Anybody have any jokes they can share?

[Lettik]

Paula; You are amazing. One right after another. Wish I had you around on a daily basis to increase my "laughter is healing emotion". Thanks so much!!
Lettik

[Paula O]

Hi Lettik,

I'm glad you like the jokes. I'm hoping LOTS of folks will share more jokes, cartoons, and funny things here too that they come across or search for--I'd LOVE for many to contribute funny stuff to this thread (hint, hint! . Actually, I wasn't much of a joke teller before I had cancer--am the kind of gal that sometimes forgets punch lines and am more on the serious side naturally.

I was so shocked, sad, and overwhelmed about the cancer initially, I sure didn't "feel" like looking up funny stuff--it seemed trite to me actually. A friend who is a psychologist recc two very helpful things: that I find something funny daily and share it with somebody else and also that I do something enjoyable every day, even just a small thing when I was not feeling well. It's been really good for me to go out of my way to develop more of a sense of humor, laugh at myself more, and cultivate looking at the funny side of things. I've discovered that it's downright fun to offer something that causes others to smile or laugh-- it's sort of like sharing little gifts with others. It's sure worth giving a try IMHO if there are folks here who haven't tried seeking out humor daily. C'mon guys,if you haven't already, join me in posting funny stuff here! It doesn't take long at all to look up jokes and cartoons on the internet and they recycle very nicely.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~ Mark Twain


Here's another joke I like:
4 Worms in Church
“A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol – Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive .
So the Minister asked the congregation -
What did you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
‘As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’
That pretty much ended the service.”

[Paula O]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I make $40,000 a year and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic … “Try doing it with the engine running.”

[Paula O]

Bubba & The Psychiatrist

Bubba went to see a psychiatrist.
‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy’ he told the psychiatrist.
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’
‘Eighty dollars per visit, replied the psychiatrist.’
‘I’ll sleep on it,’ said Bubba.
Six months later the psychiatrist met Bubba on the street. ‘Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?’ asked the psychiatrist.
‘Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A barber cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!’
‘Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a barber cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed! – Ain’t nobody under there now !!!’

Git ‘er dun!!!!!!!!!

[Paula O]

AFRAID OF THE DARK
A five year old boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother
told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to
go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be
afraid of the dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look
after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure
he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help
you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to
the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness,
he called, “Jesus? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the
broom?”