Coming apart at the seams

SusanV · 08-08-2006, 11:38 AM

I am 37, and received the DX last Thursday that I have two Her 2+ spots on the right breast. Holding my breath for MRI results of yesterday to determine if they are the only two spots. Lymph node test will be done with my surgery next Tuesday the 15th. I am scared to death...my children are 9 & 5.. I am just devestated on the inside and trying to maintain some normalcy on the outside for their sake...Any thoughts, fact and information from you all would mean the world to me.

Crying for the 100th time today
Susan in PA

penelope · 08-08-2006, 11:47 AM

Oh susan...I feel for you. I was where you are just last year at the age of 35 and incidently my children were 7 and 3 at the time. It is very difficult but you will get through it. It has taken me a year to come to terms with it and now I rarely cry over it but there was a time all I did was cry. The hardest part was the children and the thoughts I had concerning them. No need to go there I know that you can relate, but it did get better. This is the hardest stage, what you are in right now. Once you know for sure what you are dealing with and have a plan it will get better. Have they told you whether you are estrogen + or - yet? Or how big your tumor is? Are you having genetic testing? Once you know these things, and lymph status, a plan will be formed and you can start to move on. Until then come to the boards and get all the info you can. Some (most) is scarey but the knowledge is invaluable. There are other websites as well like young survival coalition where lost of women our age post and breast cancer. org, not to mention FORCE. Good luck and keep us posted.

SusanV · 08-08-2006, 11:55 AM

Thank you soo much for the reply and most of all your understanding. I do know that the tumors are at this point small one is 1.3 and the other one smaller than that. They are in fact estrogen + also. I will have genetic testing, and my maternal grandmother had both breasts removed at an early age ( in her 30's). Thanks for the other web sites.. it is beneficial to know that I am not alone

tousled1 · 08-08-2006, 12:03 PM

Susan,

I know how you are feeling - I was there last October. It's hard to believe that it's been almost a year now. You are definitely at the right place to get support and a wealth of information. Almost all of the women on this site are HER2+++ so you will get answers to your questions each step of the way. Best of luck to you.

KathyH · 08-08-2006, 12:34 PM

Hi Sweet Friend,

I know how you feel. The Great News is that you have found a place where people who love you and know where you are can give you support. You have been given a challenge, not a death sentence. I hate to use such a harsh term but I think it is probably what went through all of our minds in the beginning. You will find on this site women who have faced the length and breadth of diagnoses and are triumphing. If you have to have this, now is a much better time to have it than in the past. You will find much encouraging news here about how targeted therapies (particularly Herceptin) have brightened the picture for our diagnosis. I was 39 when I was diagnosed with stage 3c her2+++ last year. My children were 5, 7, and 11 when I was diagnosed. I did things like trying to emotionally distance myself from them so that they wouldn't need me so much. But, a year later I am still here, they are a year older, and I am enjoying "no evidence of disease" status. You have many friends here to rely on for support and information. You are loved and prayed for.

Sincerely, KathyH

MJo · 08-08-2006, 12:36 PM

I just finished radiation, so my nine months of intensive treatment is over. I was laughing and cheering this morning with the radiation technicians. I told them that when I was first diagnosed I felt like I'd never laugh again. I know this is terrible for you. Treatment is no picnic, but you have all of us pulling for you. I also go to a support group at my local Wellness Community. Perhaps there is one near you. With Herceptin and the new Tykerb drugs, I think you have an excellent chance of beating this. May you be around to hold your great grandchildren. May you be healthy enough to babysit for them. XXOO MJo

Margerie · 08-08-2006, 01:29 PM

Susan, You sound a lot like me last October, 38, 3 kids (ages 2,4 and 6), whole family rocked with my breast cancer diagnosis, 2 tumors (mine were bigger) and mastectomy scheduled. It was awful those first days. I could barely look at the kids without crying.

But boy, does this experience reveal how strong you are and how much your loved ones care. I am done with chemo and rads, and I am loving every day. I was just thinking today what a difference comparing the days before treatment and the days after. You just don't thnink you will ever be happy again- but it comes! I can honestly say I have never experienced more joy day to day than I do now.

Still have reminders- herceptin every 3 weeks, hormone therapy, reconstruction coming up. No denying what has changed in my life- but there is hope and each day can bring renewal.

Good luck to you, hope surgery goes well!

Margerie

kim · 08-08-2006, 02:23 PM

Susan,

I can so relate to how you are feeling. I was diagnosed at 37, 3 years ago this month. My children were 5 and not yet one. I can't tell you how many times I cried thinking I would never see them grow up and that my son would not even remember me.
I know it does not seem like it, but your emotions will settle. I too had multiple tumors(larger than yours) I had a mastectomy with tissue expander reconstruction(then implants). I actually went back 1 year later and had the other breast removed as well and have no regrets, it has brought me peace of mind. Followed by chemo, herceptin and rads. The great thing about being her2+ now is herceptin is out there and availble---I really had to fight for it.
Also I found school starting to be a huge help for me with my oldest. I changed her from 1/2 day to all day kindergarten as soon as I was diagnosed. This allowed her to have a lot of normality to her day reguardless of what was happening with me.
Hugs and prayers,
Kim

lexigirl · 08-08-2006, 03:16 PM

Susan,

I wish I was there to give you a big hug. You have come to a terrific site for support and the latest information on her2 positive breast cancer. I was diagnosed last year at this time at age 36. My kids were 13 and 9. They were the darkest days I had ever experienced. It does get better. I promise.

Love and Prayers,
Lexi

SusanV · 08-08-2006, 03:57 PM

All of your words of love, encouragement and the been there done that news has really helped my spirit. I cried reading each one... crying for all of you, your families, me and mine. I am soo glad to have found you all for support. You guys definatley have the hands I need to hold right now. I am so grateful for that!

Susan

Tom · 08-08-2006, 04:23 PM

Hi Susan. Welcome to our friendly website. Joe and Christine kindly founded this site so we could all have a place to come to vent, research, cry, laugh, and share our little adventure together. I am here representing my Mother, who was diagnosed two years ago with HER2+ breast cancer. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this place.

We too are in PA, near Philadelphia. We go to Philly for all of our treatment. I will tell you what I have said to others. You couldn't have picked a better time to have breast cancer, as odd as that might sound. The research is in a new era of discovery, and things never looked better. The newer therapies are less invasive and less toxic than ever.

Please let us know along the way what your progress is, and many here will offer advice and comfort.

I am a man, but still enjoy this site immensely, and have learned much about breast cancer, as well as human nature. The people who visit here are amazing, well-informed, and very compassionate. They are all humble saints.

Try to relax, and as time goes on, you will see that the world isn't over for you, just taking a detour for the time being.

Tom

dawn · 08-08-2006, 04:55 PM

I know what you are saying. I think Im in a better place right now with my chemo finally over but I was terrified at first, not knowing anything and trying to find out all the information I can. I still have my days where I get terrified then I decide that with the support of my friends, the grace of God and for the love of my children, I will fight this with all I have and become the better for it. Information and Education is the key to fear, not knowing and not understanding I find more fearful than anything. Hold on, Hang in there and don't be afraid of your feelings. Everyone hear has been there and are walking the same path. Its hard sometimes to be positive but I find for the most part, once I have my bad time, if I can shake it off and be positive, even for my kids, I feel so much better. Don't be afraid to let your kids lead you for awhile. I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Some days I just find impossible until I look at them a I find all my strength come from them. They are little miracles when they are born and they will always be my little miracles. Good Luck and keep us in the loop.
Dawn

Jean · 08-08-2006, 06:27 PM

Dear SusanV,
I had tears for you when I read your post - Everyone on this site can relate
to your fears and heartbreak. I will share with you that unlike you and the many young women who posted, I am a young 55 yr. old. I have a 22 yr. son. When I was dx. I was so worried first of all for my son (he is an only child) and he will be a senior this fall in College. My first thoughts were of my son, as mothers our babies are always our babies. Even though my son is grown I still felt as you...he is just entering manhood and truly needs the fine tuning only a mother can offer. I cried for weeks over my dx. feeling upset that this was supposed to be the best time in my life - I was past the teens and all the worry that goes with raising a teenager. I can share and tell you it doesn't matter what age our children are they will always be our babies and we will always want to be there guiding them through life. You have come to a wonderful beautiful site where you will learn an enormous amount of information and when you need help you will find here it and when you need comfort you will also find much of that here also.
This site helped save my life as far as I am concerned. I will say a special prayer for you during your surgery of Aug. 15th......It is very normal to cry
100 times..I know I did...but it does get better I promise - you will not think so right now because your world has been turned upside down, but soon
you will fight back and WIN! Remember always you are not alone at anytime,
you have found a new family, who are here 24/7.......

God Bless,
Jean

Berta · 08-08-2006, 07:30 PM

Susan: We've all been there! That "kicked in the gut feeling" does go away in time. I received 2 good pieces of advice when I was first diagnosed, both from my sister who was diagnosed 18 months before me. She said #1 You have to believe you will survive and decide to do whatever it takes to make that happen and #2 You have to become a little selfish for a while. You have to come first because you've fighting for your life. You have to put that before your family, your job or anything else. That was the best advice I got so I thought I'd pass it on to you. Berta

sherri · 08-08-2006, 07:45 PM

Dear Susan,

You will find out in the next several month how strong you are. You will fight these disease and you see your children grow up and you remember these days. For sure you will be different from the others at your age; your happiness is deeper, your worries are differents and you see the world like you have never seen it before. LiveStrong Susan,
Love and hug,

Shell · 08-09-2006, 04:53 AM

Good morning Susan-

I too know exactly how you are feeling, as our girls were 5 and 7 when I was diagnosed in 2003. You should be able to have great treatment options, and you must already have a comfort level as your surgery is already scheduled....

If you're near Phila, Fox Chase had a great video on how to tell your children that you had cancer (they are always intuitive, and must already sense the anxiety level). Instinctively I knew what to say, but the video helped calm me that I was saying the right things....I think my girls have handled things remarkably well. Remember to assure them that cancer is not contagious (we had had chicken pox run through the family the year before), and I didn't want them thinking they could "catch" cancer from me!

Please keep us posted,
Shell

Barbara2 · 08-11-2006, 07:06 AM

Hang in there, Susan. We have all felt the same terror you are having, when we were diagnosed with HER2+ breast cancer. But treatment has come so far just in the last few years for HER 2+ breast cancer patients. Some people feel that HER2+ breast cancer may be even more treatable than some of the other types of breast cancer that at one time seemed less threatening.

God's speed to you....

Barbara

RobinP · 08-11-2006, 07:55 AM

Hi Honey,

I know exactly how you feel. I was in your shoes four years ago, with kids that were 3,8 and 11. I thought it was the end of the world, having breast cancer and not knowing what was to happen next. At that time, the thing that kept me from totally loosing my sanity was my faith in God, knowing he would see me through somehow. I also took Zoloft, an antidepressant which helped.Keep up your faith and that wil give you peace and the energy to fight the battle ahead. YOU have my prayers. And by all means if you need a sedative or antidepressant, don't be embarrassed or afraid to ask your doctor.

sarah · 08-11-2006, 11:47 AM

Dear Susan,
You've found THE place - you'll get lots of great information and support.
You're not alone.
sarah

08-11-2006, 03:32 PM

I know so many have shared their stories/support with you.

I was diagnosed a year and a half ago at age 34 with a 3 and a half year old.

You are at the hardest point - trying to gather info.... what stage, etc. Just hang in there. I look back at those 3 weeks from dx to surgery as my hell. Take it one day at a time. Be thankful you/they found it when they/you did and not later!!

I couldn't look at my son for a week. It was terrible. But Tom is right - there are so many breakthroughs in bc... and more every day!!!!! There are so manyoptions.

I feel for you! I understand. Hang in there. It will get better! You will see both your strength and the goodness in those who will help you.

Another thing- it was soooooo hard for me to accept help... I learned to. So many people will want to help - please let them. People feel fulfilled when they can help. You will be able to give back later!! Accept offers to babysit - meals etc.

Be strong - you are!

Olivia