Mother\'s New Diagnosis

Here is my mother's history: Family history of BC w/ grandmother, 2 cousins, and a sister 5 yrs ago. Mom always gets regular mamm's & sometimes 2X yr. Had mamm Nov. 03. 2 wks after mamm, developed a 'rash', with some stabbing pain, warmness to the touch, and skin thickened 'like leather' & nipple retracted on right breast. Went to Dr. Said it was probably an infection, took antibiotic 2 wks. No response. Refd to a breast clinic. Another mamm & ultrasound. Had biopsy. Report was no cancer. Refd to dermatologist, RX prednisone for 2 wks. Some symptoms went away, but still bothered her. She chose to 'deal with it'. Reports said 'no cancer', so that was her comfort. (p.s.we weren't aware of IBC @ the time. She has not been dx as having IBC). F-up mamm in Apr. 04. All was fine. Aug 10 2004, she detected a lump in same breast. Went to Dr. Mamm & ultrasound 8/13/04, "no dominate mass, distortion or suspicious calcification visualized. Ultra sound does not reveal dominant discreet Hyper-Hypochoic mass." However Dr sent her back to breast surgeon, who on 8/24 did biopsy & removed 1/2 inch lump. Report: Stage I, Grade 2 Invasive Ductal Cancer. Scheduled for partial mastectomy 9/1. On 9/1, surgeon called to cancel, as the comparison of most recent mamm to the one from Jan 04 showed some other changes in calcifications that they needed to ck out. Did a 'core biopsy'. Result, more cancer, 1mm. Very small, but in a different area of the breast that now required a full mastectomy of right breast. Successul surgery 9/8/04. Took section of lymph nodes for testing. Finally, 9/16/04 results of pathology report: Another 3 cm mass in the breast (UNDETECTED BY ALL THESE MAMMS!), 13/14 lymphnodes+; ER+; Her2neu+. Had CT scan 9/21/04. Having Bone scan 9/22/04. Echo next week. Treatment to start after tests. A/C every 2 wks X 4 doses; then Taxol/Herceptin every wk X 12 doses; Then Herceptin weekly X 40 doses while doing radiation; then Arimiadex for 5 years.

WOW. Now that I'm through all that -- She has asked the Onc if she is a different Stage now that they found the 3 cm mass and Cancer was present in lymph nodes. The response, 'It doesn't say in the path report'. She is very happy w/ the Onc so far, who seems genuinely concerned that her cancer was missed on so many tests and has asked to see the films/slides from January biopsy to see how it was missed. All we can do now is to look forward and take 1 day @ a time.
But she is very frustrated currently because she has so many questions. She is getting the impression from reading that Her2neu means that she has a very aggressive cancer and that since it's in her lymph nodes that it has spread throughout her body. No Dr or report has told her that. She just feels that. Despite that physically she feels OK, other than pain from surgery still. We as her family, know that the tests they are running currently is what will give the Onc and her some of the answers she is looking for.
Does anyone have any insight for me? I would like to give her some success stories of women who have had Her2neu+ and positive lymph nodes, and didn't necessarily have 'cancer everywhere' and have fought this disease. I know that you can't tell me EXACTLY what my mom's diagnosis or prognosis is, but just some similar situations would help me out to share with her, to give her some hope.
She won't ask this for herself right now. She is saying she wants to talk to someone, but when people offer, it's not what she wants. The emotions are running quite high right now, which I know is normal. I'm trying to help her the best I know how.
Any advice from anyone?