surgery scheduled

Joy · 05-01-2008, 02:30 PM

Hi everyone, first let me say that I'm very sad about Kate and join with you all in paryer and hope for this amazing woman.

Secondly, although, I feel selfish posting right now, but just needed to connect with you wonderful people. I am having my oophers removed on Tuesday. I'm trying to energize that it will be no big deal. I did start faslodex at 500mg and herceptin loading dose a week ago. Had a pretty rough afternoon after that, but had a reason to rally that I'll share in a sec. I'm so hoping this works as I have never been happier in my entire life than I am right now-even before cancer I think.

So as I shared I was proposed to and it seemed exciting except then all these nagging concerns I had with this person became amplified. There was some dishonesty and some neglected basic responsibilities and a very complicated and mysterious divorce that there is no way in which I'll know the truth. So after a lot of soul searching and recoiling I chose to break it off completely. It didn't go terribly well when I tried to talk it out and so I made it pretty abrupt. In my journal I realized that my drawings reflected a lot of sadness until I made the desicion to be done, then the drawings became liberated and I felt so much better. I have a history of ignoring red flags and am so proud of myself for looking at these carefully. So recently my best friend and I went out to discuss all of this and how I was feeling good about my decision even though I knew it would be hard. As we were leaving I ran into a former student of mine ( I used to teach childbirth classes) and this was a dad that always stuck out in my mind as a brialliant sweet person who would make a wonderful father and ...he's hot. Anyway it turns out that he and his wife had divorced a few years ago and he was deemed the stable parent (which is no surprise to me) so he has almost full custody of his 7 and 9 year old. It was great to catch up and he asked for my number. Well, we have connected in a way that I NEVER thought possible. I have never experienced a connection with someone as I do with him and he confessed that when I was their teacher, although he knew what was appropriate in his life at the time and acted accordingly, he developed a crush on me ( i was even pregnant at the time). Which is so funny because I had thought of all the dads I worked with he never left my mind. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. And we ran in similar circles for several years and he knows about my health struggles already. So he said when he saw me that night he couldn't let me go. It has been so inspiring and life affirming and renewed my fighting spirit. Not that I lost it as I have so many reasons to live regardless of him, but this is something so amazingly special. My last relationship began to wear on me as I felt like this person was resting everyhting on me to provide his happiness and I can't do that. Did that with my first husband and when I finally left he attempted suicide-it was a horrible time, one I never want to repeat as I stayed with him so unhappily for too long. And as weird as this sounds I actually started to see cancer as an out with my last relationship, which felt pretty dysfunctional. Now I see every reason to kick cancer's butt HARD. No one outside of my kids has inspired that in such a happy way before. It is crazy I know, but wow am I happy. I've been dancing all day!

thanks for listening, just wanted to share my happiness.

chrisy · 05-01-2008, 03:48 PM

Well Joy, that was a very interesting post! Reminded me of the old saying about when a door closes another opens.
You are my idol - not only have I never been able to rally the discipline to keep a journal, but for you to have put your feelings in so well as to be able to see them later is awesome!
Not that you might be moving on into another relationship (of course you have my blessings with this new man - he sounds heaven sent), it might be handy to have someone around who can coach you on how to breathe when you are awaiting scan results. He had a great teacher, so I'll bet he's pretty good!
As for the oophs - well, out with them! who needs 'em anyway.

Thank you for sharing your happiness - never feel selfish about sharing either your joys or your trials. We are all swimming together in this mix of both, and we need to hear it.

Much much love to you
Chris

Paty · 05-01-2008, 04:05 PM

Dear Joy,

I am happy for you. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Live life as deeply as you can, there is never a second chance! God bless you and keep dancing!!!

Paty

Becky · 05-01-2008, 05:04 PM

OMG - when you're hot, you're hot. I think the late 30's and 40's are the sexiest time ever for women and you are living us married farts' fantasies. DON'T STOP - please. And keep posting - often (daily).

lexigirl · 05-01-2008, 05:13 PM

Hee hee...Joy, I think I am with Becky on this one!! Your happiness is contagious!! I am excited to see you excited!! I think it's terrific that you share yourself with us. I am inspired by you!

I am hoping for an uneventful surgery and quick healing for you. Keep us posted!

Hugs,
Lexi

Bill · 05-01-2008, 06:14 PM

Joy, I'm so happy for you! Your happiness is shining right through. Hey, call me crazy, but "the other guy", for some reason, I just felt uneasy about him, even when you first posted about him, that's why I offered to fly out to Fort Collins and take him out for a little hike, you know, just to "check his intentions", and lay down some ground rules. But, Joy, for what it's worth, I don't have that feeling with this guy. I'm happy for you. Best wishes, Big Brother Bill

Mary Jo · 05-01-2008, 06:53 PM

Hi Joy,

You know what? Your posts ALWAYS generate JOY. ALWAYS! Even when you are sharing something that is distressing you always find a way to bring JOY to the post. I love that about you.

So, let me first say - good luck with your surgery on Tuesday. It will all go well...I am sure. I do ask God to bring about success both in surgery and in recovery for you.

Now, as for the new "hottie" in your life. All I can say is - "YOU GO GIRL!!!" Oh what fun for you. Oh what a JOYFUL life you live. Even in the sad times, we can all find some JOY somewhere and you sweet Joy, always seem to find it and are able to share it with us which in turn brings JOY into our life.

I wonder why you were named Joy

Love and God's Peace I pray for you.........

Mary Jo

P.S. Please post after Tuesday to let us know how things went, please. OK? Thank you.

caya · 05-01-2008, 07:23 PM

Good for you Joy - this guy sounds amazing. I hope it all works out for you. And I will be thinking of you on Tuesday, I pray for a complete and speedy recovery.

Please do keep us posted with all the details (the romantic ones for sure).

all the best
caya

Ruth · 05-01-2008, 07:23 PM

AWESOME! Joy, this is just wonderful life affirming exciting news. We never know when people will come into our lives and bring us joy. I am so very happy for you and want lots of posts about this! Early romantic love feelings are so VERY, VERY great and what an immune system booster!!!!!

Hugs ~ Ruth

P.S. I still have my heart flip flop for my husband...and I found him post cancer too!

Barbara H. · 05-01-2008, 07:45 PM

Wow! This is an incredable story. I certainly wish you all the best on Tuesday and beyond. I also think it's great that you keep this journal.
Best wishes,
Barbara H.

Jackie07 · 05-01-2008, 07:46 PM

Thank you for letting us share your happiness. Congratulations on a wonderful relationship with your "prince charming". After being chronically ill for so long, I sometimes wonder how in the world my husband would stay
with me. But when you find the right one, you find the right one. And we just love to hear good news.

Joy · 05-02-2008, 06:04 AM

You guys make me so happy too! thank you for all the beautiful comments and wishes. And Bill, I remember that post of yours and thanks for being a big brother-we need you! And what else is crazy and relevant to your feelings is that 2 of my dear friends who had not spoken to each other (just because of being busy) on anything concerning my last relationship both attempted web searches on his background and did not tell me until I was thinking of breaking up. And to be honest, so did I and I did not feel good about it at all and yet felt compelled to do so and never really told anyone about how much I tried to find things out. Well, it only took a couple months this time for me to catch on. I'm getting better anyway.

You all mean so much to me!

AlaskaAngel · 05-02-2008, 09:16 AM

Dear Joy,

I too am happy that you shared so much today here, and am glad that you are finding your way through all the decision-making and moving forward, not backward or standing still. The most exciting part to me was that you really did listen to your self in making your choices. BRAVO!!!!!

AlaskaAngel

Soccermom · 05-02-2008, 11:30 AM

Dear Joy,
OOOOoo I just love to hear happy stories (real life)...sigh..wish I had the inner strength to make the changes in my life that I need to.
G-d bless you Joy, go out there and LIVE!
Hugs,marcia

hermiracles · 05-03-2008, 06:29 AM

Dear Joy - all the best with your surgery and your great new love! Life is to be lived
Blessings
Hermiracles

Patb · 05-03-2008, 01:16 PM

Best of luck with your surgery. Inspiring story for all of us. We cannot control the wind but we can adjust our sails. Take care.
patb

swimangel72 · 05-03-2008, 01:24 PM

Joy thanks so much for sharing your story - it really warms my heart! Good luck with your surgery on Tuesday - you'll be in my prayers!

Vi Schorpp · 05-05-2008, 10:43 AM

you said it only took you a few months this time to "catch on." People only show you the sides of them that they want to...there's really no way to know in a certain amount of time enough about anyone. You are a good judge of character nonetheless. Good luck to you and great to hear from you.