The "Healers"

[julierene]

Has anyone ever come across those people who want you to meet a "Healer"? Has anyone ever done it? I had a really good friend contact me today saying his brother is a healer... I am so skeptical and just confused about this friend of mine. I have never known him to be cookey, so now I am baffled. Why would someone believe this? If there were people out there who really healed cancer, they would have every person standing in line. Why do people cling to this kind of hopeless cure? He gave me the website www.truecures.com to look at.

Can you ladies help me deal with the guilt? I am having nothing but irritating thoughts of my friend right now.

[CLTann]

You have nothing to apologize about. As far as I know, there is no proven success by healers. Stay away from your friend and her healer, this is my advice.

There are legitimate alternative medicines which do have certain efficacy. Some of them improve the quality of life, which for some people is a quite important element of "cure". Some practices such as acupuncture, reduce pain and stress, make chemo easier to take, are also quite useful.

Best luck.

[Debbie L.]

Why do people cling to this kind of hopeless cure?

Great question. We are all so different. Some (on this list) would ask that very question about those of us who choose chemo as treatment. So very different - each one of us. And thus, the right answer for each one of us is different.

Early on, I'd try to talk "sense" into people who wanted to believe in something that seemed like nonsense to me. But over the years, I've come to respect each person's decision, if they are only applying it to themselves and not to me or some innocent other person. I've seen too many people made miserable by being coerced into treatment they distrusted, or being talked out of treatment that they did trust. It is healing (to spirit) to trust someone or some modality of treatment. It's hard to deny that healing of spirit is not important. Maybe it's more important than healing of body, in a larger picture that we do not always see. Maybe it's nothing more than an illusion - that lovely illusion of control that we all desire. We manifest that desire in different ways - strict adherence to the "right" diet, visiting a healer, or "knowing" that Herceptin cured us, etc. So if someone told me that they were going to see the "truecures" guy, and that they had great trust, etc - I probably would not do more than to wish them well.

But this friend is not just believing in something for himself. He's trying to push it on you, which is a whole different and bigger issue and I can relate to why it upsets you. You could thank him for his concern and tell him that you're not interested.

Really, that's what he's expressing - concern for you, even though it seems to you (and to me) like really naive and dismissive concern. I doubt that's how it seems to him. Cancer is so scary to people that they don't think straight about it - at least that's what I tell myself in the face of nonsense that seems well-intended.

Or you could take it upon yourself to try and educate, one person at a time. Write out a polite but detailed letter to this friend, telling him exactly what about his suggestion you found upsetting. Who knows, maybe he would get it. Maybe even if he didn't get it, you'd feel better for having tried.

Then there's the whole issue of whether the person or facility offering the miracle cure is pure-hearted or just out to make a buck. How sad, that anyone would attempt to make a profit by preying upon people in their vulnerable moments. I choose to think that most miracle curers and healers do believe in what they do. It's too awful to think that they do it only for money.

This is a great topic. Not just about healers and the issues around that, but about how we deal with the many times in our lives that we come across people who have major misperceptions about breast cancer. We each need to figure out what response(s) work best for us. Do we want to set everyone straight, telling them when they're wrong and educating them about what's true? I do, but then ... there are those looks where you know they're just being polite, and in their head they are saying "she's too close to it, too emotional, too intense". I don't like that - not so much because I care what they think about me but because when I see that look, I know that they're not hearing anything I'm saying. So I tend to save my breath.

I could go on about this, having recently attended a group where innacuracies were rampantly disseminated and I left upset and wondering if I'd done enough, or too much, to try and clarify some of the bad information that was bandied about as truth.

What do others do, in similar situations to the one Julierene is describing? I guess we probably all play it by ear - depending upon each situation?

Debbie Laxague

[fauxgypsy]

I have mixed feelings. I would love to believe. And medical science has proved, with placebos, that sometimes belief is enough (http://skepdic.com/placebo.html). But not all the time, and not for everything. I have had experiences that are beyond what some might believe, but I did not turn my back on conventional medicine. Every day conventional medicine upholds the value of another alternative medicine that they discounted previously. I think that you should follow your heart and intellect and not your fears. If you feel like it might help and it is not obviously quackery designed to make money and prey upon people's fears it might help in some way. However, if it goes against everything you believe, then it is probably not a path you want to follow. Balance is always important, and anything that will help you through this, physically or emotionally, can be important. For me. it might be reading Deppak Chopra or Wayne Dyer, for another it might be the prayers of their church members. If you are not comfortable with it, it probably won't help you.

On the flip side, it is important not to trust your doctor blindly. I know this first hand. Knowledge is power. You can be the expert in your cancer diagnosis. They do not have time to follow up everything for every patient. I am not saying disregard your doctor, but if at any time, you are uncomfortable with decisions he is making, be sure and ask questions, and if necessary, get another opinion.

Good luck,

Leslie

[Mary Anne in TX]

I think it is a good reminder that truths & healing are found in all sorts of places. What a job it is to find our own. ma

[Sherryg683]

My best friend who was diagnosed with late stage colon cancer went to a healer. A friend of hers brought her to see him. This guy had the mark of the "stigmata" and was in New Orleans at the time. She stood in line for hours to be touched by this guy. Sorry to say, it did not work for her, she only lived 9 months after diagnosis. Now this guy did not treat her with any herbs or anything, just touch and prayer. My friend did not really believe in him or his powers but was willing to try anything and her other friend had all these articles about his healing powers...so take it for it's worth. I guess if I were in that situation, I'd be willing to try anything that didn't hurt me or make things worse...sherryg683

[vickie h]

Hi Julierene, I also believe that whatever you feel deep in your heart has a lot to do with healing. And as Faux Gypsey said, don't follow the doctors blindly, but stay pro-active and do whatever it takes to get well.

There are pros and cons on both sides of this coin. Allopathic medicine has failed in many areas that Natural or Homeopathic medicine has excelled, and vice versa.

I have a friend who went to a healer here in California. The healer took no money, as she said her services were a gift from God. She took donations only and only if one could afford to make one. That was 4 years ago and my friend is disease free today after a very grim dx. The difference is, I believe, that she truly believed she could be healed and so went in that direction. She also incorporated Allopathic medicine in her regimine, as well as prayers, naturopathic, accupuncture, and many other avenues.

What may work for one does not necessarily work for another, as we have all seen. Even the chemo choices we have fare well with some, while others don't respond at all.

I hope you do what you truly feel in your gut. However you choose to go is your own decision and we all respect that. God never leaves your side for even a moment. If you believe there are any benefits to this healing, I would embrace it as a gift. If not, then research other options. There are many, varied reasons to go down the paths we choose. and they are all very personal. I wish you the best always.

Love and Peace, Vickie

[Sherryg683]

I don't know how I could have forgotten to tell you about my experience, don't know if I consider it a healing. We have a well knows nun in our area that people all over come to for advice and healing. The hospitals refer patients to her. She does not claim to be a healer but does claim that God works through her and receives messages from God. She councils patients and helps people who are dying face their final days. When I was diagnosed, I went to see her. She did some sort of oil rub on my breast, said a prayer and then went into some sort of silent meditation. She then looked at me and said "don't worry, you are going to be cured". I said to her "I am stage IV, there is no cure". She then said "do you believe the doctors or do you believe what God is telling me". Didn't have an answer there, I just figured the doctors knew what they were talking about. She then told me that she has to tell people all the time that they need to get prepared to meet God and that I should take a lot of hope in what she had told me. I later met a woman who worked for Sister Dulce (the nun). She said that she had seen so many things that led her to believe that she truely had a gift from God. She said in the beginning, she was doubtful and looking for something to disprove her. She said that she walked into the nuns office one time when she was talking to a cancer patient on the phone. This patient was telling her about how the chemo was causing him to blister and bleed. She said when Sister Dulce hung up the phone, her hands were blistered and bleeding from talking to this guy. She said that she knew then that she had some sort of gift. It's been over 3 years now and I have been so lucky and blessed to have remained NED. I do often think about what this sister told me and hope that maybe she was right. Oh yea, I did go back and see her about a year ago. When I walked in, I wanted to say..."remember me..you told me I'd be cured"..before she could tell me something bad. She immediately looked at me and asked me who it was that was causing me such grief. I had been having some problems with my husband. When I told her, she told me in these words "get him in here as soon as possible, so that I can chew his butt out. "...lol.. .She's very protective of her cancer patients. My husband got a big laugh when I told him that he was going to get chewed out by a nun...he never did go in and see her..lol..sherryg683

[freyja]

I've also been to see healers/shamans. The important thing is that you don't expect them to "cure" you of cancer. What I got from it was confirmation of my strengths and that there are angels and ancestors looking out for me, and they also helped me release emotional and spiritual traumas and garbage so I can focus my energy on my treatment and healing. If you find someone genuine, you may be surprised how intuitive they are and how much information they can give you about your spirit or the future.
I believe that everything that happens to us is stored in our body. You know that when you're stressed you can get a stiff neck or headache? That's a physical manifestation of emotional trauma. Some people can read the history in your body. Just like how our dogs and cats know when something is wrong. They sense changes in your heartbeat or smell our changes in hormones...who knows what. I just know there's something to it...I also know there is something to chemo and herceptin, etc.

[julierene]

This has some really cool commentary! Sherry, are they saying that they might have had a false positive on your lung mets? I know a lady who was just about treated for Hodgkin's they thought was in her chest and liver, and it ended up being some kind of infection that was cleared up with some strong antibiotics. Crazy huh?

Wow about Sister Dulce... Knowledge is power, but ignorance is also bliss. I have struggled with finding out that my children all have the genetic mutation that exposes them to the risk of 80% chance of getting cancer before the age of 30... so I don't know if I would want to know what Sister Dulce would say about my cancer. In some respects, I am doing well. In some respects, I am very luck. In other respects, it's hard to be 'incurable'.

It would be nice to believe that people are cured by positive thoughts and stuff like that. The nurse at my oncologists office has told me numerous times that people who were positive almost always seemed to live longer than expected - and vice versa. She very strongly believed that. I have always been a pretty happy and positive person, and I still am. BUT... this last round of treatment scared the bajeebies out of me. I went blissfully along with my 4th dx and all of a sudden chemo had to be switched 4 times because it wasn't working! But I might also add that right when I met my new boyfriend, who I am crazy in love with, at the end of December, my new medicine that was changed in the first week of January, FINALLY started working!! Also, this was a PRIOR treatment, that I felt might be worth trying since it worked so well the first time I was dx stage 4.

I'm a pretty big skeptic, but that kinda gets me a thinkin'.

[StephN]

Dear Julierene & everyone -

I was going to comment first time around and then this thread got away from me.

In France there are people who are a type of healer called "magnitazeurs" (spelling?) who are usually simple farm people who live in the countryside. It is said they have an inate intuition and can treat both animals and humans. They often can barely read or write.

My mother-in-law went to one such person in the south of France for a chronic bad back. They traveled deep into the countryside, but everyone knew where to find him. What he did was told to me in French so I am sure I am skipping some of it. But he felt around and when he found the areas that were not right he slathered on some kind of "goose grease" and did some manipulations. She never again had this back problem!

I have other friends in France who would go to one of these "healers" outside of Paris. One friend was an amateur tennis champion and was treated by that man a few times for injuries and strains. She always was back on the court in no time. Her coach even went with her to witness her visit and see for himself!

This is NOT addressing cancer, however. And neither does that web site to which you were referred. Those "testimonials" are from people who are not life threatened as for as I could see.

Wonderful that your new fella has awakened in you an excitement for life that may bring about some changes in body chemistry that work with your treatment. This is something that HAS been studied. (I read this study, but don't ask me where now!)

[StephN]

Oh - Sherryg's story reminded me of being at a crossroads with the main route to Lourdes in France. There is a canal and park there. The busloads of people headed for Lourdes stop there for the toilettes and to picnic.

I mean not just the French, but people speaking all languages who get on organized tours so they can visit the grotto at Lourdes where the miracles are supposed to happen. There were people of all mobility from walking to wheel chairs (even ambulances!!!), people with grotesque deformaties and diseases, and the caregivers (yes, sometimes nuns) to help them. What started out as a convenient stopping place for us became a window into another world! We left there a bit dazed by what had occurred!

Warning - one of my Parisian friend's mother had her handbag stolen at Lourdes when she knelt to genuflect and take the holy water. So, the opportunists are everywhere!

[Bill]

Julierene, I can't add much to what's already been said here. I wish I could give you some story of some amazing healing, but I can't. I can, however, tell you that I have witnessed some inexplicable events in my life, and many of those events occured in front of credible witnesses. All I'm saying is that I believe in a Higher Power, and we should explore all avenues for healing, without excluding any. Also, I'm sure your friend was coming from a good place, and trying to help. If your friend was too pushy, that can be annoying, but they only want the best for you. I know you have a positive attitude. You can see it in your eyes. Take care, Bill

[julierene]

Yep, it is interesting. The friend that has this brother, really seems to believe it. But I also wanted to note, that this isn't my new man. My boyfriend was an acquaintance from high school band. We reunited and clicked at a band reunion after Christmas. I had told myself I wasn't interested in dating for a long while too. It was a split second after I saw him that I had changed my mind - LOL! I thought for sure I would scare him off though with the Stage 4 stuff. But it didn't!!! I was SHOCKED. AND he likes to come with me to my chemo treatments. Go Figure?!

Oh I got some more great photos to share from Kristy Lane at www.klanephotography.com - enter site - your pictures - password is 'survivor' I am so thrilled at her talent! You can go to her blog and comment on her story about us too - It is SOOOOOO cool!