[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yanyan passed just a few wks after Karen (KDR).

I grieve with every one of you. I've been in touch w/Karen for 5 yrs often. Email, FB and PM, phone. She felt like a close friend though we never met.

As a 20 yr survivor I have to say share this with you. I once showed up at the chemo room (during my 10 yrs of Herceptin) where I was a regular and knew the nurses like dear friends and most of the patients who slowly disappeared and I'd ask and ...

The nurses knew to seat the newbies or the especially distressed patients next to me. They knew my cheery disposition and my unquenchable need to inspire and lift others up. This one day, the social worker who I didn't really see often or talk with, cause I was blessedly not in need of her help, she looked at me and brought a chair up next to me to talk.

What's going on?? What do you mean. She saw my face and apparently I wasn't my usual self. I searched for the reason I was feeling down. I suddenly realized all the many Sisters I'd lost in the last year, and of course all the other years before that, on Long Island and in Florida. I was the one who brought fresh bagels and cream cheese every time my husband Paul and I came. And for 2 yrs I was a weekly Herceptin person, before the ev 3 wk regimen came into being, Every single week we stopped first and bought the goodies to bring.

So that day I fully realized how sad I was feeling. Not aware a single detection of it was showing, but the social worker was trained and keen and she saw it. She suggested that when I go home I write down the names of those I'd lost and then take my finger and run it across their name and close my eyes and say a prayer for each and every one.

Seemed simple enough. Yet not enough. But was I wrong. I wrote each name. And then thought of another. And another. And another. And I looked at the paper (and 8 x 11 sheet I'd chosen) and I had dozens and dozens that I remembered, had taken into my heart, and lost.

I began running my finger across the first name, closed my eyes and said a prayer for them. Then chatted with them. Told them how I missed them, would never forget them, knew they were at peace finally with no pain, only joy. And that I also KNEW that we would meet again, on the other side. Cause I know death is not the end of our story. And I KNOW they each still are. They still exist.

After a half hour or 45 minutes and some tears and aching in my soul I finished and I miraculously felt a bit better. I'd unburdened my heart a bit and got to talk to each again.

Please don't feel defeated Ladies. Please move forward with resolve and tenacity. Turn the pain and the sadness into strength and greater determination. Use the power of your thoughts. What you focus on all day will become your reality. So let go of all fear and worry and concentrate on seeing yourself far far into the future. Do that every single day.

I began on Day 1 of being dx telling myself I AM HEALTHY AND WELL. NO MORE CANCER. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. It was my goal. I needed to make my Intention and my Expectation vividly clear. I WAS TALKING TO MY BODY.

It's your body's job to do as you request. It takes it's cues from your thoughts, your words, your mental images, everything you whisper. It has no sense of humor. So don't say This is killing me. Say I AM STRONG, BRAVE AND DETERMINED. I expect to live for a long long time. To see my little one graduate, be Bar or Bat Mitzvah, whatever your dream is. A joyous occasion you do NOT want to miss. A place you are INTENT on being present for!!

You now our Sisters who've moved on would want us to do that. Do it for them, in honor of their radiant Spirits and for Yourself. You deserve that.

Use the power of your thoughts to bring your desired outcome to you. Make it manifest in your life. Not what you fear most, or worry about a lot. But think of what you want. Plant that seed. And see it through to fruition.

With love,
Andi

Please check out my years of posts and threads. Go to SEARCH and type in ANDREA BARNETT BUDIN. It's my hope my words will lift you up and feel you enveloped in Love and Empowerment...