HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - working while going through treatment- male input requested

CoolBreeze · 06-08-2012, 06:44 PM

RolePaul, I think she said her income wasn't changed.

But, Alicia, you said "Why does everyone want me to to work?" Who is everyone? Is it just your husband or more than that?

If it's just your husband but you said "everyone" than I think you may be giving his statements too much weight. If many people have said it, then maybe you need to look deeper.

Yes, you should always listen to your husband, but this is the one time in your life where you need to do what is good for you no matter what anybody else thinks. If you are still making the same amount, and you want to take a day off because you don't feel good, or just want to relax and heal, it's not his business. It really isn't, married or not. You are living your own life too.

If it changes your income then it is his business - if it affects your finances, then you need to have a talk. But if I read your post right, it isn't.

Everybody reacts differently to chemo. I've been on it for three years straight and worked through it. I have finally come to the realization that I can't work anymore. I am leaving my job June 30th and going on terminal illness leave. But, I LOVE my job and I know most people don't. And, going into a place that isn't special to a job that is stressful may not help you heal.

I disagree with rolepaul that you need to get counseling to learn to listen to his concerns or include him in recovery. You have cancer and chemo. No counseling will ever get him to understand what you are going through. This is the one time you shouldn't have to baby him and walk him through something. It's CANCER. He either gets it or he doesn't.

My husband would never tell me I shouldn't take time off work after going through what I've gone through - even at the early stages when I was like you. He let me make that decision. I can only imagine that like the other women have said, he is afraid of his safe and secure life being changed, more than he's worried about your health and needs.

If he's a reader, than I would get him this book: http://www.amazon.com/Breast-Cancer-.../dp/1579548334

Good luck.

06-08-2012, 06:44 PM	#9
CoolBreeze Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 562	Re: working while going through treatment- male input requested RolePaul, I think she said her income wasn't changed. But, Alicia, you said "Why does everyone want me to to work?" Who is everyone? Is it just your husband or more than that? If it's just your husband but you said "everyone" than I think you may be giving his statements too much weight. If many people have said it, then maybe you need to look deeper. Yes, you should always listen to your husband, but this is the one time in your life where you need to do what is good for you no matter what anybody else thinks. If you are still making the same amount, and you want to take a day off because you don't feel good, or just want to relax and heal, it's not his business. It really isn't, married or not. You are living your own life too. If it changes your income then it is his business - if it affects your finances, then you need to have a talk. But if I read your post right, it isn't. Everybody reacts differently to chemo. I've been on it for three years straight and worked through it. I have finally come to the realization that I can't work anymore. I am leaving my job June 30th and going on terminal illness leave. But, I LOVE my job and I know most people don't. And, going into a place that isn't special to a job that is stressful may not help you heal. I disagree with rolepaul that you need to get counseling to learn to listen to his concerns or include him in recovery. You have cancer and chemo. No counseling will ever get him to understand what you are going through. This is the one time you shouldn't have to baby him and walk him through something. It's CANCER. He either gets it or he doesn't. My husband would never tell me I shouldn't take time off work after going through what I've gone through - even at the early stages when I was like you. He let me make that decision. I can only imagine that like the other women have said, he is afraid of his safe and secure life being changed, more than he's worried about your health and needs. If he's a reader, than I would get him this book: http://www.amazon.com/Breast-Cancer-.../dp/1579548334 Good luck. __________________ http://butdoctorihatepink.com 08/17/09 Dx'd. Multifocal/multicentric IDC, largest 3.4 cm, associated ADH, LCIS, DCIS HER2+ ER+/PR- Grade 3, Node Negative 10/20/2009: Right mastectomy, reconstruction with TE 12/02/2009: Six rounds TCH, switched to Taxol halfway through due to neuropathy 03/31/2010: Finished chemo 05/01/2010: Began tamoxifen, the worst drug ever 11/18/2010: Reconstruction completed 12/02/2010: Finished herceptin 05/21/2011: Liver Mets. Quit Tamoxifen 06/22/2011: Navelbine/Zometa/Herceptin 10/03/2011: Liver Resection, left lobe. Microwave ablation, right lobe - going for cure! 11/26/2011: C-Diff Superbug Infection, "worst case doctor had seen in 20 years" 03/28/2012: Progression in ablated section of the liver - no more cure. Started Abraxane, continue herceptin/zometa 10/10/2012: Progression continues, started Halaven, along with herceptin and zometa. 01/15/2013: Progression continues, started Gemzar and Perjeta, an unusual combo, continuing with herceptin and zometa 03/13/2013: Quit Gemzar, body just won't handle it. Staying on herceptin, zometa and perjeta. 04/03/2013: CT shows 50% regression in tumor, so am starting back on Gemzar with dose reduction, staying with perjeta/herceptin/zometa. Can't argue with success! 05/09/2013: Discussing SBRT with Radiology due to inability of bone marrow to recover from chemo. 06/07/2013: Fiducial placement for SBRT 07/03/2013: Chemo discontinued, on Perjeta, Herceptin and Zometa alone 07/25/2013: SBRT (gamma knife) begins 08/01/2013: SBRT completed 08/15/2013: STABLE! continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa 06/18/2014: *** NED!!!!*** continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa 01/29/2014: Still NED. continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin. Zometa lowered to every 3 months instead of monthly. 11/08/2015: Progression throughout abdomen and lungs. Started TDM-1, aka Kadcyla. Other meds discontinued. Remission was nice while it lasted. 5/27/18: Stable. Kadcyla put me right back in the barn. I have two teeny spots on my lungs that are metabolically inactive, and liver is clean. I’m beating this MFer. I was 51 when this started and had two kids, 22 and 12. Now I’m 60. My oldest got married and trying to start s family. My youngesg graduates from Caltech this June. My stepdaughter gave me grandkids. Life is fantastic.