[Believe51]

Lee, get out of my head! (wink) These thoughts you relate hit home really hard. I so can relate to these feelings and the anxiety they bring. Right now I am trying to beat down the depression cancer brings and recently it has brought too much to fit on one plate. Previously I have mentioned that I like to stay in control (not 'controlling') but have tried to take a step back. Being proactive has helped me to gain somewhat of a control against this disease but much is out of our hands, this disturbs me so.

There was a brief period of time that Ed was stable and thankfully it was during the time of his 2nd cancerversary. Although I try to live each day with the least amount of thoughts towards his cancer, it is what it is. I had more anxiety and anxiety attacks during a time that peacefullness and contentness should have prevailed. Note: have not had attacks for many, many years.

It may be out place for me to speak since Ed has never really ended treatment, only a break, and may never really be out of treatment. Regardless, these feelings ring true more than I want them to. The waiting, the trying to come up with the next course of treatment, the remembering to breathe...etc, I am at my finest. I was totally stressed out when he was doing a bit better and could not understand it. Really wanted to thank you for starting this thread because it has helped me so much.

Remember that both of you are always in our prayers. Wish I could help you as much as you helped me.

Thanks to everyone this has helped me so much. This is something that when and if it happens again, I will once more be proactive!!>>Believe51