8yrs later I am gearing up for double Mastectomy

[rinaina]

On 10/17/14 I underwent a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using the diep flap skin and nipple sparing surgery. It failed and about a week later I was back in the OR for debridement surgery and was left with open wounds and loss of the flap on the right side only. The left side suffered less but the reconstructed breast is too large, too stiff and spread in width due to the wound which has healed well. My options on the right when healing is done which should be soon, are to let wound close and just not try any further reconstruction, take from back and try expander for future implant. The left breast needs further work as well, a lift and reduction. I'm not totally sorry I started this entire process as the biopsies showed a lot of atypical cells and a small neoplasm, however this has been an ongoing nightmare since surgery and I am still healing on the right. I feel so blind-sided by all of this and was so sick for the first 6 weeks. Finally feeling like myself again after suffering with wound healing, temperatures and emotional issues dealing with the horrible way I looked. Chose a highly reputable plastic surgeon in Chicago suburbs based on drs recommendations and patient and friend referrals. He assures me he will get me looking good again but I am so fearful of failure. Struggling with I let this happen to me. If you read my past history on here, I have been through a lot and always did well but I feel I dropped the ball on this one as did the drs because they should have advised me against skin and nipple sparing especially because I had radiation. I am not feeling very confident about a better outcome and so worried. Wondering if I can deal with just no breasts at all. Feeling like I can't. Any thoughts out there or others who have experienced similar poor experiences? So undecided what route to follow.