Feeling guilty

Sherryg683 · 04-03-2008, 10:38 PM

I am finding it hard for me to deal with the guilt I feel. It's not so much survivor guilt. It's more of the guilt that I am not doing enough. I feel that God has blessed me with 2 years of good health and what have I done with it to make a difference....absolutely nothing. I have done a little volunteer work, but not enough. I give to the homeless guy on the side of the road...but feel I should be doing more. I feel like I should be stepping out, speaking out and making a difference. I go to church and hear how we should be serving and helping our fellow man and I walk out feeling guilty. I fear that when I get to heaven, if God asks me "what did you do with the time I gave you", I wouldn't have a good answer. I do have a young child, and my energy level is not nearly as good as it use to be and I try to do all I can...I just still get so tired. I read an article about a lady who had beaten advanced cancer. She said that for quite a while she felt immense pressure to do something extra ordinary with her life and that it took her years to realize that she could just live and be herself. I am hoping I get to that point. Does any of this make sense? sherryg683

Joanne S · 04-03-2008, 11:25 PM

Sherry,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's progression---cancer just isn't fair---and you got a double wammy. Do not should of could of on you! You are obviously a kind hearted, thoughtful, and giving person. Even when you weren't feeling well, you were thinking about your brother. I've read many of your previous posts. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Please accept you are doing the best you can---Serenity Prayer. You have been through a lot yourself. Compound that with what you have been going with your brother for some time now too.

I think we all go through periods of guilt for not doing more and feeling it's just not enough. Physically and emotionally we just don't have enough energy, endurance and strength as before BC.

Accept that you are doing your best and you can only do that much now. God knows you ARE doing what you can! You will know when it's time that you can give and do more for others---it will feel right.

Right now, you are going through a very difficult time. Give yourself some credit, allow yourself some slack, treat yourself good, keep up your strength and faith, and be there for your brother. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time.

God bless you and your family,
You and your brother are in my prayers,
Joanne

PS What helps me through each day? I remind myself to be thankful for what I do have, and I practice living my life by the Serenity Prayer each and every day.

God grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and
the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

dhealey · 04-04-2008, 04:18 AM

Sherry,

Don't be so hard on yourself. You have been through alot. Caner takes alot from you and it takes even longer to get back what it took. Some never get it back. You will know when the time is right to start giving back. God knows your strengths and weaknesses. Be easy on yourself, you are still healing.

Mary Anne in TX · 04-04-2008, 05:35 AM

Sherry, I think raising a young child and pouring into them all the goodness you can, is HUGE. To offer up a well trained kid is a tremendous gift to our country. And it is so hard to do. You're terrific!

Jean · 04-04-2008, 05:35 AM

Sherry,
When you feel that you are NOT doing enough, just turn around and look at your son....you are doing the most important task ever, raising a child.
Each and every gesture is vital...the homeless on the street that we see and maybe buy them a lunch...giving a donation to a worthy cause, Ofen times it is the small quiet duties that mean so much and help others. Last week I went through my closet and anything I have not worn for 3 yrs. I packed up and called the women's shelter who came over and picked the cloths up. There are thousands of small duties that will give you the joy you are seeking. I sent a huge box of cookies over to the troops last month. I understand what you mean, you appreicate the blessings you are given and want to share them. Don't pressure yourself, maybe consider a small duty that will not tax you. Everything and anything you do is always meaningful....even if you just smile at someone who appears sad, you may make their day. Be kind to yourself not guilty.

Hugs,
Jean

Mary Jo · 04-04-2008, 12:23 PM

Dear Sweet Sherry,

Just your sweet and tender demeanor say everything about you. You have a kind soul and gentle spirit. You love and want to help and love others. You are an awesome mother who is a cancer survivor and who is learning to live with that diagnosis.

I don't doubt for one minute that you would reach out to anyone in need and that your heart and ears are open to be their for anyone. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are right where God wants you to be and just you feeling that guilt and wanting to do more says INCREDIBLY much about your spirit. God is living within you and has touched you and in turn I believe you are touching others with your kindness.

Please don't live with guilt. It's just wasting time and energy. Just live for who you are and for what God made you. Right now you are raising a child - learning to survive and thrive as a breast cancer survivor and dealing with the health crisis of your brother.....I would say that's plenty.

Sending hugs and love to you Sherry,

Mary Jo

SusanV · 04-04-2008, 12:37 PM

Sherry,

I have felt the same way....not sure if this suggestion will work well for you or not. As for me the greatest lesson of all that I learned during this journey is to never, never, never say to someone.."If there is something that I can do, please let me know" You know the standard answer that you pass along, when someone passes away, or is sick or, or, or. I made a promise to myself, to instead do what so many people (much smarter than I by the way) did when I was first diagnosed..people didn't say to me, let me know if I can do something, people just did stuff. Alot of "stuff" people made dinner, people watched my kids on weekends...someone made me a blanket, etc. etc.. Ok, so now for my suggestion, and back to the blanket. Have you ever seen the fleece blankets that people make where you tie together the fringe ends all around the blanket ? Well, they are really easy to make, you can buy the fleece when it is on sale, and for me, when I want to make a difference in someone's life I make a blanket. A very close friends father has weeks to live (pancreatic cancer), and I made him a navy and gray fleece blanket. He loved it ! I think instead of wanting to make a monumental difference, you can make small ones to the people in you life. Hope this helps

Sending love you way