most embarrassing moment

[juanita]

This is for you BBB! Everyone feel free to add your own. When I was in high school I went 4 wheeling with my uncles on my grandparent's farm. As we were going up a hill my 4 wheeler tipped up and I fell in a pile of cow doo. So now anybody else who can top this?

[~Bellydancer~]

As a kid, around 10ish, I had fallen on the ice and hurt my lower back. My Mother took me to see a Chiropractor. As I lay on the table my tummy is starting to get sore and as He leans in and begins to adjust my back...... I toot! I started to laugh and cry at the same time losing all control and continue to toot!. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Until a few years later while at summer camp I am getting out of the lake and completely unaware that one of my girls was free wheeling out of my bathingsuit. Of course the cute Camp Councillor was right there.
~M~

[Bill]

I can't top that one Juanita! I bet you you were looking pretty good until that happened, though.

[Colleens_Husband]

Okay, maybe this isn't so embarrassing as it is mischievous, but being a law abiding citizen now, I hesitate to bring this up.

When I was about 15 years old, I was hanging out with a friend, Steve and he was telling me about his uncle who worked as a longshoreman at the port of Astoria in Oregon. We decided to go down to the port and see if the stories about how dangerous the work was were true or not. We get to the port and were looking over the pier at the longshoremen balancing on logs floating in the water as they tried to connect choker lines on the logs and have them lifted onto a Japanese ship. It looked like the most dangerous thing in the world so we sat there just mesmerized.

The other ship in port that day was a Turkish freighter and a rough looking guy comes over to talk to us. He has two huge gold teeth in front and it looked like he had his nose broken about a dozen times. He gives us a package and tells us to deliver it to a house in the red light district of town. We start trying to explain to him that we were just watching the longshoremen and he gets irate. He says we need to deliver the package, as agreed, or he would rip us a new one. I was only 15 and had never heard the expression before and wasn't quite sure what it meant, but it sounded real bad and the guy looked like 10 years worth of bad news so what the heck, we took the package and headed off to the seemly part of town. We get to the house and drop off the package to some stoner with long stringy hair who was still in his pajamas. We give him the package and turn around and head back down his stairs when he yells at us, "Hey you two! Get back here!" My first instinct was to run away but curiosity made me and Steve turn around and head up the stairs. Well, curiosity and we had shoes on and he didn't so we could still outrun him if things went wrong. He opens the package and takes out six brick sized packages wrapped in brown plastic. He says, "Look, I only ordered five, you need to take this back. There aint no way I'm paying any extra for a sixth one." So we take the brick and head back down to the port. When we get there, we see the Turkish ship just leaving the dock and heading into the Columbia River. Steve and I are looking at each other and he says, "Damn, you try to help someone out and you end up holding the bag." I say, "Now how are we going to get this to the dude on the ship?" Steve comes up with a less than brilliant solution, "Why don't we open the bag and see if there is a shipping address or something?"

We open up the bag and found that it contained one kilogram of blonde hashish. Well, what are we going to do with all of this?

Six hours later, Steve and I are melting into the furniture in his Mom's basement when an argument we had many times before broke out once again. "Steve," I asked, "what do you think would happen if you dropped a bowling ball off the Astoria Column?"

Steve answered, "It would fall you idiot!"

"No, I know it would fall, what would happen when it hit the ground? Would the bowling ball crack, would it bounce, would it shatter the concrete?"

"It would bounce. Definitely bounce. No doubt."

"I'm not so sure," I answered, "the Astoria Column is 177 feet tall. Something is going to break!"

Steve gave me his general philosophical argument no. 2, "Your full of it."

After several 'Oh yeahs' back and forth it was decided to test our competing hypotheses with some empirical data. Steve got on the phone and rounded up our girlfriends who brought a bowling ball and drove us up to the Astoria Column. They thought we were idiots because they weren't well versed in Sir Francis Bacon's scientific method. We weren't idiots but we were sucky boyfriends.

When we get to the bottom of the column, gale force winds and horizontal rainfall were howling around us. We try to open the door but it's locked. This was just terrible. Luckily, we had some potential energy in a 16 pound bowling ball and a slight downward incline in the walkway leading to the door in the base of the Column. One released bowling ball hit the metal door and it flung open with a huge metallic 'KAWANG'. So now all we have to do is take a 16 pound ball up 220 steps of a circular staircase to the top of the tower. There were two slight problems with our plan. First, round bowling balls are difficult to carry and wet round bowling balls are almost impossible to carry. The second problem is climbing 220 stairs in a spiral staircase is difficult for most people and next to impossible for someone carrying a slippery 16 pound bowling ball. We got up to about the 150 step level and I drop the bowling ball and it goes crashing down the steps causing a deafening noise. So we head back down the stairs to retrieve the bowling ball only this time Steve carries it up because obviously I was not to be trusted with such a delicate and important task. Steve only made it up to about the 90 step level before he drops the ball and it heads back down the stairs making an incredible noise. So we turn around and start heading down the stairs.

At this point, the girlfriends are just furious with us. They tell us they are going to break up with us if we go ahead with our plans to drop the bowling ball. So Steve comes up with an alternate plan. He suggests that we go to the car, find the kite and fly it off the top of the tower. For the life of me, I still to this day can't figure out why this is a good idea, but the girlfriends like the idea, so we get the kite, a large flashlight, and we head up the stairs a third time. This time we get to the top and we put the kite together inside the column before stepping out onto observation platform at the top. The kite was made of silver colored mylar plastic. We let it go into the howling wind and it goes straight out horizontally. The rain was so hard that after letting out about thirty feet of kite string, we couldn't see the kite anymore. I turn on the flashlight and shine it on the kite and the kite is spinning wildly in the wind. The wind kept changing directions so the kite was moving around quite a bit and it wasn't real easy to track the kite with the flashlight. After banging the flashlight into the guard posts a couple times the flashlight would only work intermittently and I had to bang on it to get it to turn back on. After about five minutes of this nonsense, the kite string broke and the kite went heading out in the general direction of the Pacific Ocean.

We head back down the stairs and our girlfriends drive us home. That would have been just a weird night but when I woke up the next morning, there was newspaper stories and television stories about a UFO sighting near the Astoria Column. It was really a big, big story in Astoria! UFO experts from all over the world were heading to Astoria and they were reporting unusual radiation readings near the tower. (Could it be the smoke from the hashish?) Two local police officers were interviewed, explaining the unnatural lights flickering above the Astoria Column. They exclaimed that no man-made flying object could possibly duplicate the flight patterns of our mylar kite in a wind storm. The park caretaker said it was quite mysterious because he locked the tower up at nightfall and when he got up in the morning the door was wide open and the lock hadn't been touched. Several residents near the tower, including the president of the local community college, said they heard eery unearthly noises that sound like metallic clanging. I can actually find books today which list the Astoria Column UFO sightings as one of the most believable, and convincing cases for the existence of UFOs.

After such a big deal was made of all of this, the people of Astoria were feeling pretty special. When we rolled out onto the streets the next day, everybody seemed to be just slightly happier. Steve and I stopped by the local Safeway store where my grandfather worked as a parking lot guard, and we saw my grandfather look at the third chalk mark on a cars tire, which meant the car was there for three hours and should be towed, and he bent down and wiped two off two of the marks. If you knew my grandfather, you had to know this was an extraordinary day. He was a bit of a hard-ass and he didn't let anyone off easy. In the end, Steve and I decided we wouldn't tell anyone about the UFO and ruin everyones good feelings. Our girlfriends wouldn't tell anyone either because they thought they would go to jail. They ended up breaking up with us about a week later , mainly because we were sucky boyfriends.

So if anyone asks me if i believe in UFOs, I say yes, I created one.

[Bill]

Damn, Lee, that's an awesome story! Thanks for telling it.