PLEADING (Feels He Cannot Wait For DFCI)

[Believe51]

Girls, I am asking for a quick response if you all could. I am the caregiver and feel the only advice I can give to my husband is from you, my warriors! We went to his 2nd opinion with another Oncologist on the 19th, very spiritual man with great insight for cancer and one thing he did say is that he feels treatment choices can wait until Dana Farber on July 2. First he wanted to get more info and we wanted a 2nd opinion from him; another Oncologist nearby with an unbias approach to the situation (our Oncologist went from private practice to Chief Oncologist and Professor to a Cancer Hospital=really do not wanna leave him!) Both doctors said that they think the cancer can wait until our appointment at DFCI and so did we.

NOT!!!! Hubby is telling me that he feels more bone pain than he did at dx. His last treatment of Taxotere was 4/12, that seems to be a LONG TIME TO US!!! Today he is getting stat x-rays to check those spots for possible radiation. Will radiation interfere with his need to wait for DFCI appointment & treatment suggestions? Should I try to persuade him to wait for radiation? He was fine last week and thought he could wait. Whatever he choses I will respect his decision, it is his body and he is the only one that knows how he feels. If you talked to me 2 weeks ago I would have said we have time and he can wait, that we have hope and we are on top of our game. Today I would say that complete fear has encompassed my soul!! Tough job being a caregiver, not complaining though because I always tell him that if he had to get sick then I am happy I am the women that would see him through! I went nuts trying to book these appointments, faxing, phone tag, interuptions during work, gathering records, mailing discs, applying for DFCI approvals, e-mailing doctors and institutes........no one knows better than YOU. Again, not complaining just voicing my fear of losing assistance in our new treatment stategy from DFCI. If we have to start chemo then that is what we will do, but I do fear being removed from their care.

He may be having some anxiety about the pain and maybe thinking the cancer is multiplying out of control, and it could certainly be. I am worried that since we had to cancel an appointment in November 2006 because he was so ill he could not wait for a 2nd opinion, that Dana Farber may not allow us to book any more appointments or disqualify us for future clinical trials if we go there having radiation or being on a new chemo plan.. I do not want him to cut his nose despite his face. Sorry this is so long, I am blown away at the sudden urgency, yet I totally understand because he knew he was sick then and he knows he feels worse now.

Is there anything I can say to help him to wait? Should we go ahead & start chemo again despite having to wait for DFCI? I know the decision is his, "it is all about him"!! Any suggestions or ideas will be appreciated. Haven't been this petrified since we first heard the word CANCER and my fears are interferring with my normally rational thoughts. Crying inside and heart is bleeding. So sorry for you girls to hear such a desperate post, I know sometimes I make you cry and I am sorry for that too, but no one knows these things better than My Angels!!

Tomorrow is my birthday June 23 and I think you all know what I want for my B-day gift!! Until we talk again do not worry about me girls, for I always have and always will still BELIEVE!!!!