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Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
Friends,
Today, I went for what was supposed to be my "end of treatment" baseline brain MRI.
Before I even got home from the hospital, my oncologist called me to say, "Denise, the radiologist just called to tell me they found two lesions in your brain."
That was six hours ago. Since then, I've cried, searched the internet to find information about the treatments I thought I should know about. And now...I'm just sad. Deeply sad. I wish I were scared, or angry. Those I get, but sad is not something I do well.
That's why I'm turning to you. No one else in my world can understand how I feel in quite the same way as you do.
I'm so disappointed. I did everything they told me to do. I was brave. Hell! I was even cheerful. And now this.
In a few days, I'll have seen the neurosurgeon, and the radiation oncologist. Then I'll have a plan, and a better idea of what I'm up against. And then I can try to explain to my beautiful sons why we'll all have to head back into the fires of cancer hell again. (I only finished my last Herceptin two weeks ago for cryin out loud!)
Funny how two weeks ago, I thought a shattered wrist was a big deal. Just goes to show...things can always get worse.
Thanks for letting me share. Sorry to be such a downer. I promise...I'll be my old self in a week or so...but right now...I'm just sad.
Denise
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1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
“ Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. ” – Cavett Robert
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