[Becky]

What makes it really hard though is when you do have children at home. Two of my children were at home during the time I had treatment (aged 15 and 12 then). They really understand what cancer means and they are watching. I tried really hard to not "transmit" my fears and frustrations because I felt that internally, they also had fears and frustrations too. However, the 15 year old who turned 16 just became so nasty to me. I think her fear took over. Sometimes, you hold back on purpose and that just wants you to vent even more. I got lots of crap like, "don't pick me up in the old minivan and wear your wig". So, I picked her up in the old minivan completely bald. Just so we could have a fight. Pretty bad venting, eh? But much later (2 years ago), she got some disposable cameras she found developed and came over. She showed me the pictures. They were during chemo. She said, "look how sick you looked. You were gray and fragile looking". She said, "you know, during that time, I treated you so rotten. I didn't help with cooking or housework like you asked. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I think that I thought if you could still do it all (I also worked full time), everything was okay and you were just kidding around." She said she was so sorry. I said I was sorry too for picking her up from school bald (we laughed). So, for your children, don't go overboard on the parties because you never know what they are thinking (ie: is she doing this over the top thing because it is the last birthday she will see (its not but they think differently)). Ask again and if you get nothing, plan a simple family event. Get take out or order platters from the grocery store if "family" mean big for you. Be yourself and don't be afraid to rest and vent. The "sick" day sounds good. I did them once every chemo round on the "bad" day. Work understood. Most people couldn't believe I worked but I did my best and nothing slipped. Ughhhhh. I loved the grocery store story too on this thread. I had a similar thing and somebody said something to me. I had stopped at the store coming home from work and had 20 things in the 12 thing checkout. I wore a wig to work. When this guy behind me said something snotty, I took off my wig - right there in front of everybody and said, give me a break! I thought he was going to die! Walk in my shoes sometime 3/4 days after a chemo treatment. Ha - and that's not like me.