Anybody have any jokes they can share?

[Paula O]

”Only in America…
do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America…
do people order double
cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.

Only in America…
do banks leave vault doors
open and then chain the pens to the counters.


Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America…
do we buy hot dogs in
packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America…
do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER…
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?
Why can’t women put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline
‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ’practice’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box that is used
on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane
out of that stuff?!
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they
are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress
the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?”