[Andrea Barnett Budin]

With people and most especially friends we have taken into our hearts over decades, if I finally come to the crystal clear realization that they leave me feeling offended or disrespected, that they always take and rarely if ever give unless it's convenient for them to do so, there comes a final straw, a line I reach over many years of tolerance where I just say -- What am I doing????

They are who they are. Have no clue what foolishness they speak consistently. Or they just keep taking advantage of me and they aren't going to change (I am the perpetual optimist but...). So I find myself saying (to myself) THAT'S IT. No more. And though I find myself in disbelief, I silently move away from them. No need for discussion or angry words. And they, surprisingly, don't even ask Why or What happened?

Some people are in your life for a time, for some reason, and they aren't meant to stay it seems. A harsh truth I have learned. It's just time to let go. Horrifyingly so...

With a parent or sibling, it's way different. My niece is having a nervous breakdown from her loving mother who is not mentally well and finds herself moving from, I must remove her from my life, thus blocking her texts and calls for a while, but always returning. Guilt is awful. The break sometimes helps, a little.

With my sister who is manic depressive and seriously messed up (bi polar/borderline personality/narcissist), I love her but I meet her only with my husband, in a public place for an hour over a drink. She rambles on and on, occasionally, literally, she stops and says, What? Wait. What did you say? A few words of mine have reached her brain and she is interested in the topic. But quickly she moves on nonstop, repeating and repeating. How many times can you say, I know, you just told me?

I don't do phone calls with her. We email. This allows for her to speak. And then for me to speak (so to speak) and we have a semblance of a conversation. Still she rambles and repeats and doesn't remember what I advised, yet says she appreciates my advice and then proceeds to listen to what docs tell her, which is her choice, but then she complains and complains, is bitter and angry b/c he/she didn't whatever. It's exhausting. A constant repetition.

When she is midst a crisis, which is frequent, she can email 10 x a day. I get caught up, loving her and trying to help, but it is pointless. Again, she repeats and repeats, is consistently furious and sometimes blaming herself for her situation and her bad choices. It's pathetic to hear and know. It hurts. But somehow, we must be resolute it our duty to keep our own sanity and well-being in tact.

Presently, I'm in a silent mode. I had a bad CT last June and mnths of seeing docs/surgeons, hours and hours on the phone with doc's staffs, trying to get answers to my questions. I refused surgery (which I had in June of 2013 and was feeling great before and sick and in pain for many mnths thereafter). We resolved finally to do a CT guided needle biopsy. I had one in '98 when the bc spread throughout my liver. Liver biopsy, CT guided. A breeze. No this. It was a 1 and 1/2 hour procedure that was grueling from scheduling straight through their cancellation b/c they neglected to tell me to stop aspirin and on and on. BENIGN.

So when I mentioned my situation to my sister in emails she immediately shut up about her difficulties and said I was amazing and she couldn't be like me and she stopped pestering me without a break after 5 months.

It is sad, Tracy, but in the end we must take good care of ourselves. We can't sacrifice ourselves to those we love. That's a hard choice but a necessary one as I see it. We cannot allow someone else make us literally sick.