[bejuce]

Dear beloved HER-2ers,

I'm dealing with a difficult situation at home and I need your input on how I should proceed. My father, who was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 1994 that recurred in 2001 and 2011, has in a period of what it seems to be a few weeks, been diagnosed with mets to his liver and peritonium. He was admitted to the hospital this week after his first chemo (Gemzar/Carboplatin) last week with some rectal bleeding.

Doctors did an endoscopy, blood work, and colonoscopy and determined that he has mets in his colon as well. We're dealing with a very, very aggressive cancer here.

My mom and sister have asked the doctor not to tell him about this latest development. I am stunned at this as my father and sister are both doctors (they live in Brazil) and knowing my father, I'm sure he would like to find out the truth from his doctor and participate in his care decisions. Having gone through my cancer experience here, I've learned to be my own advocate and always ask the doctors questions and work with them to identify the best course of action. My sister and mom want to withhold all information from my dad at this point, thinking that this is better for his state of mind. I think there are cultural and social issues at play here, and I feel powerless over this. I told my mom that I didn't agree with their decision, but given that I'm here thousands of miles away, there's not much I can do.

I've asked my mom to talk to the doctors about radiation, but she thinks we shouldn't be asking or telling the doctors anything as we're not doctors and don't know any better.

Has anyone dealt with anything like this before? If part of your family is pushing to withhold information from the patient, what do you do?? I feel so powerless that I'm not there to act on his behalf....

Thanks!!!