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fauxgypsy · 08-21-2007, 04:07 PM

I do know what you mean. As I am sitting here I am just beginning to accept that I may not die of this. To believe in this miracle. I have been listening to my doctor the last few weeks as we discuss all my tests being negative, all the negative pathology reports, girding myself everytime we do a new test, trying not to plan anything. It is very hard to believe that my future might not include cancer. I will always have to live with the thought of recurrance as any survivor will, but this is a far cry from my earlier diagnosis. It is almost as if it I think it will recur if I relax and accept the good news.

I am self-employed (artist and faux finisher) and have been searching my soul about job hunting. I worry that the physical part of my work will be too much after my mastectomy. I am on medicaid now but I worry about insurance and benefits. I wonder if I should try to get back in research. Use my degrees (biology, genetics). I really like having a variable schedule, a certain amount of freedom and I don't know if I could ever be happy in a nine to five position again. I don't want fear to drive me but it is there. So for the next few months I am, at a very good friend's suggestion, trying to let it go. I will finish my herceptin, I will see how my scans are and I will continue to take life one day at a time. My daughter can help me with the faux finish work, hopefully my fine art work will start selling and either way I do not have to make a decision right now. Good luck with your decision.

Leslie

08-21-2007, 04:07 PM	#28
fauxgypsy Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Mississippi Posts: 600	Tempting Fate? I do know what you mean. As I am sitting here I am just beginning to accept that I may not die of this. To believe in this miracle. I have been listening to my doctor the last few weeks as we discuss all my tests being negative, all the negative pathology reports, girding myself everytime we do a new test, trying not to plan anything. It is very hard to believe that my future might not include cancer. I will always have to live with the thought of recurrance as any survivor will, but this is a far cry from my earlier diagnosis. It is almost as if it I think it will recur if I relax and accept the good news. I am self-employed (artist and faux finisher) and have been searching my soul about job hunting. I worry that the physical part of my work will be too much after my mastectomy. I am on medicaid now but I worry about insurance and benefits. I wonder if I should try to get back in research. Use my degrees (biology, genetics). I really like having a variable schedule, a certain amount of freedom and I don't know if I could ever be happy in a nine to five position again. I don't want fear to drive me but it is there. So for the next few months I am, at a very good friend's suggestion, trying to let it go. I will finish my herceptin, I will see how my scans are and I will continue to take life one day at a time. My daughter can help me with the faux finish work, hopefully my fine art work will start selling and either way I do not have to make a decision right now. Good luck with your decision. Leslie __________________ In the world of destiny, there are no statistics. Jan. 26- mammogram and ultrasound- suspicious lump Mid-February- lumpectomy, infiltrating ductal carcinoma ~4.5 cm and a 1 cm DCIS, did not get clear margins, did not check lymph nodes ER+/PR+, her2 +++, nuclear grade 3 of 3 February 20-PET scan showed something on liver. No biopsy. March- Started carboplatin, herceptin, taxol on a four week cycle May 3- Pet scan, with intent to do a biopsy, found nothing, liver or breast- no biopsy because there is nothing to biopsy June 21- new onc, very concerned that there had been no biopsy, June 18th-CAT scan, bone scan-negative August 7th - Brain MRI-negative August 9th- mastectomy, all pathology negative January 2008 still NED! New oncologist -herceptin for full year after chemo- until July, and tamoxifen---negative scans since May '07 July 2008-Finished Herceptin!