[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I am not a doctor or medical professional. I am a bit of a professional patient, as the result of the last 12 yrs. I have read extensively on spirituality and have found many lessons and messages that resonated with my heart. And I believe these things to my core. I share them for whatever they are worth to you, praying they ill inspire you to think long and hard and draw your own conclusions. I mention THE DIVIDED MIND by Dr. John Sarno, who I actually saw in 1980 for a debilitating agonizing bad back that orthopod wanted to operate on, but I refused that knowing many who'd had the surgery and had either no good result or fleetingly good. Dr. Sarno is a physiatrist. He deals with the entire body, treating the entire patient, versus just the symptoms. Not getting at the cause. He is a professor at NYU, was head of the NYU Medical Center outpatient clinic and taught at Rusk Institute. His views are controversial. Mainstream docs don't see bodily malfunction as he does. After two yrs of constant pain at the age of 40, reaching for a way to live w/my diagnosed "degenerating disc disease" (which was visualized on MRI w/a protruding disc that was oozing AND the spasms of which could be felt by the doc's hands) -- this healer taught me about the power of our thoughts.

I had been alert to the mindbody connection in the '70s, watching PBS specials w/studies on the topic and was blown away by the power of the mind. A young adolescent had a very serious illness, I can't recall precisely what. But what struck me was they had given her some new med that "cured" her, or stopped the symptoms. But she was young and could not stay on this drug longterm. They began infusing her w/the drug while exposing her to the very pungent odor of roses (or some such flower). Slowly they weaned her off the drug. Her body began to respond whenever exposed to that odor that had trained her brain to respond (much like a conditioned response). She "took" the odor regularly, and remained well. That's incredible I thought.

Another woman, dx as a split personality, would change character before the doc. One was a diabetic. When she believed she was the other personality, her glucose was normal. When she believed she was the diabetic personality, her glucose soared. Isn't that interesting I thought.

So Dr. Sarno, who's book is poignant and worth slowly reading and digesting, explained the power of our thoughts w/lectures and demonstrations -- as I began to see that I was stuck in a cycle of fear/pain/fear. The more pain I felt, the more fearful I became of having a recurrence of total dibilitation, the tenser my muscles became, squeezing and pinching nerves creating more pain. My God I have a degenerating disease of the SPINE! That means I will only get worse than I already am! More fear. Which created more pain. Around and around in a circle. Dr. Sarno explained that each time I felt the "gasping" pain out of nowhere I should stop what I was doing and go back and search my mind for the exact thought I was thinking at the time the pain struck. He predicted that I would prove to myself that EVERY time I would see a connection to a stressful thought (from what will I make for dinner to how will I deal w/my youngsters temper tantrums). As I proved this to myself over the next wks, I began to see that my thoughts were creating the gasping, debilitating pain, along w/my body's help in tensing, etc. Within a month I was pain free. My back was healed. No meds. No rehab.

I felt no guilt about having caused my own pain. It was not consciously intentional. It is the way our minds impact our bodies. I took the lesson and began to apply the power of our thoughts in positive ways. I had no desire t punish myself. I happen to like myself very much. My Spirit wants what is best for me. But I never even knew it existed before bc. My ca led me on a spiritual journey that enhanced my QOL immeasurably. I found serenity, enriched joy, greater compassion, more kindness, awe and gratitude than I ever imagined possible. And that is what I wish for all of you. So I try to share my experience. I do not wish to change your mind, but make you think a bit, as Dr. Sarno made me think. Test it out. See if it works for you.

Surely I do not blame the victim. But, in hundreds of ways, we are all victims, beyond bc. We have all suffered traumatic events in Life. Not to would be remarkable. Pain makes us grow, makes us more OPEN to receiving lessons and messages. Bc has opened my heart to become a vessel for Universal Love. I meditate with my hands out and palms up, as I read that this makes us more able to "receive" energy from the Universe. As I think loving, kind, compassionate, generous, grateful thoughts full of my goals and dreams for myself and those whose lives have touched mine -- that energy will draw LIKE ENERGY from the Universe to me.

Never feel you have cursed your life. But rather see a way to bless your life. Don't respond with anger and outrage. See the gift of such KNOWINGS -- the PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT they offer. I wish you all bliss and tranquility, empowerment and healing and generosity of Spirit... ANDI