[NEDenise]

My friends,
I am totally blown away by the outporing of love and support from all my HER2 sisters! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Once again I have to say that I don't know how I would ever get through this nightmare without this community!

Here's an update...
Because of the size (3cm) and the location (very close to my brain stem) the wonderful Penn Medicine "machine", and my beloved oncologist, got me in to see the head of neurosurgery less than 12 hours after my MRI. And thank God for that, because he was so wonderful. In the time I spent with him, I went from very, very sad...to thinking...Okay, I can do this.

His plan is to do a Gamma knife procedure (he's done 1000s, literally...such a comfort that only one of us is new to this!) Possibly followed by stereotactic radiation to the 2 sites if needed.

No shaved head (silly to even think about that, I know, but my hair just this past week got long enough that I look like myself again), and

no damage that will change my personality (I realize that "pride goeth before the fall" and all that jazz...but I really like me, the way I am...I suspect much of my sadness stemmed from fear of not being the same wife and mom my family needs and loves...and of course...of leaving them much too soon)

And, much less important but still of concern... I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to return to work...and would then lose the insurance that pays for this joy ride of mine!

He assured me that, barring anything tragic, and unforeseen (in which case I'll be in a deep, and permanent coma, and really won't be in any shape to worry), I should be back in my classroom in September. He said that I'll probably still be suffering from post surgical fatigue...but I'll be there...doing my best, until the fatigue fades.

After the procedure, the plan is to do an MRI every 3 months and zap anything new that has the nerve to pop up. I'm also scheduled for a bone scan, a dexa scan, and a full body CT in the next week, to make sure it's only in my brain. (listen to me! ONLY! talk about a paradigm shift!)

And Steph, you were right, they did the clinical neuro eval... twice...touch your nose, walk a straight line, remember these 3 words, follow my finger with your eyes...etc And they agreed, I have absolutely no symptoms. Even the migraines that made me ask for the MRI seem to be just migraines...completely unrelated.

And for those of you who were sharp enough to sniff out the cerebellum/balance connection...and my fall/freak accident. No way, sorry. I saw the insurance video. I was in perfect form, balanced, graceful...then the gunk on the floor, combined with the laws of physics just tossed me around like a rag doll.

So, I guess the lesson to be learned is...every single one of us should INSIST on a brain MRI before we think we're NED and try to go on with our lives. If I had waited for symptoms, it might very well have been too late to do anything about it, without damaging my brain very, very badly. Herceptin, and even the harsh chemos like Taxol and Adriamycin don't cross the blood/brain barrier. The surgeon said the brain is a "pharmacoligical sanctuary"...basically, we chase the cells out of the rest of our bodies, then hope they don't head off to cause trouble in our brains. Our brains seem to be like Aruba for HER2 cancer cells...the climate there is perfect every day of the year! Cases like mine are not nearly as unusual as I always thought.

Please friends...learn from my situation...if you have to fake symptoms to get somebody to order a brain MRI...DO IT! Migraines, and blurry vision will do nicely, I believe. I'm even authorized to offer general absolution to those of you who feel lying about such things is wrong.

I should have a more definite timeline for how all of this will unfold by the end of the week. And it seems like the actual gamma knife will be next week. So I'll keep you posted. All the prayers, hugs, positive energy and notes of support are very much appreciated. You are so wonderful to me....and are giving me exactly what I need...to stay strong, and keep fighting. Attitude is so important!

Hugs to all of you!
Denise- who is ready to get back in the fight!

PS-Those of you who PMed me......please be patient with me...as I try to get caught up with my replies.