[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hi there Julie,

I have always been positive, sensitive, compassionate. Midst a difficult childhood, I would rush to my bathroom and lock the door, sob into a towel (cause my father got so upset when I cried). I would be shaking with sadness and hurt.

A Voice, ?? my Inner Voice, would calm me. It would tell me I was loved and lovable. A good person. I KNEW this but would begin to doubt when being yelled at with horrid words and accusations.

Many decades later, after being dx, reading and evolving, I realized I was always in touch with my instincts, with my KNOWINGS, with my Spirit. It guided and protected me, nurtured me always!

I began to realize that there's the voice in our heads that doubts and chastises, tells us we will never be able to do this or that. It basically torments us. So I now consciously choose to listen instead to my Inner Voice, which to be is our Spirit, created out of divine energy. We are each sacred beings. With a mind and body. We are each spiritual entities with KNOWINGS deep within us that we can access once we become Awakened and Aware. We REMEMBER WHAT WE NEVER KNEW WE KNEW.

We begin to see others as sacred beings, as Souls. Each different, each unique, yet ONE.

Perspective is key, Julie. I did not like going for tx. I knew the side effects I couldn't seem to avoid. But my attitude was always cheery. I smile all the time. I am in touch with holy Spirit, my I AM. And that gives me access to the abundant supply of Universal Love. I open my heart and it floods me. So I become granted with joy and serenity. I am filled with so much, I offer to everyone I encounter. Guess that's generosity of Spirit.

I am filled with caring and am enlivened by helping others. It is one of the main reasons we are here. To learn to love and care for one another.

I'm filled with humble gratitude for my many blessings, even midst the worst of chemo. I felt lucky. Able to walk and talk, feed and bathe myself. (My Mom had Alzheimers for 12 long heart-wrenching years. I'd quickly learned what gifts these small things are that we take for granted.)

I believed -- it could be worse. Which is pretty crazy for a 4th stage cancer patient w/a HER2+ gene! I could be paralyzed (like Christopher Reeve, after that strapping handsome young man in his prime fell from his horse). That was around the time of my dx in '95.

And then I was naturally led to meditation and guided imagery, seeing myself far far into the future in vivid detail. I read that making our Intention and our Expectation clear -- to my body and to the Universe -- would be heard and responded to! I learned the POWER OF OUR THOUGHTS. I had experiences with a debilitating herniated disk that was oozing and causing incredible pain and immobility -- for 2 yrs. Till I met a physiatrist who taught me to see that the more pain we feel the more fearful we become. And then, we feel even more pain. He drew a circle with 3 arrows. I LEARNED HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THE PAIN FEAR PAIN cycle! To see that the worst of the pain came in response to the last thought I had.

It's really difficult to stop everything and remember what you were just thinking! But I did it -- and EVERY single time it was a thought that caused STRESS (from what to make for dinner to I am invalid and I'm only 40 yrs old). I'd been told by numerous docs that I had degenerating disk disease. You only get worse from a degenerating affliction. I walked like a person who was severely handicapped and in great pain! Within 2 wks just this AWARENESS set me free.

I had a kidney stone the size of Texas and it was too large to pass on its own. I was determined NOT to have surgery. My urologist allowed me to try to pass it on my own anyway.

I was shown a plastic replication of our innards. The doc showed me where the stone was (just out of the kidney -- which had brought me to the floor, only able to speak in a whisper and ask for an ambulance -- a thought I'd never anticipated ever). The doc showed me the route the stone had to pass.

When the pain would come it meant the stone was moving -- and that was good!! So instead of tightening up and hampering the movement, I went WITH the pain. I drank 10 glasses of water a day. Strained my urine to catch a sample of the stone for testing. I VISUALIZED, using guided imagery. After many wks I added jumping rope, to jar the stone.

10 wks after my stone came out of my kidney, I PASSED IT! When I brought it to my doc, he grinned from ear to ear and was breathing fast, amazed!!! He was so proud of me. As was I! I did it. (I'd been down to less than 5% chance of passing that stone without surgery.) I just set my mind to it.

So when bc came, I approached it similarly.

Now I am reading Neville's LAW OF ASSUMPTION and he gives me words to explain how I accomplished what I have, including determining -- with the help of surgery/mastec/tram flap reconst, chemo, Herceptin (thank you Dr. Slamon!!!!), meditation, guided imagery, multiple supplements, mantras, self-talk and all I describe in all my threads and posts -- that I would be among the group who were the Survivors.

Oh and sharing with others, hugging a lot, offering myself, vulnerabilities and all, to others -- add that to the recipe to. It's good for you, and good for everyone!!

It's a Julia Child complicated recipe, but it's really delicious!!

I wish victory to all of you!

With Love and Light,
ANDI