What a day.........

KellyA · 01-08-2007, 06:01 PM

Everything changes when you are diagnosed with breast cancer- and life will never be the same. I know this but am sometimes still astounded at just how differently I am affected, and how cancer can make things seem so tiny and unimportant, and how other "small moents" can be so huge and potentially life- altering. I feel like a puppet and some sick, twisted man is playing with the strings.

The day started out wonderful. I took my 3 boys to school and decided that even though my hip was killing me (it's been really hurting since before Thanksgiving), and it was POURING down rain, that I was still going to run, because I have had enough of whoever's body this is (all extra 20 lbs of it) and am going to fight the good fight to get it back. I ran the best four miiles I've ever ran in the best time- the entire time thinking just how wonderful the cold rain felt, and how strong and free I am starting to feel. I would have never gone out in the pouring rain before cancer, but now it seemed so OK, and so "why not?!".

Then I when for my bone scan. Right hip- did I say it has been killing me?! Well, the hip looked great, but it didn't take long for the room full of techs to go silent on the ribs. "Mrs. Anderson< have you done anything to your ribcage?" I looked up at the monitor and thought I was going to get sick. Big as day- a large black perfectly round spot on the rt. ribcage. It never even occured to me that something else would show up, I was too worried about the hip.

rinaina · 01-08-2007, 06:09 PM

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry to hear about the finding in your rib cage. What a terrible shock this had to have been to you. I will be praying and until you find out more, try and be strong, (believe me, I know this won't be easy but don't know what else to say). Hang in there, many here have made it through similar experiences. Good luck to you and will all be here for you.

Sandy H · 01-08-2007, 06:13 PM

Kelly, I am sorry to hear your day ended like this. Please don't panic because I had two spots that showed up in the rib area on one of my scans. My oncologist said bone mets show in two ways. Either as a white spot or like a scrape mark and mine didn't show either way. The next bone scan I had 6 weeks later( I have them every 6 weeks because I am in a trial) didn't show anything. Also my oncologist said if something shows and it doesn't make sense then its probably an error on the examiner. I hope this helps you and that you will not have to wait long to hear the results. I know it can be very scarey and will pray that its nothing. hugs, Sandy

KellyA · 01-08-2007, 06:15 PM

Well, before I knew it, the room was full of people and they were comparing old scans. Those were clean. So after waiting an agonizing while, an x-ray was ordered and done. No better. Next I waited on a CT. By this time I was a basketcase. I think I even introduced myself as "Basketcase" to one of the CT techs. The original scan was at 10:30 this morning. At 6 pm I was still waiting and delirious. I had sent my friend home at 11 , because I thought it was all going to be routine. HA!

Long and short of it is they "don't think" its anything, but we have to check it again in 3 months. It was the best and worst day all in one. I'm on my second margarita (the only drink I've had in 8 months), and have been starting at the ceiling for the last hour. I have never felt so alive. I have never been so happy and so terrified in one day. The sky has never looked as beautiful as it did on the drive home. I have never cried so hard. I am exhausted. I LOVE THIS LIFE, I love feeling so alive. Cancer, as sick as this sounds, has been a blessing. It makes me appreciate all that I have and all those around me over and over.

I never did like rollercoasters, but this is sure one hell of a ride.

Love, Kelly

KellyA · 01-08-2007, 06:21 PM

I'm sorry - I'm so long-winded and I don't know how to fit it all on one page. Yet another example of how wonderful everyone is on this site, that I don't even finish before I have lots of support. I love you guys. Thank you.

michele u · 01-08-2007, 06:23 PM

Kelly,

I'm a RN so we give scan reports all the time. If they "don't think" it's nothing----that's a VERY good sign. Is this area they found something happen to be where you had radiation if you had that? If it is, it's probably from that. What are they doing to make sure? Have you had a PET scan? Keep thinking positive. Even IF it is something, like alot of women on this site, it does NOT mean the end. We have alot of arsenal? to throw at this type of cancer. It would be devasting of course, but we are lucky to have what we do now to fight this. Let me know what they decide to do.

Heart Sutra · 01-08-2007, 06:27 PM

Alive and kickin'

Yes, indeed

Leslie's sister · 01-08-2007, 06:45 PM

Kelly:

I have to say I read your first post and I was sick to my stomach. Then I read further on and breathed a sigh of relief. I will keep you in my prayers. You are right life- is great and all of you ladies have taught me that EVERY moment is a gift from God to be cherished and enjoyed. I try to live that way. Kelly please keep us posted!

Sheila · 01-08-2007, 07:02 PM

Kelly
I had a similar incident and it ended up being a fracture in the ribs....I was sick, but knew if it was something I would be putting my gloves back on for a fight!

Jean · 01-08-2007, 07:36 PM

Kelly,
What a day for you! Just like a roller coaster....I am keeping you in
my prayers...but it sure is a good sign that they believe it maybe
nothing after all. It appears you have learned to enjoy the days
and take all the best from them.

Sending you all good wishes,
Jean

Catherine · 01-08-2007, 10:33 PM

Dear Kelly,
I am so sorry to hear about the spot on your ribcage. What a shock. I had just replied to your private email to me about your implants. Then I went to the message board and saw this post your wrote today. What a bummer. I too will pray that this is something that will go away or a spot the doctors can easily deal with. Stay tough, I know it is not always easy. I was so impressed that you had gone running. I am trying this "edit" thing. I just read your second post and realize that the spot apppears not to be "anything." What a rollercoaster.

Please keep us posted, Catherine in Oregon

StephN · 01-08-2007, 11:10 PM

Hi Kelly - who is by now nice and relaxed from her Margaritas. Yes, I have had those kind of days with the news being both positive for mets as well as negative. I know about "talking with God" all the way home!

Normally a CT scan would not be confirming one way or the other and a PET would be needed to see if the spot "lights up." Hopefully that spot has the look of something else and this is why no more scans. Spots can "light up" due to other causes such as injuries and infection, but if there is none in that area, a different conclusion could be drawn.

Nevertheless, I would want a COMPLETE explanation from your med onc. In so many cases the mets are NOT painful - this is the sneaky part of this disease and why we have to be so vigilant. Do they give PET scans where you are?

lexigirl · 01-08-2007, 11:13 PM

Kelly,

I am sorry that your day that began so wonderfully was turnes upside down. I know exactly how you are feeling. I am relieved to read that your techs believe that the spot is benign. I think that they wouldn't have said that if they weren't pretty sure that all is okay. Please know that you and all my bc sisters are in my prayers daily.

Hugs and Prayers,
Lexi

KellyA · 01-09-2007, 03:53 AM

Hi there. Just woke up and feeling like yesterday was just a dream.....boy, have there been alot of days like that in the last year! Everything was a little confusing, but here is the "jist" of it. I had the bone scan first, and that is where the spot first showed up. They did take a couple of extra close shots to double check and the spot still showed up. They said the bone scan can be too sensitive, and that it could just be an old injury (I don't remember any and my bone scan in June was clear), so they wanted to check it with an x-ray. Supposedly an X-ray would show any kind of stress fracture, etc. That was clean. Then we moved on to the CT scan. That was clean also- nothing showed on it. The radiologist (from the bone scan) and the "CT team" review it with my onc. (I think he was on the phone). My onc. felt that it must be some kind of old injury, because it was just one spot? and that mets usually present differently. The CT team said that in a "normal person" (I've never been normal!), they wouldn't have even blinked at this one and wouldn't have ordered the additional tests.

I never know when to be comfortable anymore. How does all of this sound? I see my onc. in a week and he has the results of everything. All I could think about during all of this was boy this must be aggressive if it is something, because I JUST finished chemo and am still on Herceptin. Then my mind started to really wander, and it was bad from there.....

Thank you all so much for your help. It is so nice to talk to people who understand and care so much.

Love, Kelly

VirginiaGirl · 01-09-2007, 05:03 AM

Dear Kelly, I know those kind of days you've been having, it's hard when you're freaked out but trying to keep it together and be strong in front of the kids. I usually cry in the shower for that reason! Hopefully everything will turn out all right for you. It always takes me a few days to process bad or questionnable news and get back in my groove. My last scan showed a spot on my liver that was new. My onc said let's just watch it, so I'm hoping the Taxotere and Herceptin I started beg. of Dec. after that scan will help. I try not to think about it too much, and focus on general faith that I'll respond this time! Keep us posted!
Peace and Blessings,

Andi · 01-09-2007, 07:40 AM

Dear Kelly - My prayers are with you. I know how something like this really takes the wind out of your sails, but I agree with the others, I don't think your docs would have said they don't think it is anything if they truly didn't feel that way, they just need to explore it further under the circumstances to make sure. Hang in there and keep on running, it's good for the soul.

karen raines hunt · 01-09-2007, 02:54 PM

Dear kelly,

I can relate to your feelings. I too am an athlete (swimmer). I get in the pool and sometimes can go numerous laps without thinking about a bc recurrence. I love......cherish those few moments and hope and pray for all of us that those moments can turn into hours.......days, etc.

Karen

ron55 · 01-09-2007, 04:27 PM

Hi Kelly

You were the first person to respond to my questions about Debbie, my wife & I it kind of gives a certain kind of attachment if you know what I mean so you can understand how I felt sick to the pit of my stomach when I read your post.

I'm so glad for you that it appears all is OK and that it was just a scare - but what a scare.

Take care, Ron

Becky · 01-09-2007, 06:04 PM

Dear Kelly

Your story reminds me of when I had a bone scan for pain in my right hip. I am 10 years older than you but the pain started during my last chemo. Nothing on that scan but I decided to go for broke and scan everything as I received no preliminary scans (my first onc didn't believe in it unless you were Stage 3). Due to this board, I asked my new onc to also let me have a brain MRI. Well, no mets but the scan did show vascular artherosclerosis of the small vessels. Shoooot, but upon exploration, this finding was normal for a woman my age.

I think your finding will disappear as I have a friend in my local support group who had this happen after radiation and you are about the same time along as she was after the scan.

I felt sick at heart for you at first, but everything is going to be just fine.

Thinking of you and a big hug from a Yankee friend

mamacze · 01-09-2007, 07:41 PM

Dear Kelly,
It is when your mind starts to wander that you get yourself into trouble!! Those damn little snakes that like to rear their ugly little heads right at those beautiful moments you want to remember forever; hugging your babies, loving the sun, and even running in the rain. Even running...and with joy in your heart and energy at your feet....wow, even that is an accomplishment! Welcome back to your more peaceful self and know, if the day ever comes when a snake becomes a reality, you have plenty of sisters here who will pull on those boxing gloves along side you and help you fight like hell.
Hang in there angel girl.
Love Kim from CT