New Battle - Page 5

Laurel · 01-14-2013, 07:26 PM

So you had enough of a specimen for them to do the testing with! Yea! 2 more weeks of waiting. Almost scary to have the deadline, huh? Still, better to know and you already know I am believing for good news. Headed to post office to mail you something tomorrow. Caleb went to UPS for me last week, but the stinkers will not mail to a P.O. box! Nothing is ever simple, is it?

Hang in there!

ammebarb · 01-15-2013, 07:32 AM

Good morning, Laurel. Yes, getting the receipt from Univ. of Penn was anticipated, but it kind of "threw me" too. Kind of surreal to expect a prognosis in the mail. I didn't want to wait until my April appointment to get the news, which was another alternative to receiving news by mail. Still have such mixed feelings about having this info. Many in the ocular melanoma community do not opt for it, or are not given the option. Ah well, I agreed, so it's coming whether I want it to or not! Thank you for expecting good news.....I try.

Sweet of you to be sending me something. I'll be looking out for it!

Hugs to you. Barb A.

ammebarb · 01-16-2013, 12:34 PM

Just back from appointment with pc doc and was told that my liver panel was a-ok. It's not any kind of decisive indicator, that's why scans are being scheduled. But, I'm taking that little bit of news as good news. Now, to get the scans done and get results. My Dr's. office has a patient portal, so I can check out results online. She knows I'm anxious, so I think she will enter the results as soon as she has them. Thanks again to all who have been praying for me. Please keep doing so!

Barb A.

ammebarb · 01-19-2013, 06:47 AM

MRI of abdomen is Monday and CT of chest is Wednesday. Scanxiety is rearing it's ugly head!

Barb

NEDenise · 01-19-2013, 07:21 AM

Barb,
Still praying! Still focusing energy on "Good News for Barb". You're due for a nice long break right about now, my friend!

Sending love and a big hug!
Denise

Soccermom · 01-19-2013, 08:24 AM

Barb.. Wish I could give you a hug in person.. Waiting just stinks!
Since you'll receive your results in the mail you may have a million questions when you read the report. Please make sure you contact your Genetics person and or a counselor to have those questions answered. It really important that someone qualified helps you understand.
In my thoughts and prayers daily,
Marcia

ammebarb · 01-19-2013, 12:08 PM

Thank you, both Denise and Marcia.

Barb A.

Laurel · 01-21-2013, 06:30 PM

Barb,

How did the MRI go? When will you get results? After your CT on Wednesday? Keeping you in my prayers!

ammebarb · 01-24-2013, 11:09 AM

Waiting on confirmation from my Dr. or her nurse, but I've read my reports on a patient portal (online) and it appears that everything is clear! I've been so stressed that I'm afraid to trust my reading of the thing, but I think it's pretty straightforward. Now, there is the doggoned genetic report to anticipate! Feeling very relieved in the moment, however, and thankful for the support and prayers you've offered. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Barb A.

KsGal · 01-24-2013, 11:55 AM

Oh my goodness....YAY! YAY! Big hugs!!!! That is such wonderful news.

More prayers for more wonderful news on the genetic report!

ammebarb · 01-27-2013, 12:19 PM

Well, the genetic test results came in the mail yesterday. They weren't as good as I'd hoped. Genetic changes on number 3 and number 8 chromosome indicate that I have a significant risk of metastasis (50% from 2 to 5 years). I have an appointment with an ocular melanoma oncologist at Univ. of Penn. on May 1, unless I can get in when I am back to Philly to see the surgeons who implanted my plaque. The plan is usually to be prescribed an adjuvant oral chemo, but I will need to just wait to see what is recommended. This news was difficult, but not totally unexpected.....all the online stats give that number and I am trying to think that if there is a 50% chance of recurrence, there is a 50% chance of non-recurrence too. I have hugely appreciated your prayers and support, and ask that you will continue to pray for me. You are all in my prayers every night.

Barb A.

chrisy · 01-27-2013, 12:43 PM

Glass half full already...hopefully your specialist will have some tricks to fill it to the brim.

Hang in there,
Chris

BonnieR · 01-27-2013, 01:59 PM

What Chrisy said! Glass half full! Keep the faith

NEDenise · 01-28-2013, 08:03 AM

Barb,
You've always struck me as a glass half full person. You're in my prayers too my friend!
And guess what! All the statistics people have quoted to me lately have been bad...very bad..,
BUT, then I come here, and realize those stats don't apply to US...we are "The HER2 Support Warrior Women"
With all the the prayers and healing energy floating around here...we're in very good hands!

Sending a big hug!
Denise

ammebarb · 01-30-2013, 03:30 PM

Just lost a rather long post, so I'm starting over....Hope it doesn't appear twice. Just back from seeing the retinal specialist who referred me to Wills. The good news is that the eye tumor has shrunk and is no longer covering the optic nerve. The retinal detachment that had been caused by the tumor has reattached since it has shrunk. It was a relief to know that the plaque seems to be working....It is a very effective treatment, but in a small percentage of cases, doesn't work. Then it's either done again or the eye is surgically removed. The Dr. was very grim about my genetic test results, and that brought me very low. Hubby and I talked on the way home and decided that nothing is worse than when I went for this appointment. We think he probably never sees choroidal melanoma in his practice and is used to giving folks much better prognoses than I got. Think he was also impressing on us that I had better plan to take adjuvant therapy....a given. I wouldn't have been so affected by his attitude regarding the testing if I weren't struggling for optimism and hope as it is. Trying to figure out if I need an antidepressant. Still taking my ativan and a sleeping pill. Any suggestions, warriors? You all know what it is to battle for a decent attitude. Prayers for all of you every night.
Barb A.

BonnieR · 01-30-2013, 03:47 PM

I am reminded of a saying from AA. " if you think you're an alcoholic then you probably are!" So, if you think you need an antidepressant, you probably do! We need all the help we can get in the down times. Maybe talk things over with a therapist familiar with our needs who could suggest medication compatible with what you already take
And do you have a safe place to vent? ( besides us?) a counselor or group? A burden shared becomes lighter.
Mostly, keep the faith

NEDenise · 01-30-2013, 03:57 PM

Barb,
I'm so sorry your news wasn't everything wed hoped for!
I know all about the struggle for a positive outlook through all of this. In my "expert" opinion...take the pill.
If after a week or two, you don't feel better...you can always stop.
But if you don't try, you'll never know.

For me...my Zoloft is my good friend...some of the other things we tried first worked "okay", but I feel like my old pre-BC self when my Zoloft levels are where they belong.

Just my humble opinion...
based on my own experience...
and virtually no medical expertise at all.
But, most important shared with love and concern for my friend, Barb.

Thinking of you, praying for you, and sending a giant hug across the state!
Denise

Soccermom · 01-30-2013, 06:32 PM

Dear Barb,
I too am so sorry for the way your Doc delivered this upsetting news. You are right in presuming that he doesn't see many cases and was trying to be "emphatic" in the only way he knew how.
As far as anti depressants go I believe they are heaven sent! One cant possibly be an effective fighter when already down. You deserve to feel the best you can under these circumstances and the right meds might just jump start your natural optimism. Please don't suffer needlessly , try them and like Denise said if they don't help after a while you can quit.
Sending many gentle understanding hugs your way tonightXOXO Marcia

Laurel · 01-30-2013, 06:42 PM

Barb,

I hate this scary @#&* you are enduring and wish I could ease it some how. Ok. You know my "glass half full" dictum. The positive take away here is that the plaque treatment is working! Yea! Your retina is healing now that it is no longer displaced by the tumor! Yea again!

Barb, you have heard doom & gloom before in your life regarding your health, specifically stats quoted 29 years ago with your breast cancer diagnosis, but here you are, my friend. What did you see and enjoy in those 29 years?

I know the stats are abysmally sucky, but 50/50 just means you are swinging from home plate against a decent pitcher with tolerably skilled fielders. Seems to me you should aim for the stands and take your chances.

As for the anti-depressant, I think you should embrace it as a short-term "get me through this" thing. At some point I think you will begin to believe you will be around for awhile and will not need it. I only have experience with Elavil which I was given for my ever chronic migraine. As I told you, I hated the dry mouth and somnolence so much I prefer the migraine! LOL. However, my one friend took Zoloft for a few months with wonderful results. She took herself off of it when she was on firmer footing.

As soon as I can get up your way you have a big hug (and Barb is a terrific hugger, guys!) coming!

prolifejoan · 09-12-2013, 08:45 PM

Dear Barb,

You are in my prayers. I will continue to keep taps on you
and pray for you. I have not been posting regularly, but I
want to remedy that in the future. This forum has given me
so much in hope, and faith and love, that I hope to give back,
even when I am dealing with those difficult moments. The
Venerable Fulton J. Sheen exhorted us to "never waste suffering".
I am not sure of exactly what that means, but
I think it means just placing all of my worries in God's lap
and trusting that He has my best interest at heart, and the
best interest of all of the people that I care about. And the
women on this forum, and their caregivers are definitely people
I care about greatly. I am learning to thank God for every day,
and not wishing that any part of it was different, somehow. I am
also proactively seeking to change what is right and good for me
to change, and that means seeking my own healing and cooperating
with all of the treatment and praying for myself and others. I am
finding that the more that I can "get over myself", the happier I
find myself to be.
I am so grateful to be part of this forum. May peace reign in your
heart and overcome all anxieties. God bless you. ~heart~