[chrisy]

Biddy,

[How do cope when your world is turned upside down?]

This was similar to the question my husband asked Oncologist#2 when I was diagnosed with secondary cancer in my liver. Although it was hard to believe at the time, her answer was both wise and true: "You just do".

That was a terrible time for both of us, as it is for you and your sister now. I am starting to cry right now as I write this and I'm not sure if it is for you and your sister, or me and mine. Probably both.

I agree with all the responses so far, and am sure you will hear from many others who have walked that path.

It's natural to grieve - you may feel that you and Kelly's dreams of the future have been stolen from you. That may or may not be true, but you will definitely have a different awareness and reverence for life.

But do not lose heart. You do not know what the future holds! True, science is running very fast and I believe the answers are nearly within reach. In the meantime, doctors are beginning to look at this as a chronic disease that can be managed, sometimes for a long time. True, there is not yet a "cure" but even if not curable, it is treatable. I know several who I believe ARE in fact cured of liver mets, it just isn't proven.

My advice for how to live in the moment and enjoy the "time left" with Kelly is this:

First, remember that you do not know what the future holds, or how long that future will be.

Second, (this really helped me, but then I am a little twisted) think about how stupid you'll feel 20 years from now - with Kelly still right there with you - if you've wasted it all worrying about death!

You just have to take it as it comes. One step at a time, breathe in breathe out. Appreciate every day for what it is.

And just love her.

chris