I'm Starting to Crumble

[Debra]

Hi All -

They called today to schedule an appt. for me to come in for my genetic test results. They told me they always schedule appts. for the results so that was not suprising. However, THEY TOLD ME TO BRING SOMEONE WITH ME. Is that normal. I am really freaking out over this. I don't share my feelings a whole lot with anyone as I don't want family to worry but today, I feel like I am losing it and this is unlike me. Not only the genetic testing but today is two years since diagnosis, now my genetic results coming up and of course today, I don't feel well so I feel like this nightmare is starting all over again and I don't know why----I have no other reason to think that it's back. I have been so strong but today, I feel like I am starting to lose it and this is surprising me.
I don't even know why I am posting this but I feel like you all are the only ones who ever understand these awful, overwhelming feelings of fear so I guess I am just leaning on you all tonight as if you were here with me!

I apologize if this sounds so minor as I have done pretty well throughout this whole ordeal and I know many of you are battling more serious health issues due to this beast. I guess I am just surprising myself today because I feel so weak and defenseless----that is the only way I can explain it. Shouldn't I be happy I am two years out? Why am I all of a sudden worried about the genetic results? I haven't even thought about it since I had the blood drawn.
Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent.