[evergreen]

There is no end to the comments made by others which are insensitive. I think that only those who have lived through the cancer experience truly get what is feels like to know that you could be facing the end of the only life you have. Bottom line, even for those who love you the most, it is not possible to understand how this feels. I think it is the adult version of a child finding out that there is no Santa Claus.
I remember feeling the huge sense of despair when I first found out. I remember feeling excluded even when I was at a small gathering of friends that had been planned in my honour. I felt different. I felt as if I belonged to a club that I had been forced to join. And now the worries and concerns of others and even my own past worries and concerns seemed trivial and nonsensical.
I have a friend who is a psychologist and frequently run things by her when I feel guilty about my feelings. She reminds me constantly that I have a right to my feelings, that I should share my feelings by speaking them out loud to people i love and trust, and that there should be no guilt about doing so. You have a right to feel angry and frustrated, although of course we all do better if we try to stay positive and try to live in the moment and try to take the best out of each day. I try to do this. I'm not always successful. But we are need to keep on trying. Good luck to you and don't feel feel guilty!