Talk me down off of the ledge please.

[Carolyns]

Hi All,

I have been cruising along since diagnosed with stage 4 last March 06.

The stage 4 portion of the journey started with C-6 spinal replacement surgery and Femara for treatment (Lapatinib trial 50/50 chance still uncertain as to if I got Lapatinib with Femara). Had progression to liver and switched to Gemzar and Herceptin for 6 months with one month off for radiation to spinal area where I had surgery. I had good results with Gemzar and Herceptin and switched to Faslodex and Herceptin in late December.

Well it is scan time next week and last week I started with a slight headache. I saw my doctor today and asked to add a brain scan (last one was June06) to the MRIs, CT, and Bone scan and she said fine. She also said that my markers have begun to rise and she wants to get a look at those scans...all scheduled for next week. She said that it was the first time that the markers started climbing but not to worry too much.

Okay, since my appointment I have not been able to quit crying / screaming / praying / begging / repeat cycle. I don't know how I can do this. I am so scared. I am having a huge pitty party for myself. I was able to fake my little boy out. He is 8 and he came home and I held it together until he went out again. I work with a yoga / visualization person and she comes tonight for my session.

Sorry to dump here but I thought that if I started typing I could quit crying. Do tears ruin key boards?

Thanks for listening.

Carolyn