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Old 11-23-2012, 08:51 PM   #1
Jackie07
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About suffering

http://www.bibleexplained.com/other-early/Job/job.htm

Had a strong impression on the rendition of the Book of Job by a young instructor (had just received her Ph.D. from one of the top universities in the U.S.) in a Western Literature class my Freshman year in college 34 years ago. Why do people suffer? ["We weren't promised an easy path - just a great destination." - hubby thought about this quote by a famous 20th Century personality.]

This year began with my college teammate's untimely death barely four months after she had been diagnosed with stage IV cervical cancer. A wonderful biology professor with a Ph.D. from MIT, she's just a year younger than me. Then my Father passed away in mid June - also after great suffering, although he'd lived a 'full life' with children and grand children...

My late Mother-in-law has been gone almost 4 years (early January.) She's the most wonderful person in the world, but she had suffered from diabetes for over 20 years and heart disease (triple by-pass) for 14 years. The 2, 3 years before her passing, she suffered from dementia...

The Buddhists also talk about suffering - as a matter of fact, the four stages of the life cycle (suffering) described by the Buddha are: "Birth, Aging, Illness, Death."

Life is indeed not fair. A bunch of us on the Board don't have children - one of the risk factors of getting breast cancer. Did we purposely try not to have children? For those of us who had tried and still weren't able to conceive, did we earn the right to tell all other new 'mothers': "Sorry, but I just can not feel happy for you?"

Reading The Book of Job always gives me great comfort. Not that I truly understand anything in the message, but just knowing that others suffer the same way I do, I don't feel alone...
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Jackie07
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe

Last edited by Jackie07; 11-30-2012 at 03:34 AM..
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Old 11-24-2012, 09:15 AM   #2
Cathya
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Re: About suffering

Jackie;

Thank you so much for your post.

Cathy
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Diagnosed Oct. 2004 3 cm ductal, lumpectomy Nov. 2004
Diagnosed Jan. 2005 tumor in supraclavicular node
Stage 3c, Grade 3, ER/PR+, Her2++
4 AC, 4 Taxol, Radiation, Arimidex, Actonel
Herceptin for 9 months until Muga dropped and heart enlarged
Restarting herceptin weekly after 4 months off
Stopped herceptin after four weekly treatments....score dropped to 41
Finished 6 years Arimidex
May 2015 diagnosed with ovarian cancer
Stage 1C
started 6 treatments of carboplatin/taxol
Genetic testing show BRCA1 VUS
Nice! My hair came back really curly. Hope it lasts lol. Well it didn't but I liked it so I'm now a perm lady
29 March 2018 Lung biopsy following chest CT showing tumours in pleura of left lung, waiting for results to the question bc or ovarian
April 20, 2018 BC mets confirmed, ER/PR+ now Her2-
Questions about the possibility of ovarian spread and mets to bones so will be tested and monitored for these.
To begin new drug Palbociclib (Ibrance) along with Letrozole May, 2018.
Genetic testing of ovarian tumour and this new lung met will take months.
To see geneticist to be retested for BRCA this week....still BRCA VUS
CA125 has declined from 359 to 12 as of Aug.23/18


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Old 11-24-2012, 04:16 PM   #3
Pray
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Re: About suffering

Great post.

For catholics God gave his only son (Is there greater suffering than this?) All so we could have the greatest gift, Life everlasting. Jesus carried his cross willingly for us, he suffered greatly. Our blessed mother gave her son. Of coarse she didn't want to but knew we all belonged to God our creator. We all have to suffer we are no different or better than anyone else. Our greatest rewards come from our life challenges. In the end that really isn't the end we achieve ever lasting life of happiness. I have lost 3 brothers and my Mom in 4 yrs time. My Mom had to give up three of her sons before she passed. She had 5 sons. It seems over the yrs we try to put some kind of range on suffering. Was my Moms suffering the greater than the man who lost his only son? I believe it is how we choose to live our life before during and after suffering. I was mad at the world they were wonderful blessings to me and I enjoyed each and everyday I had with them. Each one of them endured great suffering for at least two yrs before the Good lord chose to take them. They were not mine to keep. I do believe we will be all together again. We are blessed with as many wonderful people in our life as we choose to let them in. Just one example Wonderful Emelie choose to let us in to her life and Lord knows she did some suffering here but she chose to make the very best of each and every day just as her family did. They were fully aware they had no choice over losing her. Yet she will be missed terribley by family, friends abound here and in her day to day life. Everyone enjoyed her every single precious day of her life. In good times and bad. I want it no other way. I have learned and continue to learn so much from the people in my life at this site and other wise. I find great ease in saying God is good all of the time.

Peace my Sisters and Brothers.

Your friend,

Nancy
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dx 11/12/09 IDCI
Stage 3a
ER 98% PR 80%
Her2 +3
4/12 nodes
6 rounds TCH
Herceptin 12 months 3weeks
Rad. 30 tx
Tamoxifin 6 months stopped
Arimedex stopped 9/12 (side effects)
Aromasin 10/12
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:40 AM   #4
Paula O
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Re: About suffering

Thx for sharing your heart and thoughts, Jackie. I am sorry about your losses of these dear ones. That's hard. I've been thinking about suffering too. I'm retired now from being an RN but I sure have witnessed plenty of physical anquish and suffering as I was caring for sick and dying patients and I see lots of suffering people when I go to the cancer center. It's heart wrenching sometimes.

You mentioned Job--quite an man who went through more than most people ever will. Along with one terrible trial after another all in a row, poor guy had unsupportive friends and a wife who told him to "Curse God and die" in the midst of his suffering. I have often thought of his response to what he went through, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." "Wow" is all I gotta say.

The lives of Joseph and Paul and how they handled their troubles have impacted me as well, especially since cancer. I'm no expert and sure don't understand God's purposes for allowing pain and suffering and terrible, awful things but I see so many places in the Bible as well as life itself which display His loving, wise character and I know He makes no mistakes. He has a purpose for what He allows.

It says in Scripture that God works EVERYTHING together--even the bad stuff--for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He always has the last word in everything (yet we might not hear/see it in this life) which can be confusing. I know according to the Bible He has much higher purposes for the trials and difficulties than what meets our very limited perspective and eyesight. I'm hanging tight on what God says about hardship and suffering in the Bible and all His promises. I love that He can bring beauty from even ashes and joy from mourning and a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness (Is 61:3). He sure has done that for me regarding breast cancer.

You mentioned the reality that life is not fair. We always want everything to be fair, me too. It hits me that life is not fair and God is not fair and that's the way it is and it's OK. Some things seem so horrible, so terribly unfair and awful (like the Holocost for example) that it makes us mad or want to cry or SOMETHING. Sometimes God gets blamed for things people do. None of us are robots and we all have a free will. Some people's bad choices effect innocent lives. Some things in life seem downright senseless and unfair like drunk drivers hitting kids playing in their own yards, like rape and incest, like out of control cancer taking over and snuffing out somebody's life. Why o why do these things happen, I don't know. God doesn't 'cause' cancer but he does allow it. In Heaven I am going to get a new body that will be cancer-free but sickness is just a fact of life here on earth and I'm just passing through this temporary hardship in life a short time with my real home, my eternal home ahead of me. When I struggle when unfair things happen like cancer, it helps me to also look at different angles of the picture. We have such a limited view, like the underside of a tapestry--full of snarls and knots but God above is weaving a beautiful tapestry. It's also "not fair" that some people are born in poverty and are starving today while others of us, me included, are on a diet to get rid of excess poundage. I have more than enough food, others have nothing. It's not fair that innocent babies are killed in utero and some are born infected with HIV because of their mother's choices. Is it fair that some have the blessing of healthy children and others have none or have children dealing with cancer? Nope. Not fair either. It's not fair that in America we have so much we take for granted like our freedom and there are others who have very little and are living in fear, tyranny, and oppression. Why them and not us and visa versa? Nobody gets to pick their place of birth.

Have your read Joni Erickson Tada's books on pain and suffering? She is a quadraplegic in chronic severe pain and has breast cancer on top of it. I am in awe of her example of how she handles it all in God's strength.

Paula
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:06 AM   #5
karen z
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Re: About suffering

Jackie,
Thanks for your post. The topic is something I think about a lot.
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Old 11-25-2012, 12:20 PM   #6
Mtngrl
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Re: About suffering

Jackie,

Thank you for sharing this.

I don't think God imposes suffering on us. I believe God is always present in it. I also don't think death is evil. It can be tragic, but we will all die.

Although I would not presume to say suffering is "good" or even necessary, I wonder what we would be like if we didn't die, if bad things never happened, if we always got what we wanted. For one thing, if no one died, there'd be no need for babies. New people, new ideas, new stories would not occur. For another thing, how can I know when or if I'm happy without the contrast to unhappiness? How can I discern good without evil?

The most amazing thing about some people is their faith, their trust that, no matter what, God will make a way out of no way. They feel connected to God and loved by God. They feel grateful for every breath. I have known people like that. I try to be like that.

I know life is a mixed bag. There are many sorrows and trials. Pain is real, and debilitating, and tragic. There are no easy answers.

I took a course from Elie Wiesel, one of the world's best-known Holocaust survivors. We were to study his nonfiction work. For pre-reading for the class, we read Job. One of his essays that we read was about the "Akedah," the binding of Isaac. One story he told us was about rabbis in the concentration camp putting God on trial and returning a guilty verdict. Then they said, "Oh, look. It's time to pray," and they put on their pray shawls and other accoutrements and prayed. My God is big enough to handle my anger and indignation. And I know God's thoughts are not my thoughts, even on my best days. So I understand completely the trial, the guilty verdict, and believing in God anyway.

I'd rather believe in God than feel utterly alone. I'd rather trust God never to abandon me than to face life, and cancer, with no hope. I know I will die. I'm pretty sure it's going to be from breast cancer. So be it.
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Amy
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4/19/11 Diagnosed invasive ductal carcinoma in left breast; 2.3 cm tumor, 1 axillary lymph node, weakly ER+, HER2+++
4/29/11 CT scan shows suspicious lesions on liver and lungs
5/17/11 liver biopsy
5/24/11 liver met confirmed--Stage IV at diagnosis
5/27/11 Begin weekly Taxol & Herceptin for 3 months (standard of care at the time of my DX)
7/18/11 Switch to weekly Abraxane & Herceptin due to Taxol allergy
8/29/11 CT scan shows no new lesions & old lesions shrinking
9/27/11 Finish Abraxane. Start Herceptin every 3 weeks. Begin taking Arimidex
10/17/11--Brain MRI--No Brain mets
12/5/11 PET scan--Almost NED
5/15/12 PET scan shows progression-breast/chest/spine (one vertebra)
5/22/12 Stop taking Arimidex; stay on Herceptin
6/11/12 Started Tykerb and Herceptin on clinical trial (w/no chemo)
9/24/12 CT scan--No new mets. Everything stable.
3/11/13 CT Scan--two small new possible mets and odd looking area in left lung getting larger.
4/2/13--Biopsy of suspicious area in lower left lung. Mets to lung confirmed.
4/30/13 Begin Kadcyla/TDM-1
8/16/13 PET scan "mixed," with some areas of increased uptake, but also some definite improvement, so I'll stay on TDM-1/Kadcyla.
11/11/13 Finally get hormone receptor results from lung biopsy of 4/2/13. My cancer is no longer ER positive.
11/13/13 PET scan mixed results again. We're calling it "stable." Problems breathing on exertion.
2/18/14 PET scan shows a new lesion and newly active lymph node in chest, other progression. Bye bye TDM-1.
2/28/14 Begin Herceptin/Perjeta every 3 weeks.
6/8/14 PET "mixed," with no new lesions, and everything but lower lungs improving. My breathing is better.
8/18/14 PET "mixed" again. Upper lungs & one spine met stable, lower lungs less FDG avid, original tumor more avid, one lymph node in mediastinum more avid.
9/1/14 Begin taking Xeloda one week on, one week off. Will also stay on Herceptin and Perjeta every three weeks.
12/11/14 PET Scan--no new lesions, and everything looks better than it did.
3/20/15 PET Scan--no new lesions, but lower lung lesions larger and a bit more avid.
4/13/15 Increasing Xeloda dose to 10 days on, one week off.
7/1/15 Scan "mixed" again, but suggests continuing progression. Stop Xeloda. Substitute Abraxane every 3 weeks starting 7/13.
10/28/15 PET scan shows dramatic improvement everywhere. All lesions except lower lungs have resolved; lower lungs noticeably improved.
12/18/15 Last Abraxane. Continue on Herceptin and Perjeta alone beginning 1/8/16.
1/27/16 PET scan shows cancer is stable.
5/11/16 PET scan shows uptake in some areas that were resolved on the last two scans.
6/3/16 Begin Kadcyla and Tykerb combination
6/5 - 6/23 Horrible diarrhea from K&T together. Got pneumonia.
7/15/16 Begin Kadcyla only every 3 weeks.
9/6/16 Begin radiation therapy on right lung lesion that caused the pneumonia.
10/3/16 Last of 12 radiation treatments to right lung.
11/4/16 Huffing and puffing, low O2, high heart rate, on tiniest bit of exertion. Diagnosed as radiation pneumonitis. Treated with Prednisone.
11/11/16 PET scan shows significant improvement to radiated part of right lung BUT a bunch of new lung lesions, and the bone met is getting worse.
11/22/16 Begin Eribulin and Herceptin. H every 3 weeks. E two weeks on, one week off.
3/6/17 Scan shows progression in lungs. Bone met a little better.
3/23/17 Lung biopsy. Tumor sampled is ER-, PR+ (5%), HER2+++. Getting Herceptin and Perjeta as a maintenance treatment.
5/31/17 Port placement
6/1/17 Start Navelbine & Tykerb
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Old 11-26-2012, 02:27 PM   #7
Jackie07
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Re: About suffering

A pre-med student's perspective on human suffering:

http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2012/11/...suffering.html

"The act of suffering because of a disease was always an intimate, individualistic one. Although as humans we empathize with one another, the agony, frustration, powerlessness, and insurmountable loss that can come with disease are unique human experiences."
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Jackie07
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe

Last edited by Jackie07; 11-26-2012 at 02:45 PM..
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