[Colleens_Husband]

Merry:

I took care of my wife, Colleen and I know what you are feeling about all of this. This can easily be the most frustrating and taxing thing you every will do in your life, and it also can be the most rewarding thing you can ever do at the same time.

I hear what you are saying when you mentioned that you do not know if you are doing things the right way. It really doesn't matter too much if you are a perfect caregiver. What matters is that you are a caregiver. Just being there and trying is enough. You aren't a medical professional, you are just a normal person doing the best you can and that makes you a saintly person in my book.

Finally, when I was getting overwhelmed taking care of someone with chemo, raising two children, and trying to keep a business running in bad economic times, someone said something that really opened my eyes. When the oxygen masks fall from the ceiling of the airplane, the parents are supposed to put their oxygen masks on first so that they can effectively care for their children. This is a very sensible thing for the health and safety of both the parent and child. Likewise, you need to take care of yourself in much the same manner as the oxygen mask. If you get emotionally and physically beat down, then you will not be able to care for your mom. If you need to, arrange hospice care for an afternoon (and if you are clever, you can get it for free) and go take a walk, go to a movie, spoil yourself, do whateveer you need to do to recharge yourself. If you do this, then you can do a much better job caring for your mom.

Being a male person, I am sometimes plagued by the delusion that I can be Superman. I can do anything, endlessly without respite, without thanks, and without help. This is, of course a useful form of madness, but it is madness all the same.

Merry, please take excellent care of yourself. The path you are following is not easy, but you will ultimately be very glad you followed it. Remember that you are not alone. We are here for you. You are in our hearts and prayers.

Lee