almost experienced a mothers worse nightmare

[lu ann]

Earlier this morning, while on this board, a Policeman came to my front door stating that the Police Dept. in the town next to ours was trying to reach us about our youngest daughter, Julie. I felt like I was going to puke. I got off line and called the station and they put me on hold. When they came back I was told they were holding my daughter because the auto she was in was being towed. They did not give me any details. I was relieved she was alive. Praise God.

When we arrived at the station the officer told us that she and the adult driver had been drinking. Julie babysits for this woman and she was supposed to be at her house watching movies. They released her in our custody. Needless to say, Julie will not be babysitting or doing anything with this woman.

The reason I'm telling you this is to vent my frustration with raising teenagers, while battling cancer, and to realize that life can change in just a matter of moments. I had just talked to her 1 hour earlier and she was on her way home. This could have been the last time I talked to her, but it wasn't. I will tell her in the morning that while I am diasappointed in the thing she did, I still love her. She was too drunk and beligerant to talk to when we picked her up. It was the blankety blank policemans fault, not hers.

I did get a good report from my doc today. Scans are stable and I might be starting on tykerb in the next few weeks. I'm in my 4th xeloda cycle and havn't suffered any major side effects. Life has been good in spite of the bumps in the road. That old devil keeps trying, but I'm not going to let him steal my joy.

Thanks for letting me vent. It is much too early in the morning to call someone for support, so I did the next best thing and called upon you. Thanks and God Bless you. Love, Lu Ann.

[Sheila]

LuAnn

I remember those teenage years with my daughter swell...I used to think they were trying to kill me with some of the things they did.....and I had twin girls that were teenagers.....I was told I was not fair, the meanest mother etc etc etc....but we all survived and they are great moms and grown women today....I just know the burden seemed overwhelming at times....talking is the best solution....someday they will be in your position and know what its like.

I remember when I was a teenager, my parents used to say...SOMEDAY I HOPE YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER AND SHE ACTS JUST LIKE YOU (this of course would be after I had broken a rule, mothed off etc.) I remember when my girls were teens I called my parents and requoted their saying to them....and said I understand, but was I that bad that I deserved 2 that acted like me?
It has been a standing joke ever since. I then knew the true meaning of motherhood!

[astrid]

I went back to school as an adult to get my bachelors in engineering. My step son was 17 and my son was 13 when I went back to school. I worked full time during the day, so I attended school at night. It was the second day of class when a campus policeman came into the school room looking for me. My first thought was oh heck where did I park the car?. He told me my son was in an accident and was taken to the hospital. He did not know which son and what had happened. I knew they had been at the school for wrestling. My older son was in practice while my younger son was in a match. My mind led me to believe it was the older son because he drives. That was a VERY scary 15 minutes ride to the hospital. My husband was out of town on business so I had no support. When I got to the hospital, I asked for my older son and nearly lost it when they said they did not have a Charlie Wilson but a David Wilson. He had only dislocated his shoulder. But, I still remember the panic and anxiety I felt when the policeman showed up without all the details. My son is 21 now. On a lighter note: while David was in the cast we went to see a Billy Joel Concert and Billy’s Sax player, Mark Rivera signed his cast. He actually came out during intermission to sign it.

[madubois63]

Lu Ann - I certainly hope the "ADULT DRIVER" gets more than just a slap on the wrist??? How old is your daughter?? Poor mamma! My heart goes out to you!! My son has not started driving yet, but I am on the edge of many sleepless nights....

[IRENE FROM TAMPA]

I have 3 daugthers which are grown and mothers themselves now, and wonderful one's at that.

My oldest two daughters were only 18 months apart so they were going through the same things as the same time when they were in their teens. Those were trying times. Although they never did anything really bad, it was enough to think I was not going to make it through their teen years, but ..... we all did and they are beautiful women with wonderful families who are soon going to be going through the same experiences themselves. I did tell them at the time that their day would come one day. lol

I don't know your daughters age (if she is a teen any age for drinking is too young) but I would certainly stay on top of things with her and have a long conversation with this women she sits for. That was a very irresponsible thing for her to do with your young daughter.

Raising teenagers is not easy especially in this day and age of so much freedom. I was a bit on the tough side with mine , which of course as teens, they complained about, but they appreciate today.

Hang in there and I am just happy that your story had a good ending and she is safe. I know this is extra difficult on you with everything else you are going through. We have to remember also that your daughter is also going through this with you and I am sure very scared for you.

I think it's very important to keep the communication line open with her.

Good luck LuAnn

[chartermom02]

I did get that phone call 4 months ago when a detective from the NYPD called from my son's cell phone at 5:34 a.m.; said there had been an accident, my son had been hit by a train and they needed information; after I gave them all of the information that I could muster, he said I should come to Brooklyn. Before leaving my home, while throwing clothes and meds in luggage as quickly as I could and propping my cell phone on my shoulder while trying to get through to the ER at the hospital for information, I finally got what I guess was a Resident who said that if this was my son they had, that he was deceased. It was then that I just grabbed my luggage with whatever was in there and headed to Brooklyn from Delaware; I had to get there to prove that they had the wrong person!! I had never been to NY before (and will probably never go back) so I knew I had at good 3 hour drive ahead of me - it did take me over 3 hours to get there because, of course, I got lost a couple times but there had to be some guardian angel (I'm sure now I had a few of them - my son, my parents, my former in-laws, a brother-in-law) with me because it felt like no sooner I got in my car, I was there safely and I don't remember anything other than stopping for gas and stopping at a rest stop to use the facilities; this angel I had with me also helped me find my way in a very undesirable area of NY; I wasn't my usual scared self, I was a determined mother. My ex husband was supposed to meet me there and, of course, Mr. Worthless as he is, never showed up. So here I was in NY all by myself having to identify what I hoped wouldn't be my son; unfortunately, it was. Then it was to the precinct for more reports and then the detective took me to my son's "room" if you could call it that, to me it was more of a stall - broke my heart to see how he had been living for the last 6 weeks or so while trying to get a leg up in the Big Apple - where he'd longed to live for years. Then it was back to the Medical Examiner's Office for further identifying - more pictures - but thank goodness they allowed me to identify both times with pictures because I don't think I could've gone into the morgue and physically identify him, I just know I couldn't have especially by myself.
My son had always had his issues with drinking and some drug use so I always worried about him and always expected "a call" but not this call and not so soon after moving there; and I told him the last time I saw him before he left for NY, when we were celebrating his 26th birthday at his favorite restaurant just the night before he left, that NY wasn't Delaware and he couldn't get drunk or high and expect nothing to ever happen. We still don't know what happened and probably never will; still awaiting his final autopsy report and toxicology to find out if he was under the influence - I, for the first time in my life, hope that he was high as a kite or drunk off his butt so he didn't know literally "what hit him"; I have nightmares of him being totally sober and alert and knew that this train was heading towards him and he couldn't do anything about it.
Now it's just myself and my youngest son; he's battling Stage 3 kidney disease and I just don't know what's next in life for me; they say God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I'm wondering how strong He thinks I am.
So Moms, keep an eye on those children of yours and the first sign that there are any substance abuse issues, confront them and get them help...I wish I could do it all over again, he was such an intelligent and creative soul, he really could have been the writer he had always dreamed of being.
Sorry for being so long winded....and thanks for listening.

Gloria
IDC - 10/4/00
Stage 1C, Grade 3
ER+/PR+; Her 2+++
Lumpectomy, A/C, Rads
Tamoxifen, now Arimidex

[Barbara H.]

Hi Everyone,
My son is 19, and my daughters are in their twenties. Raising children is certainly not easy, and my mother claims you never stop worrying, because later you can have grandchildren to worry about. Maybe we should have a support group for parents with cancer and children. Often it appears they are OK, but I do think the cancer gets to them on some level. I also think sometimes that the children who talk the least about it are taking it the hardest and sometimes their fear manifests itself in different ways.

I often think of the scare that Al with his stepdaughter after Linda died.

Your stories are a parent's worst nightmare, and my heart goes out to you. Even if everything turns out OK, the fear you have until you know is horrible.

My heart goes out to you, Gloria. I hope you are getting support. Losing a child is one of the worst things imaginable. You have my greatest sympathy.

Lu Ann,
This may be a wake up call for your daughter. She probably won't listen to you about it, but if she continues to give you a hard time, I would get some help. Also, I would try to make sure that mother does not get away with this. She will probably try it again with another teenager.

Best wishes,
Barbara H.

[koolbreeze]

I know that I was one of those teenagers that drank quite a bit and got beligerant with my folks. I had to go through some rough times but I think had I had some tough love from my folks it would have helped. Instead they kind of turned a blind eye to my difficulty and I went through a lot of difficult and drunk years in my young adult life as a result. I ended up in AA in my early 20's and quit drinking competely for over 10 years. I am not blaming them, I guess they did the best they could but a tougher approach and maybe getting me some help early would have helped. Who knows for sure.

Teenagers can be so susceptible to adult influence and I hope you don't allow the adult in this situation to get away with exerting influence and providing alcohol to your daughter.

I wish you all success in dealing with this situation among every thing else you have to deal with. Hugs Kool

[lu ann]

Dear Chartermom, I am so sorry about your loss. My experience cannot compare to what you have been through. There is nothing I can say to make it better so I won't try. I will pray for you. Lu Ann

[lu ann]

Thanks to all of you who posted about my situation. As you can see from Chartermom's post, not all of us get a happy ending. God Bless and Love to all of you. Lu Ann.

[callen03]

This story hit close to hom. A very nice lady in my Sunday school class was killed this weekend by a drunk driver. She left three children and a husband. All of the children were injured and in critical care. One is a teenager, the other is in intermediate school, and the youngest is in first grade. The two oldest are doing better, but the youngest remains in critical care.

The young man who hit them was only 24-years-old. He is currently being held for numerous serious charges including involuntary manslaughter. To add to the tragedy, several years ago his brother was killed when he ran off the road. Results showed that he was intoxicated at the time of death. Since then, his father has been an advocate against drunk driving.

Please share this with your children. Both families lives will never be the same, all because of "driving" while intoxicated.