A little bummed this week.

[Berta]

I've been a little bummed this week. My aunt died on Saturday. She was 68 years old and a 2 year survivor. The BC didn't kill her. The chemo caused heart problems. She died of congestive heart failure. I don't want to scare anyone. She was diabetic and had some circulatory problems to begin with but really went down hill after the chemo. I guess ever since she died, every time I have heartburn (which responds to an antacid) I get really scared. I check my feet for swelling regularly, (I've never had any) . I only have one herceptin left and my last muga was 51% (down from 69%) and I have been feeling a little tired but I'm just having trouble shaking this feeling that this thing is going to get me one way or another. I know in my head this is not rational thinking but I'm just having trouble shaking it. I'm usually pretty postive and upbeat but this week, I just can't get there! Sorry to be negative but venting to other people is like talking to the wall compared to talking to folks on this board. Thanks for listening. BERTA

[juanita]

Sorry to hear about your aunt. You can't let what happened to her bring you down. Heart problems have been what runs in my family and I always thought that was going to be what got me. My grandfather died when he was 34 and my mom's first heart attack was not fatal, but came at the age of 40. At 42 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And all of my mugas so far have been okay. I have another one in 2 weeks. There are ways you can raise your numbers on the muga. It's been on this site before. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

[Liz J.]

Hi Berta,

I am sorry to hear about your Aunt. I understand how you are feeling. It is normal. Whenever I hear some good news about someone or something related to this disease I feel great. When something down comes along, I feel down also. It seems to go like that, but when you are personally affected it really hits hard. Hang in there. Try to think of happy times in the past and those to come in the future. I will say a prayer for you and your Aunt.

God Bless.

Sincerely,

Liz J.

[Cathya]

Berta;

I am so sorry to hear of your aunt. It is also shocking to me. I had AC and Taxol and began my herceptin treatments during the last taxol. I am one of those unfortunates who has developed heart problems. Although my muga score is now 52 vs 42 when taken off herceptin I remain off herceptin due to an enlarged heart....which means it is a weak muscle. Because my tumor was on my left side and I still feel that side I really can't tell if it's my heart or the lumpectomy or radiation leftover I feel. I worry about having the same problem as your aunt. Did your aunt have any symptoms that you know of. I know you said you watch for swelling but is that because it is what she had? Also, it seems to me to be insensitive of me to be asking these questions and I apologize. Take care, watch for symptoms, be tested and take care.

Cathy

[Berta]

Cathya: It's not insensitive at all. She had big time swelling in her feet and leg. They implanted a pacemaker and a defibulator but it didn't seem to help. She also had stints place. Her feet at one point split open due to the swelling. Sorry to scare you with all of this but as I said, she had circulatory problems and diabetes before the BC and wasn't in great health to start off with. Berta

[al from Canada]

I think all members should take Berta's complaint, which is probably a persistant problem in most of us, very, very seriously. The mind body connection is more documented now than it ever has and we have empirical data to substantiate these theories. When you are under stress, mental or physical, the mind tells the adrenals to produce cortisol, which has been dubbed the stress hormone. The attached is a good primer EXCEPT, I wouldn't advise anyone with breast (and related) cancers to take DHEA as it is a precursor to all other sex hormones. It can become both testosterone and estrogens. Stress reduction is well studied and I think that Tricia's mental imagery posts are a great example of using the stress response productively. I know we can't just forget about cancer but we also can't let this consume us..... http://www.mercola.com/2000/jul/16/a...t_cancer_1.htm

All's what I have to do now is follow my own advise.... Al

[TriciaK]

Dear Berta, I'm sorry this is so long, but I want you to know I also understand your fears and concerns. That is the blessing of this website: we can share our fears and vent our anger and discouragements with each other because we do understand. I am so sorry about your aunt's death, and I can see how it brings up fear and worry for you. You may already know my story, and I don't know if it will be helpful, but I have been through experiences, including my only sister's death from BC the same year I was first diagnosed in 1985, that have in the long run strengthened my faith and resolve to keep on fighting.
I am 76 and have just had triple bypass open heart surgery because my MUGA dropped from 56 to 30 after 15 months of herceptin (6 months with chemo, too). However, I had had a heart attack 2 years ago which actually saved my life. Because of the heart attack we discovered BC in my lungs. It had returned 20 years after my first diagnosis, and 15 after my second. I would never have known the cancer was back except for a CT scan after the heart attack. We knew the herceptin could cause more heart damage, but chose to go ahead with it because the cancer was so aggressive. The herceptin worked, along with other things, and I am NED now, so we could do the surgery. It was scary, and really rough, but I am recovering very well and feeling much better, though still weak. I did have a shakup though when one of my husband's friends my same age died last week after having quadruple bypass the day after mine!
It seems we become extra sensitive to all these scary issues when we are fighting health problems of our own. Cancer is such an insidious disease, and there is so much we (and our doctors) really don't understand about it. So much is happening now in new treatments and drugs that the old statistics and ideas are changing almost daily. There is more hope than ever! I will repeat what I have said several times before, and what I keep reminding myself: fear and faith can't exist at the same time! Every time the fears come we have to consciously work to replace the fear with faith. Someone said "Worry is focussing energy on things that haven't happened and may never happen". Worry creates negative energy, not positive energy. Only positive energy can help us overcome and heal. It takes constantly reminding ourselves to make us focus on the positive. It makes us concentrate on the positive things we have to do to keep fighting, like a good diet and exercise, keeping ourselves healthy and building our strength in every way we can, as well as faith and prayer.
We have lots of positive things happening on this website and all our spirits are lifted by the good news. We have many here who do research and share things with us that help us. We have hope that there is so much being done now to make cancer just another chronic, controllable disease. And I think we all agree that what we have gone through and are going through has made us more aware of life and love, has made us more appreciative and caring. Would we choose not to go through all this? Of course! But these are our particular challenges and we are Amazon warriors who will keep on fighting together!
I don't know if any of this is of any help to you, but I do know our prayers and understanding and loving thoughts of each other add a dimension of strength we don't have alone. We need each other. I am so grateful for this website, and I am glad you know you can come here and share your grief and fears and there will be caring and concern and prayers sent your way. God bless you with comfort and faith to overcome the fear! Hugs, Tricia

[Berta]

Thanks for all of the support and advice. I talked with my sister yesterday who was diagnosed 3 years ago. She is having similiar issues with this. We decided that part of this is "survivor's guilt" which I understand is all part of this. Tricia, thanks so much for sharing your story and you are right we do have to focus on positive energy. I don't know how I would have made it through the last 1 1/2 years without this board. BERTA