[Alice]

Hi,
I haven't posted in a while.I just finished my second week of rads 4 more to go.I go from being very optimistic about my future to just wanting to curl up and not deal with it.I know most of you have gone thru the same emotions and I am hoping you can give me some advice or words of wisedom for those down times.
I guess the road block for me is that just prior to diagnosis I was going to college finishing up my pre recs to apply to the nursing program.The work I do now is rewarding but doesn't pay well at all.I know money isn't everything but I would like to get into something I like and I could make a living at should anything happen to my hubby.
To go back to school after treatment will require a great deal of commitment.I get afraid that I will just get started and I'll have a recurrance.These thoughts are what keeps me from moving foreward with my life. I also know if I wait too long to make a decission I will be too old to start,47now.
I have thought of starting my own buisness at home possibly a boarding kennel for our 4 legged friends.This also would be a considerable commitement but a little more tangeable.
The threat of reccurrance seems to freeze me in my tracks and so I go nowhere.I am usually a glass is half full kind of person and this fearfull way of thinking is really getting to me.Any advice will be helpfull.
Dx 3/05
IDC multicentric
6.5 total tumor load
grade 3 stage 3
er/pr- her2+++
4 AC 3 carbo/taxol/herceptin
sx 10/05 currently doing rads

Thanks for your help, sorry this was so long,
Alice