[Merry]

Thanks Schoolteacher!

We went to the doc to see if her lungs needed to be drained. It's just awful to see how good she looks and yet the cancer is all thru her body. The family doc answers our questions better than that oncologist. She can't have radiation or surgery because it wouldn't be worth the discomfort because the cancer is everywhere. She says that it's in the lung fluid, and because the fluid leaks out, cancer cells go all over the body. Doesn't that just suck? Takes away all shreds of hope. I don't know how people can get thru anything bad without hope. How does a fatally sick person get up every morning knowing life can end any time? I don't know how she does it, but I give her all the credit in the universe for doing it. I'm the one who seems to be despairing the most, lol but she doesn't know it. I tease and mess with her like I've always done.
I'm just so tired. I never seem to get enough sleep. I hate my old bed, I hate being "stuck" in one room, I miss my own home, my husband and my dog. I miss having 2 bathrooms! lol Listen to ME whine when she is the one going thru hell. I just thank God she's having a good stretch of days since she decided to not take chemo anymore. It made her so sick and nothing helped the nausea and we have just about every pill they can perscribe. Even pot pills which I think I'll take since she can't..lol Wink!
Thanks for "listening" to my type. I'm just so pissed off and stressed so thin and wishing for remission so I can at least THINK about flying back home for a little while.
God bless everyone here....peace, MgL