[Sherryg683]

Sometimes I think back on what could have caused this cancer in me. I was in tip top shape when I got it, best cardio shape in my life. Then I think back to all the days that I got myself in total fits of rage and stress over stupid things that meant nothing. I would literally shake with rage sometimes. I don't know if this stress I put myself through contributed to my cancer, but sometimes I wonder. I now try to control the stress, I don't get angry and worked up near as much. I do have my days but I try to stop them. I have started to let my healthy husband handle all the "dirty" work in our family. I was always the first to jump on the phone and chew someone out for some injustice..now he takes care of the problems..i like it that way. But as far as positive attitude. I am and have always been a glass half empty person. Every time I go get a scan, I just figure this is the one where it's going to be more bad news. My Oncologist always tells me that I am his first stage IV breast cancer patient that has gone this long without having to get back on chemo and tells me how good I am doing. I always laugh and tell him because it's because of my "positive attitude"..lol. Although i do find that I gain so much strength and positivity from God and praying. I like to go skinny dipping in our pool very very late at night. I will just float there, look at the stars and talk to God. I thank him for everything and pray for others. This somehow grounds me and gives me peace and strength. When I look at all those lovely stars above me, I know there's something more out there, I feel free. So I guess we all do what we have to to find strength. I don't find it productive in trying to figure out why I got Cancer, it's done and over with now..I just have to live with it...sherry