My Profile/ Its Scary

[Chelee]

Dawn, Your DX is very close to what mine was/is. I am stage IIIA, Her2/neu, Er & Pr positive, 5 of 16 positive nodes.

Its very overwhelming and darned right scary when you get that first DX. Your head is spinning. Your life is turned upside down over night. So go easy on yourself. I think we all know what you mean about trying to figure out everything the doctors are telling you. Its alot of information to take in.

I am so glad to see you found this board. Thats a major plus in your favor! There are some really knowledgable people on this board. And don't worry about asking too many questions. As far as I am concerned...you can't ask too many. Everyone is here to help and learn...and support each other.

One of your posts said for the most part you stay positive & upbeat but occcasionally that creepy little thing sneaks in. Believe me...I know I can relate to that...and I don't want to speak for the others...but I am sure it happens to them at times too. You have come a long way already...I see you have already had 5 of your 6 chemos. YEAH. One more to go.

In the last six months that all this has happened to me...I can't tell you how many times I have been up, and then down a couple days like you said. It happens. Some days I will actually feel like I don't have bc and all is right with the world. You are going to have lots of good days...and some not so good. I think its important to let your feelings out. Try NOT to hide them from everyone like I have tried to do many times. I have learned if I feel like a good cry...darn it...I cry! And I always feel better.
Holding in all your feelings doesn't do you any good. I realize you don't want to break down in front of your kids....that i understand. But believe me...you will go through many different stages through this journey.

So when you say its nice to know your not alone in these feelings...no your aren't. Not even close. We all understand all to well.

If you hang around here long enough...you will see many encouraging posts from other her2 gals. You will get lots of support here.

Sending your warm & healing thoughts.

Chelee

[snoopy]

Hi Dawn

I'm another one with a very similar profile to you -Stage 3. 4.5cm & 2.3cm Ductal - 9/15 nodes HER2+++/ER+/PR+..... - diagnosed in November 2004 when I was 41. I didn't think I'd be still around to see christmas 04 let alone be here today feeling (most of the time) semi human again, NED - and long may this continue. I've had chemo/rads/a years herceptin and an oophorectomy (thats the short version - I never do things by half and have had many problems en route).

My children were a little older than yours at diagnosis (8&10) - its really hard having to put them through all of this - but in a weird way having them has really helped me get through bad times - what ever happens I (and you) are laways Mum - smiles and cuddles are priceless.

Often liken life with BC to living on a rollercoaster - the highs and lows can be extreme and the speed with which I find I can lurch from one to the other is truely frightening and yes the smallest thing can set this off - I really relate to what you say, I'm sure all BC patients - what ever the diagnosis do to some extent. It does get easier as time goes on - I remember be told this when I was newly diagnosed - yeah right I remember thinking, but it really does.

Forums such as this are my lifeline, I'm so glad you found this one - the amount I have learnt from others is amazing (I don't post huge amounts - I tend to just "read") - allows me to ask questions of my Onc/Surgeon and feel that I have some (OK a very small amount) control/involvement in the management of my BC. Only other cancer patients actually know how a cancer patient feels.

If it doesn't sound too odd it almost feels "fortunate" to have HER2+++ disease as this is an area of intensive research - and positive results - the herceptin in early disease studies etc. etc.

It is hard to come to terms with a "poor" prognosis. I keep trying to remind my self that the figures we get quoted are just statistics - population studies - no one knows which side of a survival line they will fall. Just try to live my life as well as I can, and live it now. I (and you) will do it better on some days than others.

Good health to us all.

[lkc Gumby]

Hi Dawn,

I am another stage IIIer.
Dxed June 05 with Stage IIIC , 12/14 pos nodes, er/pr neg, and Her +++.
They iniitially tied a partial mast. , but sinec surgical margins were not clear had a MRM right breast June 30, 2005. started DD A/C x 4, then Taxotere evry 3 weeks, with Herceptin, then 6 wks rads-4 fields, then 1 wk rad boost to scar.
Still on Herceptin, but will finish soon.
Had a prophylactive left mast 3 weeks ago, which turned out to be atypical and hyperplasia, so thankful I pursued getting this one removed.
Had bilateral recon. at same time, and am happy with results.
Just placed on Tamoxifen for left breast abnormality.
Happy to say I am NED.I feel that Herceptin is a God send to us, and Lapinitib is right behind. So although our cancers are aggressive these targeted txs are quite effective for us HER girls.
I KNow when I was originally dxed I felt sooo alone, but actually there are alot of us out there doing really well.
God Bless and Good Luck.

Linda

[dawn]

Thank you Linda,

I have been doing so much better since finding this site. It makes you feel not so alone and answers a lot of my questions. Everyday, it seems like theres someone out there like me and doing so well. I have also been finding there are people out there with a lot more problems than I have. One thing Im really having a hard time with is health coverage in the world. When you are faced with a terminal illness and the emotional, physical and mental stress of cancer you should not have to worry about whether you can afford or get the treatment you need. It just makes me so mad. Im one of the lucky ones to live in Canada where we have provincial health coverage. The only thing I have to worry about is getting my anti sickness pills, which I have insurance for, but if I didnt our social assistance program would kick in so that you do not have to do without while you are sick. So Im learning that even though I have cancer, Im still a very lucky person to live in the country I live in and to have so many options available to me.
Linda, thanks for the email, Its great to know theres so many out there for support and help.

[yellowfarmhouse]

HI! I had almost same pathology except I had two tumors that added up to about 4 cm - -4 + nodes and triple positive. I was dx 2/05 and over a year later ( after dose dense chemo, rads, Herceptin, bilateral mast, and reconstruction, I'm doing well. I have five kids age 5-13 and my plan is to watch them grow up! Hang in there. I found that during chemo I was mentally really tired and discouraged but as my physical strength came back I started to feel much better in all aspects. I live in U.S. and had huge insurance deductables to pay but managed to stay afloat ( by the grace of God!). But, I too wish that we would not have to stress over finances as we get better. Glad you live where health care is provided. Give those babies big hugs from us. We're all in this together.

blessings,
Wendy

[dawn]

Thanks Wendy, Its posts from people like yourself that helps continue and instill hope in us all. If we didn't have hope what would we have. Im taking that firm stand that Im going to raise my kids up and beat this thing or the next best thing to beating it. The drug manufacturers, govenment, health care makes so much money of these drugs and treatments. It just infuriates me, that someone has to do without because of money. When in the greater scheme of things money is the least important. Health, Happiness, Family and Friends! I did my 5th chemo today, not feeling too bad just a little tired. One more to go ! Yes!
All the best
DAwn

[cgregor]

Just discovered this website and decided to respond to your particular email given our kindred Canadian connection, albeit I am communicating from the west coast (Vancouver) and not the east coast (although I did visit Newfoundland last year and loved it). I was 45 when I was diagnosed in Dec 2001 (Xmas eve) with Stage IIIa, HER2, er+ (weak response) , 5 cm tumor, and 6/11 positive lymph nodes. Had 3 surgeries, chemo and radiation. Fast forward 4 1/2 years and so far so good -no signs of recurrence. I did not receive Herceptin at the time because it was not widely used as an adjuvant treatment in Canada, excepting people on clinical trials... so others like you who receive herceptin will have even better odds than me.
I thought that I was "toast" when I was diagnosed and started preparing a list of "suitable" available women for my husband when I was gone . I am thrilled to still be here and am grateful for this gift of time, no matter how long it might be. My experience with a life-threatening disease has had a tremendous impact on my life - it has helped me address my fears (I lost my mother to cancer when she was 56), clarify my priorities, make the most of every day, and open my heart to others. I wish that this had not happened to me - denial of my mortality was more fun but I know that I have a much deeper appreciation of my life, and of my relationships than I had in the past. I am hopeful that I am around for many more years to take advantage of this "new" insight and encourage you to keep hoping as well..Carla
PS I am turning 50 later this year and am thrilled to bits. I cannot understand how anyone can be sad about such an awesome milestone.