Ann, your face is not "blah."
(Couldn't let that pass. I've followed your blog and your posts elsewhere since I was diagnosed, and your face is very pretty, has good bones and is expressive of your personality. Definitely not blah.)
This part is for Tracy:
When my doctor found the lump, I made an instant decision, and when I saw the breast surgeon for the first time, I said, "If it's cancer, I want them <pointing to each breast> OFF!" <slashing hand downward like a guillotine>
When I had the excisional biopsy (after the core needle came back negative), I was initially fearful that I would be stuck with it (because I really didn't want radiation), but the margins weren't clear. At the follow-up appointment, my surgeon was in the middle of offering another lumpectomy, and I interrupted her, "Both. Off."
Turns out it was the right decision for me, because I had ADH in the other breast, as well as additional DCIS and LH in the cancerous breast.
At the outset, I wanted TRAM flap, but when I actually considered the loss of abdominal muscles I'd worked really hard for (all that time in plank position down the tubes), not to mention the additional surgery/recovery time, I called the plastic surgeon, cancelled my consultation and was then assigned a surgery slot for the following week.
I have not had a single moment of regret about my decision (well, maybe a little when I was dealing with drains, but that didn't last long). I do not miss my breasts (although I could've happily lived my whole life without the diagnosis that led to giving them up). I do not own a prosthesis, and my relief at not having to deal with bra straps anymore is nearly profound.
To the extent that it is possible to know (all the scans came back clean), I have the comfort of being cancer-free, and that's worth ever so much more to me than my missing bounce.
Our breasts are a part of us, it's true, but we are not our breasts. Women got the soft bodies because we're so inherently strong and tough underneath it all. Your grief is normal (as my lack thereof is not), and you are entitled to honor it for as long as you need to. As time passes, though, it will likely seem a small sacrifice for all the good in your life that you get to keep.
Rhonda
P.S. Your choice of avatar indicates that your personality is no more "blah" than Ann's face, so don't sell yourself short.