Ok Bill, I love your poem(s), the prose of your posts, their humor and imagination!!, not to mention your spiritual core. I love the way you love Nikola. And of course, am saddened by the *wildfire raging in the darkness of your soul*.
I believe in time you will come to focus on the blessing of having Nikki in your life and the awareness that death is not the end of the story. (You will be together again, in time and for eternity.) For now all you can feel is the terrible loss, understandably. It is too soon, I know.
Still a poetry and laughter are aflame within you. Thank goodness for all of us.
It is great that you are using this site to help you vent and heal. I saw Linda Dano (an actress who is quite lovely) in an interview. She is a marvelous, insightful person who is in a lot of pain, having lost her husband/lover/best friend/business partner and her darling mother in a short period of time. She speaks of a group on line --
SupportPartnersProgram.com -- which she has found very healing and therapeutic. I just thought I'd write it down for you, as you came to mind. I feel your pain and we all stand with you as you struggle to regain your footing.
This is one of those moments in Life that chocolate isn't enough...
Sending you a hug,
Andi 