Things you should NEVER try

Colleens_Husband · 02-04-2010, 09:09 AM

First off, the movie Zombie Land is just so much better than any other movie ever produced that it is mind numbing. The fact that it was overlooked for an Oscar for best picture is as great an injustice as when Dumbo edged out Citizen Kane for best picture in 1939. Or perhaps when Dances with Wolves beat Tank Girl. You know, epic injustice. The type of injustice that should require a United Nations special commission. But No! They are too busy stealing dollars provided by U.S. taxpayers to do anything useful like drafting a "seriously toned letter of concern".

Anyways, sorry for the little side track there. One of us had a, upon hindsight, less than stellar idea to buy a box of Twinkies for the movie. (For those of you who do not know what a Twinkie is, it is a delicious sponge cake confection with a creamy filling produced by the Hostess Bakeries. Mostly, it is a coronary event in a five ounce package.) Every time a Twinkie is mentioned or shown in the movie, everyone in the room must take a bite of a Twinkie. It sounds like a fun concept which would aid in the enjoyment of watching the movie. Not, of course, that the movie needs any additional enjoyment, beings how Zombie Land required so much awesome that the America had to start a national program, similar in scope and effort to the Manhatten Project, to assemble as much awesome requireds to fill this movie.

The trouble is, they mention Twinkies a lot. A whole lot. Several boxes of Twinkies lot. So, it sounded like a bright idea to have some fun with the movie, but upon reflection, that much confectionary goodness is likely to cause second-hand diabetes by people who even come close to me for the next few days.

So, in light of the Zombie Land - Twinkie fiasco. I invite all of you to provide some things in your life that you have tried, which you probably never should have in an effort to prolong the lives of other people on this forum. Thank you.

Lee

Colleens_Husband · 02-04-2010, 09:16 AM

Okay, maybe I shouldn't mention this, but if you are taking a Rorscharck Test, you know, the inkblots that don't look like much of anything. No matter how much the ink blot looks like two nuns chasing a pink elephant down a long railroad tunnel armed with bananas...... well, just say it looks like a "butterfly".

Trust me on this one.

Even if you are joking, do not say it looks like two nuns chasing a pink elephant down a long railroad tunnel armed with bananas. Some people have no sense of humor.

whatz · 02-04-2010, 09:33 AM

You are one funny guy :-). I bet your Colleen laughs a lot.

Jackie07 · 02-04-2010, 08:33 PM

Lee,

Have you thought about sending your post to the company that produces Twinkies (Mars?) to see if they might consider making a commercial using your Zombie Land concept?

Regarding your 2nd post about Rorscharck Test - are you sure that you all were watching Zombie Land and not just you flipping through all the Rorscharck Test results you had brought home from your office?

Somehow I don't remember seeing in Zombi Land 'two nuns chasing a pink elephant down a long railroad tunnel armed with bananas...'

Thanks for making us (me) laugh. Hubbie had just spent about a whole hour griping about our near extinct marriage life. So here's my posting for 'things you should NEVER try': "never ask your husband when he's going to start working and make some money..."

Colleens_Husband · 02-12-2010, 08:43 AM

When you get stopped for a minor traffic violation (or for smuggling, for that matter) you should never let the sock puppet do the talking for you. Police officers are trained to have no sense of humor.

juanita · 02-12-2010, 03:03 PM

LOL!!!!!! you are tooooo funny!

Westcoastgirl · 02-12-2010, 08:05 PM

Just wanted to say that when I first joined you were the one that reached out to tell me things were not as bad as they seemed, helped me put the research in perspective, and helped me feel like I could be positive in all of this. Thank you. If I see you post I always read and have noticed as time has gone on that you have become more and more light hearted. It must mean your Colleen is doing better and better. All the best and keep up the good work. Carolyn

Joe · 02-12-2010, 10:52 PM

Another thing not to try:

Purchasing a lawnmower from Toyota !!

Here's Why

Regards
Joe

Bill · 02-14-2010, 08:22 PM

Thanks, Joe, but that only makes me want one of those!

Colleens_Husband · 02-15-2010, 09:55 AM

Hey Bill!!!

There you are! You're not dead after all!!!! I missed you my friend.

We are going to have to do something epic on this forum to lift everyone's spirits. People are counting on us. And by saying we should do something 'epic', what I really mean is that we should do something really, really STUPID! I'll dream up something stupid to do and you can not think through the consequences. This is going to be GREAT!

Lee

whatz · 02-15-2010, 10:53 AM

You nut :-), though I think it would be welcome. It has been hard to live/read thru all our recent losses I think for everybody.

Colleens_Husband · 10-18-2010, 08:06 AM

Another thing you should never try, accepting a friend on Facebook without first reading that person's profile.

I received a friend request from a person, Nathalie, who had the same name as someone I had known five years ago, only she was using her maiden name. I assumed (mostly a bad idea) that Nathalie got divorced. After accepting the friend request, Facebook shifted me to her wall page and it turns out it wasn't the kind and dear friend I knew. It turns out Nathalie, how to put this delicately, requires monetary compensation for compassionate acts that are normally given freely. And she was a hideously bad speller, as well.

I never unfriended anyone before, and I didn't know how to get skanky Nathalie off my friends list, so I had to ask my kids how to unfriend someone. I was worried that skanky Nathalie would know that I unfriended her, get all wrathful on me, and tell everyone that I tipped by putting quarters in her G-string. This was seriously embarrassing and it was all because I was trying to be a good web citizen. It turns out Facebook doesn't send out messages saying that someone has unfriended you, so I was safe.

Anyways, if you want, send me a Facebook friend request to Lee Spurgeon and I will accept it, probably before actually reading your profile page, because that is the type of person I am.

KitCat · 10-18-2010, 08:34 AM

Coleens Husband.... you have put a smile on my face to-day. It is so nice to hear some laughter and fun.... keep it up! Thanks xo

Jackie07 · 10-18-2010, 03:04 PM

My Brother-in-law forwarded me a 'mass' e-mail after I had 'unfriended' him on Facebook. It was the second time that I had kicked him out of my Facebook. First time was after he had chewed me out for using his brother's name on my Internet profile (Am I not 'Mrs. 'his brother'?) His oldest daughter thought it was funny that 'Uncle Jack' had had a hysterectomy. I didn't mind people showing off their low IQs, but I didn't think I needed a 'friend' like him and his kind because none of them asked how I was doing after my surgical procedure.

Somehow he had crawled back to my territory again. Couldn't remember if I had approved a friend request from him. But within a couple of months, he made a discriminatory remark on a link that I had posted. We had a couple of verbal exchanges - quoting scriptures and so on - until he began to label me as an advocate for 'deviate behavior'. This was after I had posted the link to the poem "First they came..." alluding to the consequences when people are indifferent to the injustice done to others.

So I kicked him out again.

Some people never learn. I was so sad that there are so many 'bigots' out there - even a 'well-educated' person such as my Brother-in-law.

He's the only one that shed tears at Mother-in-law's funeral two years ago. We couldn't tell if those were 'guilty' tears or just a show because he had never visited his Mother during the 5 years when she was in the nursing home suffering from Alzheimer's. When Mother-in-law's uncle passed away 20+ years ago, Brother-in-law asked his parents for 'his' share of the inheritance right after the funeral...

SoCalGal · 12-25-2010, 01:25 AM

Never try to send a sexy "Hey handsome - I want to be your special face-friend" to the WRONG man who has the same name as your boyfriend! And then never tell your boyfriend that you did that and then this other creeper-man FRIENDED you when he knew he didn't know you and also he's MARRIED. I had to un-friend the wrong man and re-friend the right man. Ha-ha. Old face book for sure.