Need Advice

Angela · 10-30-2009, 11:01 AM

As you see from my info below, I have been battling breast cancer for 6 years. I have continued to work with the exception of 2 months in 2003 and a month in 2006. Of course, I missed days here and there but I worked. I am a technology coordinator for a very large high school. My mom and my husband want me to come out on disability. I am having a hard time with this decision. I feel like I am admitting defeat. But then other times I think if this were my last year on earth (which no one knows when) would I want to spend my time at work or home with my family. Have any of you struggled with this decision or is it just me?

whatz · 10-30-2009, 12:00 PM

Wow, toughie. No, I haven't walked in your shoes yet but have had similar thoughts anyway. Is work taking up too much of my time and do I need to re-balance. Maybe your employer would work with you going on a part-time basis (if you can handle your insurance that way). Or...can you consider short-term disability to see how things progress?

BonnieR · 10-30-2009, 01:06 PM

What are their reasons for encourging this? They have your best interests at heart, I'm sure. If the roles were reversed, what would you want THEM to do??
Ahdubose had some good suggestions.
l I often think of the old saying "At the end of my life, I am not going to be thinking 'I wish I spent more time at work'
Keep the faith.

chrisy · 10-30-2009, 02:41 PM

Hi Angela,
I've wondered about this myself - and understand your not wanting to feel like you're admitting defeat. I looked at it that way as well at first.

Then I reframed it (as you are); how do I want to spend my life - independent of how long it may be. For me, for now, my decision is that I enjoy my work and chose to stay "in my life" pretty much as it was. There are days of course when I feel differently about it.

I think the most important thing is choosing to spend whatever time you have in the way that is most meaningful and best for you. If that is to spend more time with family, traveling or whatever instead of continuing to work, then choosing that is claiming a victory of sorts - not admitting defeat.

tricia keegan · 10-30-2009, 02:49 PM

Hi Angela,

I think it depends on how much you enjoy working also. I was in a busy very stressful job before my dx and very tired and worn out.
After my treatments I decided to stop working and enjoy life a little more, albeit with less money!
For me it was the right decision and one I have never regretted but may not work for everyone.
My days are full as I have a lot of interests and also do volunteer work so am never bored. Good luck with your decision.

WolverineFan · 10-30-2009, 03:42 PM

Angela,

While I have not been through near what you have, I wrestle with this decision, and feel a roller coaster of emotions when reading the responses to your post. I have two small children (ages 9 and 6 now). I have always loved my job and felt it very important, for me, as Chrissy stated above, to continue in my life as it was before I was diagnosed. However, I will tell you that this has become a struggle for me, because I want to spend as much time as I can with my family, not knowing what the future holds. I wish you the best in your decision, and hope that whatever you decide, you will be at peace with it. Good luck!

Btw, I found it very interesting that they dx you with HER2 with DCIS. When I asked my dr if my DCIS was also HER2, she told me that they don't test for HER2 status while its still in the ducts. I don't think it would have changed my treatment any, but its interesting to know that they do in fact test HER2 status with DCIS.

jones7676 · 10-30-2009, 04:44 PM

I have been retired for several years.......do what you feel is right.

Jackie07 · 10-30-2009, 05:51 PM

Angela,

Wow, you sure have been through a lot!

Your family may be the one that needs a break...

I went to a rehabilitation counselor 3, 4 years after my first brain tumor surgery. He explained to me that while a person with 'head injury' thinks he is doing things the normal way, others observe it as in 'slow motion'.

The brain needs time to heal. The best way to heal it is to keep it up and get those brain cells connected (synapse) by exercising both physically and mentally. Working part-time could be an excellent solution if your employer will work with you.

I have finally applied for disability after 4 major surgeries (since 1990) all involved with head injuries (yes, chemo and radiation 'hurt' our brain - but our brain can recover - do you know that most people don't use but 3% of their brain cells?) It's not admitting defeat, though it felt that way and I did wrestle with it.

Relizing that 'coordinating' your own care with all parties involoved is quite a [full-time] job. Let your loved ones know that 'Her-2' breast cancer is now the best type one can have because of herceptin. Be careful when reading statistics becaue Herceptin was not widely used until after 2005. (Approved for first-line treatment in 2007?) Many of our members are 'long-time survivors' (you can check those 'threads' by using the 'Search' button.)

cynthia1962 · 10-30-2009, 07:45 PM

Hey you guys, I am new at this and I need to know how to post something on the board without going into someone message. This is my question. Do anyone no how to read an MRI My findings from monday was the ventricles and sulci are normal. No mass lession is present. there are no enhancing lessions. there is calcification in the falx. A few scattered unidentified bright objects are noted on flair and T2 weighted imaging. Diffusion imaging shows no evidence of acute infarction. No hemrrhage is identifed.
I went because I was having migrane headache and the nurse stated I should not be having them with herceptin so the onc told me to do MRI. Does anyof this states that they show me having the headache. Because the onc just stated I have a normal MRI

cynthia1962 · 10-30-2009, 09:59 PM

Jackie, no I just started having these migranes headache pounding. And another thing the Impression states scattered deep white matter nonehancing signal changes which may be due to early small vessel disease or chemotherapy. what does that means.

Barbara H. · 10-31-2009, 12:52 PM

Hi Angela,
If you enjoy your job and are able to manage it, you should strongly consider the benefits of continuing to work. I just returned from a BC meets symposium , and there are many new therapies that are being developed for HER2+ breast cancer. Although you are not stable at this time, you may be in the future. You are young and have a job that is not available that often.

You still have the option of spending quality time with your family during vacations and weekends.

Of course, you will have to make this decision yourself.

Best wishes,
Barbara H.

Sherryg683 · 10-31-2009, 08:59 PM

If your job is fun and rewarding keep doing it. When I was diagnosed stage IV, it hit me like a bullet. Here I was spending so much of my time working like a dog, putting pressure on myself and I might not have much time left, time that I should have been putting into my 7 year old daughter. I immediately quit and decided to enjoy life, which I have. I spend more time with my little girl and friends and just smelling the roses and worshipping God and nature. My brother was diagnosed with Melanoma 2 months before I was. He had just retired a month before his diagnosis from a stress filled job that he hated. He was working so hard to save for his retirement so he could do what he wanted. He died 2 years later and those two years were full of chemo and pain. He said his main regret in life was that he did not get to do the things he wanted to do, he was waiting till he retired. He said he wished he would have taken time to travel and fish and enjoy life. I think of him so often whenever I take off and go on trips or play my tennis or take my little girl shopping or to the park. I wish that he would have had a few years that he could have done these things. I may not have as much money as I use to, but I have sooo much more. I really appreciate life now and don't want to waste any of it. This being said again, if your work is fulfilling to you , then you are living your life as you want. If you are working because you think quitting would be admitting defeat, then I say you should definately reconsider exactly what that means. Everytime I do something that makes me tingle with what I call "the joy of being alive" I feel like I AM WINNING! I will not be defeated until the day I take my last breath, and hopefully, even then I will be the winner, if God so graces me. You could take whatever time God has planned for you, which can be many many years and go out and do things that you truely enjoy. What is this life for anyway? I would hope at the end of my life I would be thought of as someone who enjoyed life and people....not....boy she sure was a hard worker....lol..sherry

BonnieR · 10-31-2009, 09:07 PM

Sherry, powerful post!

MJo · 11-01-2009, 07:21 AM

It is not defeat to work for your own recovery and to spend a lot of time with your family. Stopping work will give you time to devote completely to your health.
On the other hand, if your job adds joy to your life, by all means keep working. Just my opinion.

WolverineFan · 11-01-2009, 07:11 PM

Sherry....your post was awesome!

Kathy S in Tokyo · 11-01-2009, 07:51 PM

Chrisy, I needed this message today. Thank you! Angela, I hope you get those lung mets under control. I've trying to keep doing work as usual to make myself feel normal but I realized I was draining energy that I'd rather be enjoying elsewhere so I'm on a break. Changing tracks but continuing...

hutchibk · 11-01-2009, 08:06 PM

Angela, I've been kicking it back for 6 years as well, pretty successfully, but always vigilant and always adjusting treatment as needed...

When you wrote "But then other times I think if this were my last year on earth (which no one knows when) would I want to spend my time at work or home with my family" ~ that is exactly why I took my disability 3 years ago, and I continue to sometimes work part-time/seasonally while other times I volunteer... and other times I just enjoy a mellow laid back relaxed life. I spend my time doing whatever the wind blows me to do at times, and at other times whatever makes me feel fulfilled and gives my life true meaning. I love not answering to anyone other than my body and my doctors... ha. Hope this helps.

Colleen007 · 11-02-2009, 11:00 AM

Hi Angela,

This is a personal decision for you, but when you ask yourself the question you have posed, what is your answer?

For me, I was diagnosed when I was pregnant with my daughter. I had already tied up loose ends at work since I knew that I would be gone on an extended maternity leave to address the cancer after I gave birth. After my lumpectomy and subsequent Stage IV diagnosis, I asked myself the same question. My answer was to go out on long-term disability (I still get partial pay and health insurance through my employer so I am very lucky). This has given me the chance to travel and engage in "memory making opportunities" with my family (in between my ongoing Navelbine/Herceptin treatments).

Sherry's response hit the nail on the head...especially the last sentence.

Good luck in making the decision that will be best for you.

Colleen

Angela · 11-06-2009, 08:27 PM

Thank you all for sharing. I have applied for short term disability which should begin Jan 1. Until then I will be using what they call shared leave and working as many 1/2 days as I feel comfortable working. The people in my school are so good to me. Working a few 1/2 days will help make the transitional easier on me. This is going to give me a chance to train someone to fill in for me.

Thanks again to all!