Need some advice - Page 2

CoolBreeze · 09-30-2011, 11:54 AM

I'm with you on all the prevention stuff. You can't prevent breast cancer. However, I do like the early detection message - mainly because I skipped 8 years of mammograms. Nobody knows whether it would have caught anything or not - I've heard many women who got their mammograms faithfully and a month or two after a clean one, discovered cancer.

I had dense breasts - a risk factor I was unaware of. Would it have made me go had I known? Probably not but maybe.

Maybe I wouldn't be Stage IV now had I done it.

Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference.

But, I don't have time for rage. People are people, they make mistakes. As I well know, life is way too short. I have used humor to get my point across - my blog now gets 30,000 hits a month. I am against all the pinkwashing and planned some October blog posts to point out the flaws - I was asked to do an op-ed story in the newspaper, but with my upcoming surgery I may not be able to now. This is just to say that anger is not the only way to get a point across - my blog is humorous

Raging against people who make a mistake, or aren't as smart as you, or are overworked or just incompetent - it won't change them and it doesn't help you. Maybe you'll feel better in the short term for getting your anger off your chest, but you are intelligent enough to know that those people aren't the real reason you are angry. You are angry because you have cancer. Those people didn't cause it, and even the one who forgot to order your pre-mix made a very human error.

Your original post didn't mention joining an anti-pinkwashing campaign or turning anger into positive change. You stated that you are railing at people who have annoyed you.

Admittedly, you said yourself, your way of dealing isn't healthy. I don't think it is either. You are very newly diagnosed though and in the early stages, so maybe you'll end up finding some inner peace after time goes by. I hope you do, anyway.

NanaJoni · 09-30-2011, 12:06 PM

Nordko - of course this forum is open to all and accepting of our feelings and opinions. I don't feel my "quiet life" is meaningless at all. I fought as hard as anyone through chemo, rads, surgery (I had 14 surgical procedures last year), infections and now some lung damage from the radiation treatments. And I frequently was angry but managed with the help of family and a great counselor to keep it in its place. There are many studies which show that anger feeds stress which is very harmful to our health (not just for cancer patients). Maybe I was just blessed with caring professionals and a supportive group of friends and family. Getting all our anger/rage out is a good thing but I try not to fling it at other people who may have their own problems. I hope you are successful in your battle against the beast that is cancer and the cancer is most worthy of your rage.

Jackie07 · 09-30-2011, 12:36 PM

You are not alone:

http://www.washtenawvoice.com/2010/10/pink-rage/

I've had a similar experience recently. We found a message on cell phone while we were out in the mall and the answering machine after we got home. They both were from my radiation oncologist's secretary about an appointment time slot that just opened up. But the message only listed the main hospital number, so there's no way to find out who had called. And when I finally got hold of her, that appointment was no longer available.

Seems it's a first come, first serve situation. Was kind of annoying, though.

norkdo · 09-30-2011, 01:00 PM

you ladies are right.
sorry if my rage offends.
it is, however, normal.
of course it hurts me.
would i choose this anger. duh! no! of
course it hurts. but look at the gay men!
anger, rage, anger, rage, and aids is way ahead of us.
all i am saying is that women are so much easier to shut up
than men are. we are practically letting the Breast Cancer Awareness
Month get away with indirectly guilting us/blaming us/whatever by
the fact we are letting them get away with saying this is preventable!!
Geez! The gay men who abolished (for rich countries) the death sentence part of Aids would never have let the Aids Awareness Month poster writers get away with indirectly blaming them for the disease! I say indirect blaming cos every single story i have read on this website shows even a tiny bit at least of some sort guilt! some degree.. of "gee if I had been a better Breast Cancer Preventer I wouldn't have been at the stage I am at"
We were not remiss, dammit! We really weren't!!
How do I take this anger, for example, and use it to get the Breast Cancer Awareness people to quit pretending you can prevent this??? How do I get them to stop! How do I participate in the public dialogue that is keeping us acting as a group the opposite of the loud, proud, in-your-face, gay males that got so much done for Aids? I am impatient at the level of progress we have made given the bazillions of dollars thrown at this cancer every year? But then why shouldn't they waste our donations when we are so ready to allow them to tell what amounts to lies for the individual people who do NOT fall into the "majority" characteristics of B.C?

NanaJoni · 09-30-2011, 01:17 PM

Nordko - I hope I speak for many of us when I tell you that there is no emotion expressed here that can offend. We've pretty much all been through it. I really dread October now because of the constant reminders - honestly, I'm aware of Breast Cancer. My niece bought me a pink ribbon charm when I was first diagnosed and it was months before I would wear it. From a personal perspective, anger is filled with such energy. If we could just harness a little of it from each person fighting some kind of cancer, it would probably power the entire country for a year. But you hit one of the really difficult targets right on - breast cancer comes in many different forms and that is only recently being understood and investigated by researchers. And I think you are right that for too long this "woman's disease" was put on the back burner. All that pink stuff - it's hard to take but if any of our lives are saved by those being funded, it will be worth it. On a lighter note, when you say women are easier to shut up....well you've never met any of the women in my family.
We are vocal and strong - right down to our granddaughters who hopefully will never have to fight this monster. Keep posting and sharing your ideas. It's good for us all.

norkdo · 09-30-2011, 01:25 PM

thx, jackie. i think it is important to ask them if a bit of feedback might help them deal with cancer patients. (which is a nicer way than blasting them, which is what i do...but i have done it as nicely and as assertively as i possibly could which includes bringing in the Customer Care Coordinator at the hospital. I also give huge props to hospital departments who do it right, btw. Our Nuclear Meds techs are beyond good, caring, professional, and kind. I wrote them a gigantic positive feedback thing and the head of it called me to thank me. I ended up hearing that the head of the hospital would be gagging if he knew how terrible were the appointment-phoners, etc. He convinced me to make sure I give feedback.)

The pink rage title sounded good on the article. i felt very sad for the tragedies in the article. Very very sad. but in the end it is just more of what we have all done...i have walked sixty kilometres to end Breast Cancer myself prior to my diagnosis and personally hit up my friends for twenty five hundred dollars on that Walk For the cure. The trouble, I am starting to feel, is that we are all just giving money and giving money, and getting friends to give money without the power to change what lies they are spreading about our disease! Mammos are not as good as newer, well researched machines that detect cancer in dense breasted or fibrocystic women. Mammos have too high a false negative rate. Having one once a year after 40 does not help the women who get it earlier than that! Breastfeeding does not prevent breast cancer! (tell that to the women on here who detect the breast cancer while breast feeding!) Fat and past menopause has nothing to do with it! it is a case there of statistical coincidence as opposed to cause and effect! If you have let yourself get chubby after menopause you are innocent, in fact, of all indirect "charges" that you brought this on yourself!!!! I want to make it difficult for people in charge to take the donations and waste them on "getting out the message of how to prevent breast cancer!!" I want them Not allowed to spend another billion on those lies that clearly do nought to help!

norkdo · 09-30-2011, 01:34 PM

NanaJoni...you have lit up my day!!! Laughing about the women in your family joke!!! Thank you so much. i think Ann has lit a wonderful fire under me...and given me ideas re the media too!! So right I gotta do something about my anger and I am gonna aim as high and as noisily as I can. Am thinking of starting to plan something. I can write a press release, for example, and during this October Breast Cancer Awareness month, I can picket outside the Imaging Clinic that gave me a false negative mammogram. I will phone press outlets as I begin the picket!
yah!! That is what I will do! Thank you ladies.
Stirring up trouble in the Breast Cancer Billion Dollar Basket will really help me do something positive with my rage. why should it just hurt me when it can make these people who waste the donations on misleading and useless "education" million dollar programs uncomfortable with the job they do!!!

sarah · 10-01-2011, 05:33 AM

What happened to two's enough? she might think we're too crazy!
I think venting is good but perhaps should be under a different post?

twosenuf99 · 10-07-2011, 04:12 PM

Hi everyone I apologize for not responding I have been MIA from my computer for about 2 weeks. Was trying to get schedules for my kids set up and get prepared for surgery. I love all the support, advice well wishes, and even the truthful rage venting..

I had my surgery but have posted the update on a new thread.. Thank you again