[europa]

Hey there,

I actually know exactly what you feel like but I wasn't married. I was in a 5 year long relationship and we had planned to marry since we have a son. I was just waiting for him to get his act together, which never happened. I was diagnosed when my son was 18 months old, I had sold my baking business and had launched a new company. My partner was unemployed and didn't seem to be motivated to do something about it. When cancer came into the picture I needed him to really step up and get a job but also be there for me. Unfortunately neither happened and I threw him out my 3rd dose of AC. It was a very tough time but I just needed support around me not baggage. Everyone thought I was insane. But as I told people, cancer was like a light switch that got turned on in my dark house. All of a sudden I realized just how badly I needed to do some serious house cleaning. I also changed with cancer, my level of tolerance diminished. So for me it was imperative that I remove him from my immediate surroundings. He was adding to the crap in my life.
However, I can tell you that if I loved him and we had a good relationship going into my diagnosis, I would of sought out counseling for us. Cancer is extremely hard on us but even harder on the ones who love us. I have some family members that just didn't know what to do and our relationship became, well, awkward. But I don't fault them because I know it's hard. I would strongly suggest therapy. What saved me during the debacle of my relationship was my therapist. I see her once a week. I felt like my family and others were doing the best they could to listen and be there for me but I needed more.
I would also see if your husband would be open to seeing a couple's therapist as it may be helpful to have someone guide your communication and perhaps unravel some issues.