[Andrea Barnett Budin]

What we see is actually our "expectations" and "assumptions".

It was easy to see the face of cancer when I would look into the mirror. I saw a bald head, no eyesbrows or lashes -- a vacant stare. My tram flap reconstructed breast was no match to my then 50 yr old breast. Scars predominated the landscape. It was a good substitute. I am and was grateful for it, but it had no sensation and that was keenly disturbing.

I consciously chose to see the sewn gashes as war wounds. This is what Victors look like, I thought. I decidedly envisioned myself far into the future. In my family's lives. PRESENT, radiant, wrapped in love and imbued with love.



I could have assumed that the statistics for 4th stage breast cancer, and I would learn 3 yrs later, when my bc was found raging throughout my liver, the newly revealed statistics for HER 2 + (80% as they reckoned in 1998) spelled less than a 15% chance of surviving a year. But I KNEW I would fall in that small group! I was determined to get there. This plus my lobular classification meaning the bc was deep inside me, and was present in several lymph nodes from the getgo, meant my highly aggressive cancer
was even more virulent than anyone had thought.

I lived not in hope, I just sensed that WAS NOT strong enough. I lived in certainty. I know, the audacity. But -- I just KNEW. My Inner Voice told me this was so.

I easily could have allowed these realities govern my conscious and subconscious movements, but I consciously chose instead to BELIEVE that what I wanted "already existed" in another realm of being and I was steadfast in drawing it and calling it to me! That was my job. I was utterly dedicated to it, with every fiber of my being.

I used the power of my carefully chosen thoughts, and images, to state my claim to my desired destiny throughout each day dutifully. I was passionate, tenacious and oddly serenely certain I was living on the high tide of my wish fulfilled!

I meditated daily. The gentle breathing in of life-affirming air through my nostrils, holding it -- as I consciously connected with The Present Moment -- and then releasing the air slowly through my pursed lips, blowing it and all that was negative and toxic away from me, kissing it goodbye was incredibly freeing. Focusing on the intake, the holding and the letting go was key.

I'd follow this breathing (after 5 or 10 minutes) with my vivid memory of one of the most beautiful sights I literally danced in when I was 15 years old, in the Catskills. The sound of the birds chirping, tweeting, trilling. The sound of my hand moving back and forth in the pond as I knelt in the green grass, stroking the water was recalled. The blueness of the sky, the glorious brightness of the sunshine, the colors of the wildflowers, the reflection of the tall think trees in the pond was remembered and revelled in.

Then I would envision myself far into the future at a family celebration. I was there, smiling and laughing, clapping my hands. There was music and everyone was swaying and full of happiness. All that this daily ritual instilled in me, stayed with me throughout the day and brought me immense and utter joy and tranquility! It was all an affirmation of the reality of my wish becoming fulfilled...

CONTROLLED IMAGINATION and ABSORBED ATTENTION/FOCUSED, CONCENTRATED ENERGY are among our greatest tools! With my power of choice, I lingered only in that which was lovely and of good report. Despite the looks I sensed from the docs and the nurses that I was a walking dead woman, doomed. Despite the way friends and others acted with me. Their empathy was apparent as was their sense of helplessness though each gave me their best at all times, and for that I was and remain eternally grateful!

The intensity and force of my mental affirmations would somehow cause the Universe to rearrange atoms and cause the manifestation of such yearnings -- no BELIEFS more than yearnings -- to me.

I sensed that surely my negativity and sense of defeat would do the same. Intuitively, I KNEW that self-fulfilling prophesies were/are real!

The bad thoughts and visions that would occur, of course, I would emphatically consciously choose not to dwell on them -- or give them power!

My attitude permeated my thoughts which led to my spoken words and my daily acts and resulted in living each day with a sense of joy and harmony. I vowed to remain loyal to my Beliefs and my sense of certainty. My Inner Voice guided me to the wisdom of this.

I "assumed" that I would prevail, and I lived each day in that powerful KNOWING.

*Knowings* are enlightenments that wordlessly lie within you …

They await your Awakening. Eons of wisdom dwells within you...

A KNOWING is an intense sense that something is so, beyond all hesitation and doubt, regardless of scientific or legal affirmation. I leave my words to all who wish to Know -- to REMEMBER what they never knew they knew.




Your reality echoes that which you "assume". I KNEW this. So I was strict about allowing certain assumptions to rule my life. I BELIEVE that we are each the Master of our Fate!

I took my attention away from what I feared and gave it to what I wanted. I didn't resist my fears, I renounced them. I didn't give my fears any power nor my time. I forcefully directed my imagination. You give beauty for ashes when you concentrate your attention on things as you would like them to be rather than on things as they appear. You give joy for mourning when you maintain a joyous attitude regardless of unfavorable circumstances. I chose to maintain a confident attitude instead of succumbing to despondency. I believe that I AM is glorified when your highest concept of yourself is manifested.


I discovered that my own controlled imagination is in fact my saviour.



I chose not to concentrate my energy and power on things that were useless or destructive. I focused on the ideal I wished to attain. And so I experienced a happier and I think nobler life as a result of pruning my imagination.


WITH LOVE AND LIGHT,
ANDI