Should I quit my job?

Redwolf8812 · 01-16-2013, 04:22 PM

It's not physically demanding, but at times it can be mentally-challenging, which is what I like about it. Before I was diagnosed, I thrived on being a working mom. I managed to do both pretty well. Now, however, I find that I don't enjoy it so much. I dread getting up, seeing the kids off to school, and heading off to the rat race. At the office all I can think about is going home to put my feet up. I've tried taking several breaks throughout the day, but I still feel the same way. My employer and co-workers are awesome - I could not be more blessed in the workplace. I come home drained and have no patience with my family. They have to come first, however, they are the ones suffering, not my job. So I'm thinking about going out on disability retirement. I can also apply for SSI. Between the two, our monthly income will go down about $600. My husband is very supportive. He just wants me to be happy. I feel if I only have a couple of years (yes, I know, none of knows how much time we have left, but I know what the stats say), I'd rather spend it being a more pleasant mother and wife, instead of a mediocre employee and a cranky mommy. Working part-time isn't an option. It's just not that kind of job. What do you, my friends, think? Anyone had the same type of situation?

Love, me

jacqueline1102 · 01-16-2013, 04:44 PM

Hello Penny,

I do not have children which makes my situation vastly different from the majority of people on this site. Babies were just not in the cards for me. I am married and love and adore my husband. Sometimes I come home and I am tired but not having children or any other obligations really, then I can come home and just rest. I love my job. I will share this about myself. I am a clinical psychologist working in a family medicine residency program working along side physicians and nurses. The job energizes me and I feel productive. I have invested much into my career and to not work would kill me quicker than the cancer. That being said, if I had children/grandchildren then I would think I, too, would spend what remaining time I have with my family. If I were to quit right now then I would be sitting at home all day because everyone I know works. My plan is to keep working until I can't perform the duties of the job anymore. I am very realistic about the statistics since I work in health care every day. I would encourage you to sit in silence with this for a bit. You strike me as a spiritual person. Draw from this strength and then ask yourself which path you should follow. It sounds like you have mentioned too many negatives about working and much more positives about quitting. And if you can afford it, health insurance is not an issue, and your husband/family wants you to be happy then this may be a no brainer. Good luck to you. Decisions such as these are never easy. I try to give myself as much time as needed to really weigh all the data as objectively as possible. Take care,

Jackie

chrisy · 01-16-2013, 04:58 PM

Hi Penny,

Interesting timing on this post, as I just left a 1 1/2 hour meeting with my boss on a related topic. In my situation, I have worked full time (and more!) since my diagnosis in 2002, although there were times when I was not "all there" during chemo. I love my Company, job, my bosses and co workers, and they have all been incredibly supportive. At times I refer to it as "finding true love in the workplace"

This past year was the first time I actually had to take time off - I was out for over 6 months (one month due to chemo stuff and the rest due to my stupid leg complications!) It became clear that it was not a good thing to have me be the sole repository of some key functions and knowledge and so towards the end of last year we began talking about having a plan b that would be good for me and for the company. Recently my situation has been so unstable that it is now a matter of some urgency.

I haven't decided what I am going to do - my options are to keep working full time, maybe move into a different role, work a reduced schedule or just stop. I haven't investigated the disability issues in depth yet, but that will be part of the consideration.

In the end, the decision is yours, and you will make the right choice based on WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT to you. When you put it in perspective, the only things that really matter are those you love, and how you can best serve those relationships.

Laurel · 01-16-2013, 05:51 PM

Penny,

Life is short whether you have cancer or not. It seems to me if you can swing it financially, then time at home sowing into the lives of your children, helping them become strong, independent young people is a job worth doing 100%. The grind of cancer treatment wears thin after a time. If it were me, and the bills could be paid, I'd stop in a heartbeat. Good luck with your decision. Be at peace in whatever you do.

IrvineFriend · 01-16-2013, 08:14 PM

Hi Penny,

My kids no longer live at home but if I were in your shoes, I would have to agree wtih Laurel. I also really love my job, I started it just a couple months prior to my diagnosis and they have been as supportive as a company could be. But even so, after my diagnosis, I'd opt to cherish my time with my family and not my job. If you can swing it financially, you're very fortunate. I think you'll know the answer when it's the right time.

caya · 01-16-2013, 09:07 PM

Hi Penny,

My vote would be for quitting your job and spending your time being a great mom and wife... the memories you will make being at home with your family will be cherished forever...
And besides, stress is not good for you. Seize the moment...

JMHO.

all the best
caya

starwishn2 · 01-16-2013, 09:30 PM

I would love to be in the position financially where I could quit my job. I have 2 1/2 more years until I reach 30 years and can retire. However, now with cancer in my life I'll be working until I am able to receive Medicare (gotta have that insurance). It is such a personal decision to quit a job you enjoy. You need to do what will make you feel most comfortable and happy. Best of luck~

Jeri

BonnieR · 01-17-2013, 12:50 AM

I keep thinking of that quote about no one at the end of their life says "I wish I had worked more". As fulfilling as work can be, it is taking from your family time and tiring you. Maybe you need to write a pro and con list. Or just meditate on it. Keep the faith. The right answer will come

sarah · 01-17-2013, 01:12 AM

Hello,
can you take some time off to sort of try it out ? what about part time work? I don't work anymore after working very hard and I love not working even though I loved my job but some people feel isolated being home most of the day and don't know what to do with the time so it's something to think out carefully.
Definitely you should ask about working part time if you decide to work at all. You're very lucky to be in a position to chose.
If you decide to stay home and don't have a dog or a cat, I'd strongly suggest adopting one. (a puppy can be wearing so a little older I think is best)
good luck
sarah

Joanne S · 01-17-2013, 04:25 AM

Penny,
You are #1, not the job. You need to do what best for you. And work is second to family. First you, then family, then... Your workplace can and will replace you! You can NOT be replaced. And if need be, you can get in job in the future. Just my personal opinion.

I worked at the same place for 30 years and went on sick leave/disability after my initial dx. My job was very stressful, was 55 minute drive one-way, required overtime, and working from home on-call. I regretted my decision to stay home for the first year because it was so life-changing - just like this dx is. I have been home for 6 years now and for me, it was the best decision. Some people need to work throughout their treatment....

Remember: You are #1. You are what matters. You are important. Your mental health is more important than money.
So go ponder on it a lil more and then Do what is BEST FOR YOU! Only you know what's best for you. Good luck.
Hugs, Joanne

Lauriesh · 01-17-2013, 06:05 AM

I just wanted to add that, if you do decide to stay home, there are ways to make up that $600.
I have become "coupon queen", according to my kids, but it saves us at least 300-400 a month on groceries. If your getting takeout/ eating out because you are too tired to cook, you can also save money on that. Do you know that your kids also get money? If you weren't counting that in, the difference each month will also be less.

I have been a stay at home mom for awhile and I don't regret it. I love being there when they get home from school, making them a snack and hearing how their day was.

Redwolf8812 · 01-17-2013, 07:05 AM

Thanks everyone for the very valuable input and advice. I am blessed. My husband has a good job with benefits, so health insurance isn't an issue. I already figured the kids' SS benefits into the equation when we figured the $600/month loss. Many people have told me that you'd be surprised where you can cut back. As my husband pointed out, we're already saving $100/month because our very rural area just put natural gas lines down our street. Propane is very expensive out here.

My husband suggested taking a week, or two, or three, off, to see how I like it before making a permanent decision.

BonnieR · 01-17-2013, 11:25 AM

You are blessed to have such a thoughtful and wise husband
Keep the faith

karen z · 01-17-2013, 07:35 PM

It is very difficult to give others advice in this situation but I think the majority of the responders are saying the same thing. You need to do what will make you feel best. I think if you can take some time off "temporarily" that is truly an ideal situation as you will "know" (perhaps with more confidence) what you want to do.