[Andrea Barnett Budin]

When I broke my ankle, just after Taxotere I did not feel I had caused the accident. The pot hole created the problem, the way I looked at it. When I was dx w/bc some suggested I go the spiritual route. NO. I would do the mastec/reconst tram flap/and all the chemo AND do the spiritual thing. When I recurred, again absolutely I went w/the cutting edge opin of all 4 oncs -- w/the most aggressive weapon they had in their arsenal, to match my aggressive Her2 gene, found in between episodes. I thank God for Herceptin every day.

I also thank God for my bld pressure meds. Like I would imagine a diabetic is grateful for insulin. My husband's grandmother died of diabetes, before insulin came along. We who benefit from Herceptin (or Tykerb) live in humble gratitude.

Those who have failed in their battle were no less strong, brave and determined. All that we see is not all there is. Reasons beyond my imagination must have been in play. Perhaps they were needed in the Spiritual Realm for a task only they could manage. We are each unique. Why would you think to besmirch their memory w/such ugly thoughts?

I am still a warrior, holding on to the edge as best I can. I do not have any desire to LECTURE you. Sorry you feel that is so. Just trying to offer the best advice I have accumulated over the last 12 yrs to those struggling. Offering my hand -- to grab yours and help you over the edge w/me. That is my motivation. Nothing sinister. It is a loving gesture. Please don't be offended or angry w/my offering. If you are so filled w/harsh criticism that you don't want a spot on the lifeboat -- that is your choice. You do not have to think like me. What I post is a suggestion for your consideration. You are an adult, fully capable of making your own choices. Just some ideas you may not have considered that might be worthy of your attention.

I have nothing but respect and loving admiration for ev women on this board and ev woman I have known that has been thrust on this journey. None of us volunteered for this. But here we are, trying our best to do all we can do to help ourselves. It is what it is is where I went immediately (mentally) when dx. There was no escaping that. But I knew I could choose how I would respond. So I chose to be proactive, informed and take the spiritual path, having gleaned many lessons on the mindbody connection and now using it for my survival. And of course wanting to share these lessons w/all who are OPEN. To blossom you must open. If you are not ready, or choose not to think of the power you have been blessed with -- perhaps you will find other lessons, and hopefully, share them w/all of us. I promise I won't attack you for your opinions. I won't take them personally. I won't feel they fly in the face of those who've fought hard and lost.

Isn't it natural for all of us to wonder WHO ARE LIFE'S VICTORS? Who are the Olympic gold medalists? How did they get there? Was it luck? Or is there a common thread. I have noted this since I was a child, struggling daily against a raging father who was, as I see now in retrospect, a lost Soul. I felt mortally wounded and became mature quickly, fighting for my life against verbal assaults. When someone on TV asked the winners WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WON? I turned and listened intently. Same if they asked the "favorites" why they thought they lost. I turned and became riveted. I saw the common thread. What they all had in common was this -- they each KNEW they would win, or FEARED they would lose. They each SAW themselves winning over and over in the last yr, or vice versa. This lesson impacted me profoundly. Going within myself was how I remained optimistic, open, friendly, loving, compassionate and kind. It all had to happen to make me evolve into who I am today. And I am grateful for it all. No anger. No resentment or blame. No inability to forgive. I am free -- to BE. Sending you loving energy to nourish your Soul... ANDI