Explaining hair loss to a young child

[Kris for Julie]

My best friend, Julie, is about to start chemo (Abraxane, as well as continue Herceptin). She's been told she will lose her hair for sure - again. Last time, her little girl was only 11 months old. This time, her daughter is a bright, four-year-old little girl filled with lots of questions about everything. Up until now, she has been oblivious to her mother's battle. (We just found out recently, after three years, that Julie's cancer had spread to her bones). Do any of you mothers of young children have any advice that I can give to my friend? She's still very hesitant to come online, but has appreciated all that I have learned from you wonderful women already! She was hoping that one of you might have some suggestions for her. Thank you, as always, for your thoughts! Kris

[Annemarie]

I find the truth is the best way and keeping it simple. I think I would just say," Mommy needs to take medicine to make her better and this medicine causes hair loss". Sounds blunt but the less you make of it the less they make of it. This has been my experience with my neices who at the time were about that age. I hope your friend gets better and it is so nice to have a friend like you!

[StephN]

Hi -
I had to deal with two little nieces and some other little ones when I first lost my hair. I just said that I got an owie in my boob and had to take some real strong medicine that I was allergic to. It made my hair fall out. That way they did not hug me too hard or expect me to pick them up all the time, because they did not want to hurt my boob.

Their little friend from daycare already knew about "bald women" since his grandma had to take the same bad medicine and her hair fell out too.

The main thing was to let them know that my hair would grow back and be just as nice as before. And when it started to come in they wanted to feel it and check it each time they saw me to be sure.

SO CUTE!

My daughter was 5 at the time I lost my hair. I told her that I had to take some special medicine and in addition to making me better it would do some "silly" things to me too like it might make me tired or make my tummy feel funny, but the silliest thing it would do would be to make my hair fall out. This way she did not view it as a negative thing and never felt bad about me losing my hair.
Hope this helps.
Kim

Our daughter was five when Rachel went through chemo. For her, it was not hard to understand that the "strong" medicine that was going to help Mommy was also going to do other things--like make her tired and lose her hair.

The big thing for our little one as far as I could tell, was wanting to know exactly when this would happen. This seemed to be creating a decent amount of anxiety, so Rachel wonderfully agreed to have a haircutting party--Jessie invited some friends, we invited some friends and neighbors (including one with a professional pair of clippers!) and Rachel had her hair cut down to a modified buzz.

As many folks recommended we kept her cut hair in a bag--in case Jessie wanted to "visit" it. She did want to look once or twice, but soon lost interest.

Good luck to your friend...

Jeff

Hi-my daughter was 4 yrs old when I lost my hair to chemo. I was honest with her, but kept the explanation short. Like the others, I just explained that the medicine that was getting rid of the bad cells in my body would make my hair fall out. I also let her go to the wig shop with me and that was a blast for her, not for the shop owner though. I let her pick wigs for me and I asked her what wig she would wear-her choice was always a pink wig. We just took it day by day and her Daddy shaved his head too. We also make sure that we celebrate ANYTHING good, like my peach fuzz, when my hair started to grow back. When she was comfortable with it, she even ran around the house in my wig and some of my hats-that was pretty funny. Please tell your friend good luck and it will all work out.

[StephN]

Hi "unregistered" -
You just reminded me that my nieces would go to my dresser and look in the drawer containing my new hat and scarf collection. They were permitted to play "dressup" with them and included me by changing my headgear. It was more of a little game with them.

[Daile]

Hi Kris,

When I first started chemo my daughter was also 4yrs and my son was 7yrs.
I took my children out to MacDonalds for an afternoon treat. I talked about how I had my lump, and then the operation to remove it. I told them that the doctors had some very special medicine and how it was so powerful that it would make mummy's hair fall out, and I would be bald. I kept it all very light hearted and said that I thought that I would look funny bald. I kept checking in with them on what they were feeling about what I was saying. We decided that when my hair begun to fall out that they we would shave it for me.
They seemed pretty keen for my hair to fall out faster than it did (two weeks later (Christmas Day 03)).

I choose to wear scarfs instead of a wig and started a new trend with all the children at my sons school.

Best wishes to you and your friend,

Daile

[Joannie]

I was so anxious about my kids seeing me bald. I decided we would have a haircutting party! My hair was quite long. I gave each of the girls a chance to chop it off. They thought it was a blast! Afterwards, we had ice cream Sundays. I didn't want it to be a day that horrified them, but rather a day when they could look back and say "Remember when we cut mom's hair and then had ice cream"! That is just what we did.
They were so accepting of my bald head. At the time, they were 10 and 7. They constantly rubbed my bald head and told me how beautiful I looked! Good luck to you!
Joannie

My kids were 7 & 9 when I went through Chemo. We downloaded a book called "Chemo Shark" from kidscope.org. The book is geared for 4 year olds as well. We were upfront and always answered every question they had. We cried and laughed together and they are so much stronger today for having gone through this experience with me. They are wonderful, strong, empathetic children.

I hope this helps