Your thoughts on Memorial page

Lisa · 02-20-2006, 09:35 AM

Friends,

I have talked to Joe about including a Memorial page on this site for friends and families we have lost. I, for one, want to remember every woman, and I find myself already forgetting names.

Joe feels this would be too depressing for those of us fighting to live. I disagree, and want to get your input to share with him.

Love and light,

Lisa

dee · 02-20-2006, 10:22 AM

It's not the stories of valiant women and men who fought the good fight and then moved on. One reason I find this site so hopeful/helpful, besides the tremendous opportunity to get educated about this subject like no where else, is because of our community of souls who are willing to share our stories, which provides me guidance in the choices I make to take care of myself. At some point, I will be faced with the need to make more difficult choices about end of life issues. I will want and need the stories of those who have gone before me, who've demonstrated what the good fight looks like at the end. Then, there's the simple issue of honoring our departed souls from this struggle to find a cure. Honoring requires remembering. Joe, while I truly respect your opinion in all matters, I humbly submit that mine on this topic is aligned with Lisa's thinking.
dee

Lolly · 02-20-2006, 11:49 AM

I think it would be fitting, and I myself don't find it depressing to remember those we've lost. I've made and lost friends at my treatment center, and I've kept a record of their names and the leaflet from the services I've been able to attend; not out of morbidity but a desire to honor and remember their lives by not forgetting them. It also helps me stay determined in my fight to stay alive, and carry on in their names.

<3 Lolly

fourboysmom · 02-20-2006, 11:55 AM

Part of the healing process is remembering those that have fought the fight before us. Let us never forget them. I'm in favor of a Memorial page. Love, Janet

Sandy H · 02-20-2006, 01:26 PM

If a person does not want to view the site then its their choice. If its there then they can make their own choice. Its not an issue with me either way. Sandy

StephN · 02-20-2006, 02:49 PM

Sensible as usual, Sandy!

I was thinking that since we have the survivors stories and some of those ladies have been "lost," that at least updating their stories may be appropriate.

It seems to me that the story of the battles won AND lost is the real cancer story - and is simply reality. Should not be a depressing thing, since most of us are still here.

AlaskaAngel · 02-20-2006, 03:20 PM

If there is one, I would like to see it as a separate place like the clinical trials and the reports, a place where one can choose to go whenever emotionally ready for it, rather than having that focus become a steady part of this area for comments. A.A.

02-20-2006, 03:55 PM

While it is an encouragement to read the survival stories here, the truth of the matter is that "most of us" are not still here. I have seen many brave women die from breast cancer and all of us ultimatly will. That is the reality of the disease. If you post and chat and share your stories while you are alive then it seems a dishonor not to post and share about those who went before us. It is an injustice to people who come to this board not to see the whole picture. Yes we fight, but to know that are fights are remembered and made a difference to others is the greatest gift we can all give each other. I say yes yes yes to a memorial section.

Nicola · 02-20-2006, 04:07 PM

I agree that it is a good idea to honor all of the women that have gone before us with a memorial page. So many of them have been an important part of our lives whether we knew them personally or not. Their journey has led to many new advances that will benefit women for years to come, and their experiences have touched us deeply. We honor military men and women when they have fallen in battle, are we not as brave and as gallant in our battle against cancer, isn't our fight just as important for future generations. Everyone deserves and desires to be remembered, let us not be the ones who will forget.

Nicola

Sherryg683 · 02-20-2006, 04:18 PM

I wouldn't mind a memorial page, but would like to see it seperate from the main board. Some are not ready to read memorials just yet when they are in a battle for their own lives. And having it seperate would give them a choice. I for one, am not willing to belive that we all will "ultimately die" from this disease. I'm keeping a little more hope out than that. We have come a long way in treatments and no telling where we will be 5 years from now..sherryg683

02-20-2006, 05:25 PM

I agree with Sherry... and I was a bit saddened by "ultimately dying" from it as well. I don't mean to offend, but I guess I need to think positively.

Audrey · 02-20-2006, 06:09 PM

Lisa, I think a memorial page is a lovely idea--those who log in here could choose whether to visit the memorial site or not...I don't think it's too morbid, we could think of it as celebrating the lives of those women who passed on before us and remember the contributions they made.

CLTann · 02-20-2006, 06:13 PM

I was undecided early on, but the majority's sentiment persuaded me to side with them. Certainly many of us want to visit and remember past friends, just like in real life many of us do. That site could be like our photo albums, they are there for people to view at their option. I wouldn't call the albums depressing.

Ann

RhondaH · 02-20-2006, 06:30 PM

it is important for us to have a place to celebrate/mourn those that have left us. I also agree that it should be in a place like Articles, Clinical trials etc. Take care and God bless.

Rhonda

al from Canada · 02-20-2006, 07:11 PM

I am in favour of a memorial board. Joe, my question to you is if it was your wife, would she have a memorial? Personal I would want my wife immortalized in some way......in cyberspace if no where else.

respectfully,
Al

Lolly · 02-20-2006, 07:43 PM

I took our Guest's comment about "ultimately dying" to mean that we all WILL die some day. My surgeon put it this way; "You have incurable cancer, but our job is to see that you live long enough that when you die, it's not from cancer!" That sounded good to me, and still does.

Just wanted to share that.

<3 Lolly

PatS · 02-20-2006, 10:44 PM

I also think a memorial page is a good idea. Yes, it can be depressing, but it is also reality. I think it's nice to remember people who have been an important part of the board. I also think it would be a good idea to have it be a separate section of the board so you could choose when to go there.

Pat

02-21-2006, 12:34 AM

I read your site all the time but don't post because I feel like doing so would be an invasion of "your" territory. I found this site when researching Her2neu+ breast cancer for my best friend who is battling it. I've found a wealth of information and encouragement here and for this I thank all of you. She doesn't read the site because I think she feels she devotes enough time to the cancer by driving 100 miles each way for treatment - she just finished her last daily radiation treatment, finally, thank God, but will continue Herceptin for a year. She already had the AC chemo, then Taxotere.

I think all of your stories are inspiring and that you are one brave group of spectacular and extraordinary women, and your stories are incredibly uplifting as well as informative, and it was with information gathered here that my friend was able to make informed decisions about her treatment options.

Unfortunately, reality is that in any group facing a life-threatening disease some will die. Women like you - making the decisions, participating in the clinical trials, taking the treatments, becoming informed consumers of breast cancer health care, being active participants in your treatment, and maybe most importantly of all, supporting and informing and helping each other along the way - are what it is all about. You are the pioneers, paving the way for newer and better treatments and someday, a cure. All of you need to be remembered, always.

I think a memorial site would be a lovely and appropriate way to remember and honor the brave women who fought but lost the battle. Those who love them will remember in their own ways, but people reading here need to know that these women were members of this group who gave support and encouragement here in whatever way they could - they were women who lived and deserve to be remembered, not just drop out of sight. They will remind us all why we need to keep pushing for a cure.

On a lighter note... I am a nurse and have cared for many, many middle aged or even very old ladies who had breast cancer years ago when the only treatment was a radical mastectomy, even some with extensive lymph node involvement - there were no tests for prognostic indicators, Her2neu, etc. But I'd bet more than we realize had the Her2neu tumors and they are alive and kicking and dealing with problems associated with normal aging, not breast cancer. So I think your optimism is appropriate - keeping hope alive and strong is always appropriate, even for those who've been labeled "incurable."

You are AWESOME.

Sandy

lisahammo · 02-21-2006, 02:32 AM

I think a memorial page is a lovely idea. I have to say, I love the thought that if I were to pass away, I would be remembered on this site, and my fight could be read by others, as it would be a huge fight to the last breathe. I think we deserve to be remembered and honored for all that we have been through, and yes we are ALL inspirations to others.

I also agree that it should be on a separate page, so people can choose whether to look at it.

Love Lisa

sassy · 02-21-2006, 07:01 AM

One of the main reasons that I continue to come to this board and have basically dropped any other boards is that those who post here and are involved are a positive group who offer support, encourgement, knowledge and a joy of living and celebration of life. I hope as others join us--even as guests, they will do so in this same spirit. I think a memorial page, listed as a separate forum, could be a continuation of the celebration of life for those we have known. As a separate forum, those who visit would be able to view as they choose.

Sassy
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Hurt from prilosec