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Old 05-06-2009, 09:04 PM   #20
Believe51
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: RHODE ISLAND (Ed getting me a latte on 2nd Cancerversary Cruise 2008) 'BELIEVE': To accept as true or real, To have faith in, To presume ALWAYS BELIEVE
Posts: 2,999
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Barb, I know you are going through such a overwhelming time in your journey. Please know that we all face fear and depression during our cancer treatment, patient and caregiver. It is tough enough to be sick; then add in thoughts that rob you from sleep, mix in some worry and anxiety, blend some aches and pains and fold in the mets......well this is a recipe that provokes those feelings no matter how upbeat we normally are. I think that the times when we are fearful the most we should come here. You are not alone Darling and you never will be. I sometimes feel I will pop some balloons if I come here sad, sort of like what you feel. It provides us all with an chance to blow yours up, our only way to help support you besides enjoying your victories. We all need to know the good and bad things on this journey to help us on ours too. Please come to us when you are happy or sad, we are family and love you so.

As your friend, a sometimes sad and fearful one, I know that we are all somehow programmed to fight. Whether fighting cancer or other fights in life, it is how we roll. Although I am your friend and one who does not have cancer, I speak from the heart. I tell you to keep fighting but I can understand the thoughts of you not knowing where to go. These are not selfish feelings, Barb, this is your reality. Your post proves that you are not ready to 'go there' yet so I beg you to keep fighting, stay one step ahead and attack from all angles. More and more I have that conversation come up with Ed and sometimes after one I need to go into the other room. This is our reality but he is not ready to stop treatment. Please know this is not selfish act, this is about quality of life and an act that must be thought out well. You will know when it is time, if that time comes and for some it never does.

I sit here tonight and have no need to urge you to fight, your voice says you are ready to kick some cancer butt. If your gut feelings about not treating the mets as aggresively as you would like, keep searching for that answer. I send love to you, Barb, happy or sad I love you the same. You hang in there, stay strong in your mind, and breathe. We will see you through this all.>>Believe51

I am still out of work and offer you any research support that you want me to help with. I mean it!
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9/7/06Husband 50yrs=StageIV IBC/HER2+,BoneMets10/06TaxotereX10,'H'1X wk,Zometa,Tamoxifen4/12/07Last Tax5/18/07Pet=Rapid Cell Activity,No Organ Mets,Lytic Lesions,Degeneration,Some Bone Repair5/07ChemoFail6/01/07Pleural Thoracentisis=Effusions,NoMalignantCells6/19/07+7/2/07DFCI
6/25/07BrainMRI=BrainMets,Many<9mm7/10/07WBR/PelvisRad37.5Gx15&Nutritionist8/19/07T/X9/20/07BrainMRI=2<2mm10/6/07Pet=BoneProgression
10/24/07ChemoFail11/9/07A/Cx10,EndTam12/7/07Faslodex12/10/07Muga7512/13/07BlasticLesions1/7/08BrainMRI=Clear4/1/08Pet=BoneImprovement,
NoProgression,Stable4/7/08BrainPerfect5/16/08Last A/C8/26/08BrainMets=10(<9mm)9/10/08Gamma10/30/08Met=5mm12/19/08Gamma5mets5
12/22/08SpinalMets1/14/09SpinalRads2/17/09BrainMRI=NoNewMets4/20/09BoneScan5/14/09Ixempra6/1/09BrainMRI=NumerousMets6/24/09DFCIw/DrBurstein6/26/09Continue
Ixempra/Faslodex/Zometa~TM now lower7/17/09Stop Ixempra By Choice9/21/09HOSPICE10/16/09Earned His Deserved Wings And Halo=37 Month Fight w/Stage 4 IBC, Her2+++,My Hero!!
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