My Brother

MJo · 02-05-2008, 09:18 AM

My brother has been diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma BCell, probably due to his HepC+ status. He has other physical and mental problems. He has asked me to help him -- accompany him to his doctor visits, help him get Interferon, if it's not too late for him to take it. I will help as much as I can, but I feel so stressed and as though I'm never going to be happy again. As a two-year survivor, I feel a lot of fear around this disease. As a family member, I feel a lot of grief. Knowing his problems, I feel a lot of dread about interacting with him. This sucks. Thank you for letting me share!

Mary Anne in TX · 02-05-2008, 11:16 AM

Oh good grief....it does suck. I can so relate to your feelings about helping him now. My next thought was that after the first few visits, you'd hit your stride and do really well. I know it's certainly not at all the same, but I had those feelings when we had to go get our granddaughter 10 months ago. How can I do one more thing? The first 4 - 5 months were so hard, but now 95% blessings. I did rant fairly often at first that I couldn't do it for her, but each month the good % kept growing and then the best in me kept growing. Whatever you do, whatever is best for you, I know that you are more than able. Remember, you are a Her2 warrior. You've already done more than people thought you could. I'll be praying for you and him. Lots of love, ma

Mary Jo · 02-05-2008, 12:48 PM

Dear Mjo,

I'm sorry this has happened to your brother and to you. Prayers for strength and peace I ask the Lord.

Love and a hug I send.

Mary Jo

Lolly · 02-05-2008, 05:23 PM

MJo, I can hear the you.

Although I'm sure you want to help your brother, and understand him wanting your help as you are more familiar with the nuts and bolts of cancer treatment and he's probably more comfortable with you, it shouldn't all be on your shoulders. It's perfectly natural for you to feel dread and fear about your role in helping him face this challenge, due to your recent diagnosis and your personal history with him, and it would be more than ok for you to ask others in your family for help here. It shouldn't all be on your shoulders, for your own health and safety. If others in the family can't or won't help, then connect with a social worker at the health care facility where he'll be getting treatment and ask for help finding assistance, or possibly a community volunteer, to connect your brother with, who'll be available to transport him to appointments when you can't (for whatever reason; health, family issues of your own, or that you need an occasional or regular break.) Also, if you're a church goer, the church communities have volunteers who also serve this function. There's a service in our community called Love, Inc. which is available for these types of need, and they also provide assistance with daily living needs such as durable medical equipment, companions who will visit a homebound person, etc.

I hope that you can get some help with this, and know that we're here for you anytime you need to "vent". Hang in there!

<3 Lolly

Bill · 02-05-2008, 05:41 PM

Mjo, I'll be praying for you and your brother. May God grant you guidance and Peace. I think Lolly gave some really good advice. An angel once told me,"You must take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you have enough strength to care for anyone else?" Mjo, don't feel pressured into doing what you feel may be harmful to you. Please go light some candles, put on some relaxing music, and take a nice hot bath and clear your mind. Turn off the phone and let some of the options available come to you. Love and prayers to you, Bill

Paty · 02-05-2008, 06:42 PM

Mjo,

I will pray for you and your brother. You need to regain peace and strenght. I am sure you will see the light again after so much darkness. We all are here for you.

Paty

Joanne S · 02-05-2008, 10:02 PM

Mjo, I sorry to hear about your brother. I hope you will continue to put yourself first and only do what you can. I went through a difficult time a couple years ago with my brother when he had his leg amputated---so I truly understanding where you are coming from. My point is that I made myself sick doing too much. So please be careful not to get to the point that it effects your health.

I will pray for you and your brother,
Jo

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

MJo · 02-06-2008, 07:55 AM

Thank you all. Your caring and suggestions mean a lot to me and help me feel more peaceful. He has an appointment with a social worker at the cancer center. I also spoke with his social worker and she has my number. I talked with my youngest brother and he says he will help. I am going with my brother for his bone biopsy next week. It is hard to get accurate info from him, but that's part of the disease of addiction.

My job is to be happy and healthy. I am praying for me and him and appreciate your prayers. I know you are there for me in cyberspace, and that's wonderful. Bill, thanks for reminding me to take a steaming hot, relaxing bath today. Yesssss!

Bill · 02-11-2008, 06:57 PM

Hi Mjo! Just wondering how you and your brother are doing. I hope things are a little better, it seemed like it from your last post. Love, Bill

MJo · 02-12-2008, 01:51 PM

I took him to the bone biopsy and the appointment to discuss it is feb 26. Doctor thinks it's slow growing B cell lymphoma, but isn't sure what yet stage. If it's early and slow growing, he can take HepC treatment without lymphoma treatment. If it's a later stage, he might have to take HepC treatment and lymphoma treatment (chemo cocktail). My brother has some addiction issues and I asked the doctor privately if he was concerned with my brother's ability to comply with treatment. Answer was yes. That will be the hard part - letting go if I have to.

tousled1 · 02-12-2008, 02:23 PM

MJo,

My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry about your brother but must say that you can't do it all on your own. First and foremost you must take care of yourself. I'm glad that you have a sibling who is willing to help out. Lolly gave you some very good information. I will pray for you and your brother. Stay strong!