~Oh The Glorious Sound Of Music.....
As most of you know already My Mighty Oak is rather musically inclined. In the first part of this journey, you know the time....when we must focus on what is happening to us, we tend to lose the life we once had because we need to concentrate and absorb. Things change that we miss and the thing that really affected me was the deafening silence in my world. Chemo changed him so much physically and his once limber fingers turned to sensitive, soft, unfunctioning musical tools. How I still, to this day miss the sounds of him working out and then playing his guitars for hours on end, singing, writing songs with my name in them, dancing to Frankie...
And then it was the lack of music in my life that ceased because we needed to focus on just feeling well. Music FELT different and sometimes hurt when hearing songs that represented the life we once had. Not to mention that music made too much noise in his brain while trying to deal with the journey. Well we are emotionally doing well with the disease and he is trying to do well physically, we are getting back some of the world cancer tried to rob us of.
For his birthday I bought him a spectacular stereo system for his car, I knew it would not be a waste because we are ready to claim that part of our missing world back!!! It is not like we have not listened to music since diagnosis, we have. Maybe it is because we are beyond the feelings once associated with the disease, maybe we are at the point of finally healing the rest of our souls, maybe we are ready to listen.
As I sit hear with tears streaming down my face I had to take a moment and tell all My Loves......There is finally music in our lives again and the deafening silence is not so loud. It may be a while before he is well enough to play his guitars, in the mean time he will try to limber up his fingers enough to play the keyboards (ah, music is music!!). All I know is that when we ride in the car we will have music to fill the air, we have reclaimed our lives back!!
So for his birthday his gift was not just a slamming stereo for his wonder-mobile....it was me reclaiming our life!!!! It was the best gift I could offer him. My world is full of music again and I feel like the old Marie and Ed!! I thought I was alive through this whole journey and knew something was missing, but now we are complete. I found it!! We are alive again!! Thank you all for the birthday wish for Ed, his day was encompassed with gentle thoughts about how much you all love us. And Warriors, thanks for helping us to slowly, calmly fight not only breast cancer, but help us to find the way back to happiness!!>>Forever>>Believe51
PS: I replied to a post today "Sorry for the selfish..." and I started to describe to a friend how much I missed the color and music in our lives. Hope she can get the color and music back into her life too!!
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9/7/06Husband 50yrs=StageIV IBC/HER2+,BoneMets10/06TaxotereX10,'H'1X wk,Zometa,Tamoxifen4/12/07Last Tax5/18/07Pet=Rapid Cell Activity,No Organ Mets,Lytic Lesions,Degeneration,Some Bone Repair5/07ChemoFail6/01/07Pleural Thoracentisis=Effusions,NoMalignantCells6/19/07+7/2/07DFCI
6/25/07BrainMRI=BrainMets,Many<9mm7/10/07WBR/PelvisRad37.5Gx15&Nutritionist8/19/07T/X9/20/07BrainMRI=2<2mm10/6/07Pet=BoneProgression
10/24/07ChemoFail11/9/07A/Cx10,EndTam12/7/07Faslodex12/10/07Muga7512/13/07BlasticLesions1/7/08BrainMRI=Clear4/1/08Pet=BoneImprovement,
NoProgression,Stable4/7/08BrainPerfect5/16/08Last A/C8/26/08BrainMets=10(<9mm)9/10/08Gamma10/30/08Met=5mm12/19/08Gamma5mets5
12/22/08SpinalMets1/14/09SpinalRads2/17/09BrainMRI=NoNewMets4/20/09BoneScan5/14/09Ixempra6/1/09BrainMRI=NumerousMets6/24/09DFCIw/DrBurstein6/26/09Continue
Ixempra/Faslodex/Zometa~TM now lower7/17/09Stop Ixempra By Choice9/21/09HOSPICE10/16/09Earned His Deserved Wings And Halo=37 Month Fight w/Stage 4 IBC, Her2+++,My Hero!!
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Years NED
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