[Merry]

Thank you very much Trish. I am not sure if Mom understands that it would help me if she had Hospice here at the house now. They've told her that she can start it now and then if she feels ok, she can stop it anytime. Today she said that she didn't want it. After the Visiting Nurse left, she told me that she wouldn't have a doctor anymore if Hospice stepped in because they would be the ones to distribute any meds she would need. I don't recall the Hospice Nurse I spoke to saying it that way, and I said I was pretty sure she would be still be under her doctor's care. They're suppose to call and talk to her to explain things that she'll hopefully understand.

She has an appt to have her lung tapped on Monday, which was HER choice of day to go in, instead of going in sooner, like on Friday. Well, tonight she told me that her oxygen level was down to 78% just from walking outside and back in. It was ok yesterday. And it's fine if she's sitting or laying down. The last time this happened it was because she puts treatment off til the last second and then I scramble around like a crazy person trying to take care of her, change appointments and generally freaking out because I can't help her other than get her on her oxy machine and make her comfortable.

So tonight I will be too worried to sleep much. I don't know if the hospital will take her on Friday if her levels are worse because her appt is on Monday and they said she can't have any freaking aspirin 5 days before they tap. I told her that this is getting hard on me trying to make health decisions about her care and how soon she needs this or that. All she said was "not to worry, she'll be fine!" LoL THIS IS WHY I'M CRAZY! LoLoL

My Mom, dying from Stage 4 Lung Cancer, and the "tappers" are worried about her having aspirin?? And I think I'm the one losing my mind..lol

So, I guess unless she's bedridden, she won't get Hospice started. And I just hang around doing what I can, being there for her, and sometimes wishing I could go back home and be with my husband and our dog in the desert and this is just a bad dream.

There, I've said it, I'm selfish and not feeling like such a good daughter....but thank you for letting me type away some frustration.
God bless you and keep you from harm....peace, G